"Red Devil" DONE...Half-Way Through Chemo!

Doing My Best to Dig DEEP…And It's HARD

May 5: Cinco de Mayo...Cassie Mae's birthday...and 3 months since my diagnosis. Wow...a lot has happened in 3 months, and while I had a different set of challenges during that time, I am facing new ones...the kind of challenges I was warned about. 

I have to be honest…treatment is getting harder. I was reminded by my friend/colleague Norma about the "wall" you hit around mile 15 in a marathon, and well, I think I've hit the wall much earlier. Everything from physical to mental is harder because I get so sick, and I am so weak. As someone who has always been independent, it is hard to feel and find myself in such vulnerable states. I am doing my best to dig hard everyday. 

Before my 4th round of chemo, I had an appointment for lab work. Every week I see either my oncologist or the nurse oncologist, Lisa. It's chemo one week, and the next week I go in for lab work. Lisa went with through the basic routine, and then asked the golden question "how are we doing this round?" I looked at her and said, "I am not bouncing back like last time, and it's very frustrating." I discussed the same and some different series of side effects, and she looked at me, and said, "Clarissa, you've had 3 rounds of aggressive chemo, and you are beginning to feel the cumulative side effects of it. You come every 2 weeks, so we don't really give much time to bounce back."  She was encouraging, and even though it frustrates me, my medical team has been impressed with my overall response to treatment knowing I have not so fun times. My lab work came up abnormal, but only because my red blood count dropped. I am anemic now, and I had blood work after round 4 of chemo, and it hasn't changed. So, I imagine this time will be similar to last round-hooray. 

Round 3 Post-Chemo

It's a love/hate Relationship

I can certainly tell you that I was put to the test the week after my 3rd round of chemo. It was frustrating, everyday felt like an eternity, and I was at my weakest state since I started treatment. Thankfully, my parents stayed the whole week to help. Same side effects I always have nausea, body aches, headaches, no appetite, but this time my level of fatigue/weakness hit an all new high. To add to that, I was getting neuropathy in my arms and legs…very uncomfortable. All I could do was sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I would sleep through the night and still sleep many times throughout the day. I literally had no energy. By Wednesday, the day I usually put my body through the physical activity test, I decided to try a walk around Town Lake. My goal was 3 miles. As I began to walk, I had a feeling this could go one way or another so I told myself walk an easy first mile and see how you feel. Mile 1…hmm okay, drink some water and pick up the pace (which was not very fast at all). I hit 1.5 miles and tried to jog a half mile. My legs felt light, but a really weird kind of light. I couldn't tell if it was the kind of lightness where I was just ready to GO or funny lightness feeling because I had neuroapathy in my legs. By the time I hit the 2mile mark, I already knew-"Clarissa, you are walking the rest." The last mile felt like forever, and I was so ready to go home, shower, and sleep. I am glad I was able to get out there, but it was not pretty nor did I recover to a feel good status. Last time I did this, I recovered and had the energy to transition back to work. Not this time…

What Keeps Me Going

During the week was tough but I had the help of my parents which made a big difference. I also had some visitors which always makes me smile and gather extra strength. I was so thankful to see my friend Dave, who with a busy touring schedule, made some time to stop by and visit. Dave is a comedian who travels around the country so he's on the go quite a bit. He's not only a smart and funny guy, but an great friend. Check him out! (Yes, Dave…I'm bragging on you). http://www.davidhuntsberger.com

A colleague of mine from my former campus Garcia also came to visit. We had a chance to catch up and talk "school." Brandy is currently in the UT Principalship Program. I nominated her for the program, she applied, and got in! I am super proud of her, and our conversations reminded me of my role/lead as an administrator-very refreshing. 

Donna Redskins:
Abel,#65 my dad, #30 Richard,
#51 Alfredo

Display at Bob Bullock Museum

I am always grateful for the messages and visits…even if I seem out of out…don't make sense…or if it takes me a little extra time to get my words out, ha. It brings smiles to my face to get messages about bringing me "endless amounts of queso" or just referencing "magic queso" (Cristin and Devin). I also got a message from my dad's dear friend Richard who reminded me "I'm still with you…you've got that redskin blood in you!" I took that as a compliment! I have the utmost respect for my dad and the friends he grew up with in Donna, Texas (Donna Redskins!). They share a special history and friendship. A part of the history their share even got some attention from a director in LA who made a documentary about them. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1836852/

Again, the calls, messages, prayers, thoughts, check-ins…mean the world to me and always come at a good time. 

