One Day at a Time

A Different Kind of Marathon

As you know, I have a love for running, and while I am by no means an elite runner, I have a personal competitiveness that keeps me yearning for more. My Unforeseen Journey will be a personal race. It's unlike any race I've ran before. It's a "Different Kind of Marathon."

If you have ever ran a marathon, any race, or had an experience where you were challenged mentally and physically, then I am sure you can relate. At the beginning of a race, you are nervous and anxious…and sometimes telling yourself "I just want it over with!". When I competed in high school track, I was the same way. I was always a wreck before a 400 m run because I knew it would be painful. In the end, I was relieved, but I also celebrated! Not much has changed since then. No matter if it's a 10k, 10 miler, or a marathon, the emotions are still the same. I guess you can say I'm close to the start line. I'm in the crowd making my way to the right corral. I'm anxious, nervous, and the butterflies are having a fiesta in my tummy. I'm also ready to cross the finish line and celebrate!

Surgery is just around the corner, and I am closer to knowing a timeline for my treatment. The down time has been helpful, but I am to the point where I am ready to cross the start line of this race. I met with another oncologist, and I was really impressed. I had a difficult time deciding what oncologist to go with, but I went with my gut feeling. I also relied on God's will. Travis' dear friend helped us, and I believe God led me down this path to meet Dr. Hellerstedt. Another surgeon who has never met me insisted I see her, and I am so glad I did. Travis and I met with her, and she discussed similar topics and treatments the other oncologist did. I am confident she will take good care of me. Fertility has been another area of concern because of my age and diagnosis. Dr. Hellerstedt went out of her way to get me in with a fertility specialist earlier, AND she even called me Saturday morning to make sure the fertility doctor's office called to schedule an appointment. I saw this is a confirmation from God…I made the right choice!!

I called Monday (February 25) to see if the results from my BRCA (genetic) test were in, but no updates. I was told they should be in any day now. In the mean time, I'm exploring fertility options. I met with a fertility specialist today, and she was promising. I had a consultation and an ultra sound. I am going through the process to harvest eggs due to the risk of infertility after chemotherapy. If all works out perfectly, then I can start the process and have it completed within two weeks. I am also hoping this can take place before I go into surgery. 

During this time in "limbo" I've also had the opportunity to talk with other women who are cancer survivors or in remission. They have offered a tremendous amount of advice, guidance, and support. I now understand why women who have been impacted by breast cancer refer to this as a "sisterhood."

Familia 

What's up with the name "Cancer Commander India Maria"?

Some of you are probably wondering about the names I used. I had a few people ask me, so I thought I would share :). 

Cancer Commander:

My crazy hermanita "Z" with Cassie Mae

My girlfriend and I (shout out to Laurie!) talked about a blog, and she said "Oh, you'll have to come up with a cool name!" I am not all that creative, so I went to one of the most creative people I know…my hermanita Zelina! If you've had the pleasure of meeting her and getting to spend time with "Z", then you know exactly what I'm talking about, ha. I sent Zelina a message and delegated the job…"come up with a name for the web address of my blog." A few days later I get a text with the following message: "Cancer Commander" A second text follows: "That's all I got, ha!" I LOVED it!! Of course, her source of inspiration was the one and only "Duck Dynasty." Simple, but classic. Take the "duck" out of "Duck commander" and slid in "cancer" instead-AWESOME! Sister you did a damn good job! She earned the title "Public Relations Commander." I will explain that in a future blog, ha. 

Zelina's inspiration for the name!

La India Maria:

My grandfather rarely called me by my name. Story has it that I looked like one of his sisters named Maria who had strong native american features...hence the name India Maria. This is a special name for me, and I use it often as my name for race bibs. 

Growing up, I was very close to my Grandfather Alvarado. I thought the world of him. He was a strong and simple man. He drove a red 57 Ford truck with a camper. He was the man you saw on the side of the road selling fruit. The best fruit I ever ate came from my grandfather. Two things my grandfather always carried: a pistol and a cross. My sister likes guns so one Christmas her gift was his pistol. In the words of Roger Creager she can now say "I' got the guns." He only spoke Spanish and I did not, so in all those times we spent together, I have NO idea how we communicated, ha. 