Tackling Work

I went to work for what was suppose to be a half day Friday. Silly Clarissa, you should know better than that. I went into to work with not much energy at all. I wasn't feeling great, but I did my best to handle the day. Well, the calmness did not last long because one thing happened after another. Even Connie, our nurse, looked at me and said "Clarissa, can I send you home?" I assured her I was leaving campus soon. I got home around 3, and when I looked in the mirror, I could not believe how pale I looked. It was not a good day. Needless to say I was on my sofa from 3 until I went to bed that evening. 

Most of you know, but in case you don't, I am a 9th grade assistant principal. We have about 690 freshman with one AP and one counselor, and let's just say we keep really busy. One end of our school to the other end is about a 1/4 mile long. Our administrative team logs some serious miles walking the campus, ha.  It's spring, and there is no down time or dull moment. Even if I work out of my office, and it usually doesn't last long. I look forward to going to work because I miss my colleagues and team, and it's extremely frustrating when I don't have strength/stamina to make it. Last time I knew I could go in and handle the hustle and bustle with breaks as needed. Not this time…I was SO weak. 

Saturday = ER

I signed up for the Chuy's Hot to Trot 5K thinking I would have a good weekend. Since Friday was no bueno, I went in with the mindset I was going walk it only or walk/jog. Travis and I did the race with our friends Lisa and David. Their daughter Lexi ran the Chuy's K, and it was the cutest thing EVER!! Kids had bibs and received medals at the end-too cute! It was our race time, so Travis, David, and I made our way to the start. I admit…it's hard to be at the start line of a race and not go in running it. David ran it with me, and I was not quite sure what my body would allow, but I went with it. I stayed with his pace and ended up running the 5K. I checked my Garmin, and I paced at 9:30 which is something I have not done since the Houston marathon. I was pretty excited! I immediately started drinking water, ate a banana, and drank some OJ to help recover and get my energy up. Typically I eat that much after a half-marathon...not a 5K, but these days, any run feels like a half-marathon/marathon!

Reason I was at the ER

It gets real exciting when I get in my truck to go home. I noticed some kind of red bruising around Mr. Roboto, and it continued to track red up the catheter to my clavicle bone. This could not be good. My mom used to be a nurse, so when I got home I showed her, and she agreed-not good. I called the doctor on call for my oncologist, and suggested I... 1) Go to the Er 2) Monitor it 3) Call the doctor who placed it. I called St. David's RR Hospital and spoke with a nurse, and she informed me I had to go to the ER. Geez, okay. At this point, I was beginning not to feel so hot and the area was getting warm. I got to the ER, and I was in a room in less than 10 minutes!! Can you believe that?!? I joked with my sister Michelle and said, "Well apparently when you have cancer they don't waste time." My sister even joked how I get VIP treatment in the ER, ha. The doctor came in less than 30 minutes. Tests were completed, they gave me meds, and I was released to go home. It was quite the Saturday. I was reminded with ports you can't mess around. My risk of infections are higher and the risk of the infection spreading into your blood is higher. On Monday, I went back to the hospital to have a radiologist look at it. Same stuff…antibiotics…monitor it, blah blah. Well, the meds helped, but I still wasn't feeling quite myself. I went back to work and the only day I felt good was Tuesday. Wednesday I got really nauseated in the morning and sat in my office for almost an hour before heading into the halls. I left early. Then.... Round 4…

Round 4 of Chemo~Half-Way Done

(God Willing)

Thursday morning I woke up, and yes, I went to work out with David. I woke up feeling good, and he had me on a strength workout the whole time. Let me just say, David is the best. He will text me just to say "You coming out in the morning?!" I so appreciate his encouragement and holding me accountable. I had a great workout and came home to get ready for my LAST round of the "red devil." WooHoo!! I took my antibiotics, and not even 10 minutes later, my body rejected them. Let's just say my body reminded me it didn't like the meds several times. I hadn't even left for treatment, and I was already sick. I mean….REALLY? Travis showed up, and I came out of the restroom to warn him "I've been sick a few times just so you know…" After my first round of chemo, he thought ahead and now keeps a garbage bag in his vehicle, ha. So, he was prepared in case I got "sick"on the way to treatment.

Before mani...

After mani...

I was pretty certain the antibiotics were making me sick and I told Travis "I am not taking these anymore!!." I saw Lisa and Dr. Hellerstedt and both agreed to stop the antibiotics-yay!! My blood culture test showed I did not have an infection, so they think it's a skin reaction to the "red devil" No infection was good news! If I had one, then the port would have to come out, and I would have to get another placed-no thank you! As it is, I have sensitive skin, and when my doctors looked at my nails, they could see how the "red devil" was taking a toll on my nails. Every single nail looked like I had slammed it into a door-no attractive at ALL!! Dr. Hellerstedt said she was going to get me some red polish, and Lisa suggested purple, ha. I didn't think I could polish my nails, but both said I could!! Dr. Hellersted suggested I go over the weekend. I love them! True women being honest, and believe me, I had no problem going to get a mani/pedi-doctors orders! Of course, because I am a cancer patient, I can't just go to any salon. With the help of Jackie, I went to Pure Nails where I was given lots of TLC and attention. I certainly have the best women (shout out to Jackie and Erica) who take care of my beauty maintenance :)

Round 4 misery

Good days ;)

I had my last round of the "red devil", and let's just say the "red devil" wanted me to know it was the last round. While getting treatment, I told Travis "I'm getting that look…that sick look." The look I noticed on cancer patients before I started treatment…wondering "am I going to look like that?" Yep, I do, BUT you all don't see it, ha. I make sure to keep myself at home on those days ;). Even with make-up I notice, and I know I probably notice it more than anyone. Oh well…what can I do, ha. At first I wasn't going to share the pic of me (on the left), but it is my reality post-chemo. Don't be alarmed!!...sometimes I can pull off looking like my pic to the right...but with a scarf ;). 

I was pretty sick once I got home, and had a hard time stomaching liquids. I sipped what I was able to handle. Travis left to go home, pick up Coach then come back to my place. The time he was gone was probably a good thing because my body was rejecting even the liquids, egh. He picked up some soup and coconut water for me, and thankfully, around 9 I was able to slowly eat some tortilla soup. I took my meds and headed for a packed bed, ha. Coach, Cas, me, and Travis. I wanted Travis to bring Coach because I don't see him as much. Once we were on the bed, it took some work for the pups to make room for Travis, ha. 

Old pic, but a goodie:
Me, Laurie, and Dina

On Friday I woke up and felt like absolute crude! My dear friend Laurie came to pick me up for my shot/fluid treatment. I was resting and drank chamomile tea to help with the nausea, and helped for a bit. Laurie is a friend of mine from college, and she always makes me laugh. We've been friends for over 10 years, and it's hard to believe how quickly time flies by. Back in the day, Dina, Laurie, and I were inseparable. We have such amazing memories which includes riding 3 deep in my truck, ha. The day I get rid of "Midnight" will be a sad day for many friends. I got home from treatment and was able to eat a little dinner. I rested, hydrated, and slept. 

I AM STRONG

Socks from Tia Norma
She had them blessed with holy for me.

While it may not make sense, the Saturday after chemo, I always make an effort to do something active. Physically it takes everything I have, but it helps me sweat out the toxins in my body. I can't tell you how toxic I feel on top of feeling stiff with a swollen body. I have to hydrate more, but the sweating helps….then I go home and pass out for hours. My goal was to jog 4 miles with my running buds Cristin and Ashlee, but once I hit the second mile, my body was too weak. I told them I would be a few strides behind them, and then a few strides turned into like 10 strides, ha. Mile 4 I had to walk more…oh well. At the beginning of the route, we talked races and upcoming marathons. I REALLy look forward to the day I can train again and be past this. I told the girls I probably would not be able to train for anything until winter, but I'm okay with that. I have the spring of 2014 to get strong, healthy, and plan for a marathon the 2014-2015 year.

My mantra for the week...

The weekend has been lots of resting and preparing for the days ahead….Taking one day at a time. This Tuesday 5/14 I have a big appointment. Travis and I will be going to my breast surgeon to get another measurement on my masses. Praying they are continuing to get smaller! This will also give me an opportunity to talk more surgery with Dr. Martinez. I will send another update in the next week to give you updates. 

Again, we cannot thank you enough for the support! The care calendar has been a blessing. It's not only been a help for me, but especially for Travis, Cassie Mae, and my parents. My next round of chemo is on May 23rd, and I will start a new phase of medication called Taxol. Getting there slowly but surely. Until the next time...

Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

Good News and Round 3 of Chemo

Thoughtful friends from my hometown Ingleside
at Relay for Life.

As you may recall from the last blog, I had to put up a good fight with round 2. I also referenced trying to settle into this race, and I am a bit further. I am thinking I'm approaching mile 7-8. Not quite to the half way point, but I'm getting there! One mile at a time. 

When I sit down to type, I play my race mixes to remind me of the different struggles and successes I had in races. It's mental and physical. Battling cancer is the same, so I feel training has helped me work through some of the challenges I have faced over the past month. Round 2…It threw some good punches at me, and it even knocked me down for a few days. Round 3...well it's the same stuff, shocking? Not for me, ha.