A friend of mine from high school had the honor of meeting my grandfather. My grandfather was making a visit to Ingleside and stopped at Dairy Queen (classic for small towns). He was sitting by himself so my friend decided to visit with him. My friend learned he was my grandfather, and my grandfather had the privilege of meeting a dear friend of mine (David Alvarado). Because David and I shared the same last name, we always told people we were cousins. It was not long after their encounter that my grandfather passed away from lung and prostate cancer. I was with my grandfather in his last moments, and he passed away not long after I left his side. I remember my Grandma Viera telling me..."he was waiting for you mija."

For this "race"…for this journey…for the long road ahead...I am "Cancer Commander India Maria"

More to come~Love, Clarissa AKA "La India Maria"

The Long Road Ahead

January 21st, 2013 is the day my unforeseen journey began. It was only a week after I ran the Houston Marathon with Travis and two of my girlfriends. I felt in my prime and fueled with adrenaline!  The four of us set personal records in not so ideal conditions, but had a blast! Days after the race, I was planning my upcoming races and thinking about my next marathon in the upcoming year. Little did I know that the weeks ahead would impact my life in a major way.

God certainly works in mysterious ways. I found my lump through "divine intervention." Something told me I should do a self-exam...it had been months so figured maybe I should do one. Well, I am glad I did because that is how I discovered the lump on my right side. Quite shocked and nervous, I called my mom immediately. Of course, my mom told me what I already knew...you need to get in with your doctor ASAP! Monday January 21st I found the lump, and Wednesday the 23rd I was at my first appointment. My doctor thought it was just a fibrocystic cyst, but referred me to an imaging center because the lump was "distinct."

A week later I went to have a mammogram and ultra sound. It was a scary day for me, and I walked out of the office more scared than I'd ever been. Once my ultra sound was complete I was told I had what looked like two masses with blood flow. The doctor also mentioned it may just be a fibroadenema, but she wasn't sure and wanted me to schedule a biopsy ASAP. YIKES!! I was stunned...asked no questions, and walked out of the office. I got in my truck, called my mom, and broke down. I spoke with Travis not long after, and of course, his words to me were "it's in God's hands. We just need to keep praying."

Though I tried to stay positive, I was still worried. Later that evening, I met up with Travis for some comfort and support which included mexican food and margaritas! My parents came in that weekend, and we just kept busy.

The week of February 4, 2013 was the longest week of my life. I had my biopsy on Monday February 4, and I stayed home sleeping most of the day. I had lots of soreness and discomfort from a not so fun procedure. Come Tuesday I was still sore, but mostly anxious. I knew my results would be in sometime after 3 PM on Tuesday. Come 4 o'clock I called, and they did not have my results, so I called again around 4:45. At this point my results were in, and I was told the doctor would be calling me. I received the call about 5 minutes later....

"Clarissa, we have your results, and it is positive for cancer." My dad was upstairs, and my mom was watching TV next to me, and while I did my best to just take it in, my mom already knew. Devastated, hurt, and angry, I hung up the phone and broke into tears. All I could say to my mom was "I'm only 34 years old" and cried. My next call was to Travis. I told him the news and his response to me was "we are going to fight this."

As you can imagine, it was an emotional whirlwind. I was up...I was down...and at times, I don't even think I knew what I was feeling. At times, I had moments of grieving and being in a complete daze. The next days were long and emotional. I did not work that week, and I am so glad my principal encouraged me to stay home.

My Team

My parents and Travis were there to support me the day I received my results. I don't know how I would've handled it without them. My sister Zelina drove the same day I received the news, and my sister Michelle texted my later that evening and asked "Can I come Friday, I just want to hug your neck?!"While I felt my world was shattered, I was also beginning to feel the work of God. I am not alone...I have a team who was ready to join forces and fight this battle with me!