You have a choice: 1) Get back up and fight 2) Give up…tap out..raise the white flag. I chose to fight back. Don't get me wrong, it's never easy, but I have to do it. It's my danger zone. And yes, I included some entertainment for you, and yes...it's on my race mix and I LOVE the movie, TOP GUN! http://youtu.be/vwBbrngafl0

Round 2 Chemo: The Knock-outs

From Sunday through Wednesday I was more sick than I had ever been before. Nausea, no appetite, fatigue, weakness, etc was at its peak performance…nice red devil. On Monday, it was so bad, I swallowed my proud and asked my sister to come stay with me. I knew Kristine was coming over, but I had a feeling the evening and Tuesday were going to be not so bueno. My friend Kristine came with her super cute lil girl Stella and seeing them brought so much joy. Luckily, I was able to eat the baked potato she brought for me, but sadly it didn't stay in my tummy :(. GRRRRR….frustrating! Kristine and Stella brought all kinds of goodies which included some ginger tea to help with nausea.

Z and C...I do miss my hair, ha.

Cas loves napping these days.

Zelina got to my place just in time, and she was such a huge help! Bringing more goodies and helping some household chores. I got so sick Monday night…it was bad :(. I took one of my meds and passed out. Zelina kept Cassie downstairs so the two of us could sleep. Yes, Cassie needs her rest too. Dogs are very special, but they are also very smart. Cassie knows I'm sick, and I think now she knows the routine. One week my mom goes somewhere, she comes back, and she is home for days. Then she is goes to work…repeat. On the days I have treatment Cas does not sleep well, and she has had more accidents than normal. I know she feels the stress of what is going on. Given that, she loves having visitors, ha. She barks like crazy, and as soon as you walk through the door, she jumps, gets a good sniff, and then darts to her favorite toy to show off. I am so happy God blessed me with such a special angel because she is at my side ALL the time (literally!) 

Get up and fight back

Tuesday was not great, and thanks to Zelina she helped as much as she could before heading back to San Antonio. Once she left, I slept, and slept a lot. My friend Lee was coming that evening, so I was feeling so relieved to have a friend come back to check in and help out some in the evening. My appetite was so unpredictable so I was praying I could eat, and thanks be to God I was able to! I had my first meal Tuesday night-pork loin slices with a sweet potato. I so needed that! Just that little bit of food gave me the confidence to say to myself "tomorrow morning I am going for a jog/walk whatever I can do." I figured if I could do something active then I would know if I could go back to work and slowly get into a routine. 

Robin was going to stop by Wednesday morning, but she met me at the trail instead and we went for a 3 mile walk around Town Lake together. For those of you who do not know Robin, she is a friend of mine from high school. We've been friends for over 17 years, and ran high school track together. We had a coach who put us through some grueling workouts. We were middle distance sprinters, so we were the group that left last from track practice. We always had to run more than everybody else!! Well, I guess Robin and I didn't know any better because years ago, we would meet on Town Lake and talk about miles and pace. The plan was to take it easy, but we never did, ha. It's been many years since we had been on the trail together so it was such a pleasure and certainly "good for the soul!" The 3 miles killed me, ha. I got home and slowly the body aches and fatigue kicked in-darn! I rested and knowing I felt cruddy, I made a decision to go to work the next day. I know…probably doesn't make sense, but I figured if I can walk 3 miles, recover, then I know I will be stronger. I got up Thursday morning, went to my doctor appointment, and then I went to work. I got home Thursday exhausted so I rested. Initially I was going to work half day Friday, but once I was rested, I told myself "I'm working a full day." Friday I worked a full day. 

My Freshman Pod Family: Cassandra, me, and Sabrina

In my office...very tired, ha.

Before going to work on Thursday Devin and Kate talked to me about the admin team wearing caps or hats to support me coming back. I walked into the office Thursday and there was Sabrina and Cassandar in their hats. My heart was filled with so much emotion, and as I made my way to the cafeteria, I ran into Devin. I didn't not have my glasses, but as I got closer I saw that Devin shaved his head too. My heart continued to overflow with emotion. My admin team, the counselors, staff, and teachers on Thursday and Friday wore hats/caps. I don't know that I even have the words to explain how I felt…but I can say it made me stronger. 

Magic Queso

On Friday, after working a full day I met Devin for an appetizer. I felt okay, and he asked what I was in the mood for, so I thought for a second and said "I could really go for chips and queso." While I am all about changes in my diet, there are just some things I can't give up...queso being one! I met him at a mexican restaurant and the queso was so good!! MY tastebuds were working normal, and I could taste it-WOOHOO! I enjoyed every chip and every bit. I even decided to order quesadillas…it felt like a feast!

I came home happy, full, and tired. Before going to bed, I decided I was going to get up early and run with the SHIP at 7 am. I met my friend Cristin, and I ran 7 miles!!! It was a road route that consisted of trail, flats, and hills. It was a beautiful morning with a temperature of 45 degrees in April…amazing! I told Devin on Monday "that queso was magic because I was able to run 7 miles!" Thanks Devin!!

My prima Sara

Travis' Birthday at DH

On top of running 7 miles, it was also Travis' birthday weekend. I was hoping and praying I would be good to spend it with him and his friends, and thanks be to God it worked out! Travis had a great birthday turnout at Draught House, and I was so happy he had such a good turn out! He definitely deserved an evening to enjoy himself and enjoy having a designated driver ;). My cousin Sara from Houston also stopped by to pay a quick visit. It was nice to see family. Her brothers, David and Anothony, sent me a pretty awesome painting reminding me to hold onto Wonder Woman powers ( pic is at bottom of blog)! I was so touched. It is an amazing painting which is now displayed in my living room next to my sofa. Overall, though I was exhausted, it was a good weekend.

Drum roll….now for the good stuff-GOOD NEWS!!

When I went for my labs a week after my second round of chemo, my oncologist and nurse practioner did a happy dance because the mass was getting smaller and softer! The following Tuesday on April 23rd I was due to see my breast surgeon for a follow-up visit. While I only had physical exams, I had not had an ultra sound so this was a big visit. When I had my first ultra sound in February my mass measured at 1.6 cm. The other mass measured close to 1 cm or so. The last ultra sound I had in March, my mass was at 2.5 cm. This last visit Dr. Martinez measured one mass at 1.3 cm!!! My medical team was so pleased as was I!! My tumor, in the words of my oncologist, is having a "kick ass response," and yes, she did state that "kick ass" was a medical term.  (Pardon my language) So, while the treatment is still doing a number on me, I try my best to remind myself it's killing cancer cells and WORKING! If all goes as planned, my oncologist thinks I may be done with chemo the first week of July. Surgery could be as soon as August....prayers!

Round 3: Successes and Same Side Effect Stuff

David posted this on Facebook...Thank you!!

I've was having some anxiety about round 3 because I was so sick last time. I was advised by my doctor to take a certain medication to relax me, but because I am so medicated and feel so toxic, I decided to do something better. Get up and workout with David for a track workout. Not only would it reduce my anxiety, but I would be getting in some physical activity before treatment. To me, that sounded much better than popping in another pill. I was so happy when I left the workout because I was able to do activities I had not been able to do since I started treatment. I did a mile with volume which basically consisted of running anywhere between 100-400 meters with rest breaks consisting of strength work. I did the whole thing and David ran with me…a huge help! Then we did strength work. Part of the workout was standing squats, then V-ups (ab work), and push-ups. Uh-oh…the last time I tried this 1) I couldn't even do a push up because of Mr. Roboto 2) Ab work took me forever…could barely do it because of Mr. Roboto. I didn't say anything to David, and said "Clarissa, just try it. If you really can't do it, let him know." I did all the reps, ran sprints in between, and completed the circuit for the allotted time-WOOHOO!! I told David how excited I was!! The final part of the workout was more strength work: squats with the barbel along with curl-ups and shoulder presses. I couldn't lift the barbel over my head for squats so David assisted me, but I did the rest on my own! Again, I was so excited!! It was such a great workout for me, and I will tell you what, that workout was better than popping in another pill! 

Round 3..tried reading, but slept lots.

On Thursday Julie, a friend of my mine from college who I also studied and lived in Costa Rica with, took me to both treatments Thursday and Friday. Mentally going to these appointments was challenging. So many things turn my stomach and make me feel nauseated. The sight of the infusion the room, and now things like, what I wear, what I take, and my bag for treatment turn my stomach. The other day, I went into my bag to get my wallet, and I thought I was going to throw-up. Egh!! It was during this visit I told my oncologist I ran 7 miles, and she looked at me like I was crazy,ha. She said "Clarissa, when we said stay active, we didn't mean you had to do your normal workout routines. Walking…walking around the block would've been good, but if you can do it…then, ok." Yes, if I can do more, then I am. I do know my limits, and I think my medical team has caught onto the fact that I am going to test my boundaries  and make the necessary adjustments so I do not over do it.