Two days later my sister Michelle came in to spend the weekend with me. On Saturday my brother Albert, sister-in-law Magda, their super cute grandson James, and my sister Adriana drove in to visit me. My parents also have friends who live in Georgetown and came for a visit. And of course, I cannot forget my girl Cassie Mae! She has been by my side and cuddles more with me lately. Each day I reached out to family and friends, and each day the prayers and positive thoughts blessed me with strength and determination.

I knew by the end of the week I had to go back to work on Monday. Normal routines and activities was what I needed next. And that is just what I did! My parents and the rest of my family went back home, and I went back to work on Monday. My work family is amazing so they made the first day back a smooth one. Even though it was difficult to share at first, reaching out to my colleagues and friends at work helped me in gaining more strength. I am so blessed to work alongside such thoughtful and heartfelt colleagues.

I was told I would have a team of doctors through this journey, but I am certainly blessed with another team...my family and friends who are with me in this fight. Again, everyday God sends me gifts that come in many forms, and everyday I am stronger for it.

Doctors...Decisions...In Limbo...

Wow..breast surgeons..plastic surgeons, oncologist, fertility specialist, a team of doctors, insurance...the list keeps growing and I am WAY overwhelmed. While I am still in limbo of what will be taking place, here is what I know so far.

On Friday February 8th I had my first appointment with my breast surgeon, Dr. Kelly Martinez. Due to my age, family history, and shape of my cancer cells, it was possible I inherited a gene mutation, so I took a genetic test. If I am positive for an inherited gene mutation, then I will have a bilateral mastectomy with full breast reconstruction. If it comes back negative, then the option will be a lumpectomy with radiation. At the time my pathology report was not complete, but I got the final report on Wednesday February 13.

I have triple negative cancer. Wow...sounds scary, huh? Scary yes...and I broke down at work. It was like hearing I had breast cancer all over again. Later that afternoon my doctor informed me that triple negative cancer is more aggressive and chemo was the only treatment for it. Deep breath...like my sister Michelle said "information is power!" A few days later, I met with an oncologist. He was so hopeful and explained my pathology report in more detail. He told me my cancer cells were dividing at 95% which means the cancer is growing. Both doctors stated weeks would not be a risk, so I felt better and more confident in preparing for future major surgery and treatment. I feel I am good hands.

Got My Boxing Gloves On!

I come from a gene pool of strong women, so I know how to be a fighter. My aunt, an ex-marine, battled breast cancer over 20 years ago. Today she is alive and well. I've always envied her strength, discipline, and determination. Before my aunt went into surgery, my other aunts did their own research and got her ready. So...guess what I'm doing? Yep, doing the same! Aloe vera juice, carrot juice, Barlean's greens 2-3 times a day, B complex, and loading up on fruits and veggies. 

I'm also determined to continue running and do my cross training workouts. I ran the Austin Half-Marathon on February 17, and if I don't have surgery by the end of March, then I plan to run the Zooma Half-Marathon. Either way, when I am released, I am back to running! 

The Austin Half-Marathon was an emotional and special run for me. Last year Travis and I decided to join a charity group called Superhero Kids. They raise money to support kids and families who have been impacted by cancer and blood disorders. Ironically, I joined this team to support kids and their families in the battle against cancer. Little did I know almost a year later I would be doing the same. Superhero Kids was very generous. I shared my news, and they gave me a Superhero Kids sweatshirt hoodie to keep me warm during treatment along with two gift cards to Flemings. Travis and I were honored to be part of the Superhero Kids Team.

Prayers and positive thoughts have contributed to the strength I have today. Keep them coming! I wake up each day with my boxing gloves on! I will fight, battle it to the end, and be a stronger woman for it. I am going about my normal routines until everything comes together. Time with Travis, friends, and family have helped me get through my first week. I feel a strength I couldn't even imagine almost two weeks ago. The battle has just begun!