The side effects and day to day feelings are still the same as round 2, so I won't take you through the misery with me again, ha. Because I had a feeling it would be the same, I asked my parents to come so they will be here to help me at home for post-chemo 3. 

Mi Familia to the Rescue

Tia Mary  (left) and Tia Norma (sitting down).
Tia Norma battled breast cancer and survived it! I am battling and will survive it too!

Over the weekend, I also got a special visit from my Tia Mary and Tia Annie. These are my dad's sisters. They battled breast cancer with my Tia Norma, and now they are battling it with me. They took such good care of me and Cassie over the weekend. As soon as they walked through the door after being on the road for hours, they cleaned my condo from top down! Laundry, errands, and lots of TLC gave me the time to rest, sleep, and visit with my tias who bring laughter and happiness to my life. I definitely know where my dad, Zelina, and a little bit of me gets our personality from….true Alvarados :). 

Me and Tia Annie

They left on Sunday, and I was not feeling great, but I knew my friend would be over later. My friend Amber, "Care Calendar Commander," came to spend the night with me on Sunday. Sunday is the day things begin to go downhill. Her timing was perfect, and it was nice to have her here. Cassie Mae is catching on to what's going on, so when visitors are here, she knows who to go to "ask" for something. When Amber stayed here, Cassie decided she should give her some TLC by sleeping in the guest room with her…all night. Yep, rather than sleeping with me, she chose to give me space and protect my friend. Dogs are furry angels on earth.  Amber and I used to be roommates and always had a special bond…just ask Jane ;). I am including my care calendar info below along with Amber's info…just in case you missed the email. 

Reflecting…

So, like last time, I am home to build enough strength to go back to work. In my past blogs, I wrote about you as "my team." I have also referenced various names and mantras to get me through this battle…this different kind of marathon. Everything from being Cancer Commander India Maria, a warrior, fighter, Wonder Woman, strong, and whatever that came to mind to overcome whatever challenge I faced. I am still in this battle…this different kind of marathon, and day to day I do my best to put my boxing gloves on and get back into the race. You have been my spectators, cheerleaders, inspiration, and strength. Again, I thank you a million times over. I leave you with an article about "People Who Watch Marathons." It is inspiring whether you are a runner or not. I hope you enjoy it….and I hope it encourages you to be a spectator at a race someday. Thanks again for your support in this different kind of marathon and for being a part of my team!

http://jezebel.com/the-people-who-watch-marathons-473405924

"Care Calendar Commander"~Amber Laroche:  amberlar@gmail.com

To access Clarissa Alvarado's personal CareCalendar site,

visit and enter the following information in the appropriate spaces:

http://www.carecalendar.org/ logon/145353

CALENDAR ID   :   145353

SECURITY CODE :   5667

Much love to you,

Clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

Round 2 of Chemo = GI JANE

My Parents

Mom and Dad with Esai Morales-love this pic!

The week after my first chemo round was rough, but at least I have some idea of what to expect. My parents…I don't even know where to begin. I attribute much of who I am and where I am to them. My mom grew up as the only girl and had to overcome some challenges growing up. My dad was extremely poor who grew up as a migrant worker while trying to attend school. He is a vietnam veteran with two purple hearts. They never once doubted any of my goals or ambitions and are my number one fans. My mom and dad are two very strong individuals, and while I feel I should be the one taking care of them, here they are still taking care of me. I do not have kids, but I realize the hardship they face in this journey. During the week Travis asked me how my parents were doing. I told him I felt bad and thought they were bored because I couldn't do much so, they just laid around with me…day…after day. Then it hit me…my parents hurt for me. They did not care if they lay around all day doing nothing and watching horrible daytime TV. To them, it was the least they could do. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have my parents with me who can make the trips and have the strength and energy to help me in my weakest moments. They were there when I got the news, and two months later, they were there helping me with the day to day tasks I was not able to do on my own. 

Staying Strong

Ashlee, me, and Z

Another race together-Cap10K

I did my best to stay physically active even when I felt horrible. I am stubborn. Sometimes doing things the hard way helps me gauge what I am really capable of. I worked out a few times during the week, and ended my week running the Cap10K with my sister Zelina. It meant the world to me to have my sister run my first race into treatment with me. My friend Ashlee and her fiancé John were also there at the start with us. It gave me the momentum I needed to finish it strong. 

Sisters!!

The Cap10K is a special race for me. When I taught at Paredes, I was approached by one of our PTA members about the Cap10K middle school challenge. First prize was $500 to the school PTA. Hmmm…we need the money, some of our kids did not go beyond where they live, so why not get the Paredes Pumas running the streets of downtown Austin, expose them to a lifelong fitness activity, and participate in the largest 10K in Texas and one of the largest 10Ks in the country! So, that's just what we did!! Paredes won the first couple of years, but they compete every year to get their hands on the first prize again! The most important thing for Paredes…they were the first school to compete…the first school to win…and will have the longest participation record! Paredes will forever hold a special place in my heart. I love running the Cap1OK for this reason, and it still warms my heart to see the Pumas signs at then end of the race and see lil pumas running the streets of downtown Austin! I came home from the race, and it took me the day to recover. I felt like I had ran a half-marathon!

Puma Power (my amiga Magda)

My Work Family: HHS

After the week off, I was also preparing to transition back to work. On Friday I shot a message to Devin and gave him the heads up I would be back on Monday.  We talked over the weekend to discuss a few things, and come Monday morning, I was up getting ready for work. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous. My hair was long before I took time off, and I was coming back with short hair and Mr. Roboto. I made it through 3 full days of work-WOOHOO! Again, I am blessed with amazing colleagues and friends, and just that gave me strength, motivation, and happiness to go to school/work. 

In case I have not told you, but I absolutely LOVE HHS! Yes, I know I am a lil biased, but I really do work at the best and with the BEST! It felt good to go back :) Day 2 at work was harder and after the lunches I crashed a bit. Sabrina is so good…she could tell something was wrong and asked if I was okay-I was not. She turned off my lights and shut my door. The short break got me through the rest of the day. Day 3 I started out a bit tired, but then throughout the day I felt great! I took the day as a gift from God and enjoyed every minute because I knew the next day would put me back to where I started 2 weeks ago. 

Here we go: Round 2 of Chemo (April 11, 2013)

My fun aloe vera zebra socks-thank you Connie and Lori!

The morning I had chemo, I was so determined to get up and workout with my Outright Fitness Speed/Performance group, but it was raining and cold. Typically that would not hold me back. Afterall, I ran a marathon in the most miserable cold and rainy conditions, but I have to be more cautious these days. My white blood cell count had a significant drop so I couldn't risk getting sick. I slept in, got ready for the day, and we headed to Round Rock for Round 2.

Trying out a fun hat Shermance brought me, ha! Made me smile

I had an idea of what the days ahead may look like, but Thursday was HORRIBLE! I left chemo thinking I was okay, got a bite to eat, then that's where it's started to go downhill. I get home and I couldn't sleep because I was loaded with such intense medications along with a steroid. However, I am so happy Cas and Travis got in some good napping! Travis has been so busy with teaching, coaching, and helping me. I am glad he slept most of the afternoon…he needed it. 

Nap time....

Every hour got worse: nausea, the stuff that comes with nausea, just sick all over. It was a different kind of miserable than last time. My neighbor and friend Tabitha came that evening to help, and I am so glad she was there. She probably didn't know it, but my body was hurting so bad, and I thought good lord what else is in store for me. She left a little after 8, and I was even more sick. Then….a symptom I was not expecting-I started to get numbness and tingling in my arms and hands. Great-neruopathy. It's rare to get it with this medication, but I usually fall into the rare category. In case you don't know, I am allergic to neosporine. Long story short, I had chafing from running on my chest, my dear friend Jane suggested I put neosproin, so I did. Days later I was at my dermatologist who said it was an allergic reaction to neosporin. At that time, my doctor told 10% of the population was allergic-shocking? Nope, not at all. 

About 9 pm, I was in BAD shape, so I called Travis and he made his way back to my place. I am so glad he stayed because my condition from last time was at an all time low. 

More nap time....

Friday: I had a hard night sleeping, woke up in the morning, and stayed in bed until after 11 AM. I was still weak and nauseated….definitely worse than last time. My friend Magda came later to pick me up and take me to get my Nulesta shot. I was pretty nauseated the during the drive, so I popped in the soft peppermints to help, and it helped some. As I was about to walk into the infusion room, one of my doctors saw me and noticed I was not doing well. I spoke with her briefly, and she walked me into the infusion room and got me into a chair. I was given  fluids, more anti-nausea medicine, and another steroid. I got worse before I started feeling better. I asked for saltine crackers because I was so nauseated I thought I was going to lose it! I told Magda, and she said "I'm so glad you didn't because I would've been throwing up too!" My response "barfarama" so glad that didn't happen! Once I wrapped up, I slowly ate more saltine crackers, and I was finally on the mend! We stopped at Thundercloud Subs, and I ate my first meal since Wednesday that actually stayed in my system…thank God! I was laid up the rest of the evening to rest and recover. 

Ashlee, me and Cristin-running buds.

Saturday: Did not sleep well at all. I even took my medication to help me sleep, but it only worked for a few hours. I was up a little after 6, and I still felt weak with a sensitive stomach. Ugh…here we go again…round 2 of misery. On Friday, I received some very sad news, so I had lots of time for reflection Friday night. Told myself "I have to fight harder." It's not just my battle, but it's God's battle for me too. Hmmm…okay…I feel cruddy, but I can try to at least jog with some walk breaks. So, I met my friend Cristin at 8 AM and that's just what we did (thanks Cristin!)

I admit I felt horrible the whole time. My stomach was so sour and I was so weak, but I made it. I thought maybe the run would make me hungry, but no. All food sounded gross…geez! I knew I had to eat something, so I managed to make and eat a little oatmeal with flaxseed, honey, organic almond milk, and some organic pure cane sugar. It took me a couple of hours to eat some of it, but then it grossed me out so I was over it. Frustrating!

GI JANE

Needless to say, round 2 has been really tough one. Simply stated…I'm pretty miserable. Oh, and I started losing my hair. Yep…not even 24 hours after chemo, it just started falling out. I was shedding more than my dog Cassie, ha. I had to get the lint brush not only to clean her hair off my bed and sofa, but mine too!!  How about that?! I told myself I would go day to day so see how much hair actually fell out. 

Saturday morning's shower…disheartening. After that, hair just kept falling everywhere. It's time to call Erica. Erica had offered to come to my place to do the final honors, so I sent her message to see when she was available. I was not expecting her to get me in on Saturday, but she did! She asked if I wanted to go to the salon or home…hmmm. "Clarissa you are a warrior…be brave." I told Erica "I'll be there at 5:15." Travis came to pick me, and we were off to Urban Better for my "GI Jane" hair appointment. 

Erica gave me a big hug, and like before, super supportive and encouraging. I gave Travis my jacket and purse, then I sat in the chair-deep breath. I took a final glimpse of myself with short hair then I closed my eyes. Erica asked if I was ready, and I responded "yes." She started in the back first so I could feel my hair falling. Told myself "Clarissa you are okay…remember GI Jane is a bad….you know what ;)!" Then the tears started to fall….I could feel Erica make her way towards the front of my head, hair falling down my face, in my lap, then to my feet. The tears reminded me that this is for real, and it's not a dream. Everyday I am reminded just a little more that I am battling cancer. The final shave, like my friend Robin told me, "…is just a temporary battle scar." Yes, she is right, but I still cried, ha.

Once I was all done, I wiped the tears from my eyes, looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. As soon as I got out of the chair, I looked at Travis right away and asked "Do I have a weird shaped head?!" All three of us laughed, and I was told I had a nice shaped head, ha! Phew!!!  Erica took me back to wash and condition my scalp, and it felt amazing. I brought a scarf with me, but I walked out of the salon without it. Travis encouraged to me to "go with it" and not wear a scarf. "It looks good…it's Austin!" Okay, I'll be brave and so when we picked up a to go order, I walked in to the restaurant as GI Jane.

Recovery Time

I've taken some time off from work this week to build back my stamina and strength. I am already beginning to feel my side effects kick in, so I am going one day at a time. I go back for Round 3 on April 23rd. 

I'm still in the early stages of this marathon. It takes some time to get in your groove and settle into a solid pace. I think that's where I am at. While I am doing my best to stay strong, I also allow myself moments of weakness because I just don't have the energy. I surrender myself to God and ask him for strength when I don't have it. The days ahead will be hard, but once I get past the thorns the rose will be there. Then, I will have the energy and stamina to feel like myself. 

A HUGE thanks to all of our friends and family who have been helping Travis and I. My "Care Calendar Commander" Amber has been so helpful and so on top of making sure everything is taken care of. Amber will update my calendar month to month, so she will send info on May when I get my next round of appointments. 

Again, thank you so much for checking in to make sure I'm okay. Check-ins are important for me, and I welcome them. While I am getting better at asking for help, sometimes I do not because I think I can do it on my own…I am stubborn. And as always, I thank you for the prayers, positive thoughts, and support. It keeps me strong and determined to put my boxing gloves everyday and tackle every mile of this marathon...even on the days I'm just not feeling it. 

 Much love to all of you,

Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

My First Chemo Experience

Laying with my grandmother's blanket

As I lay here in my bed, I realize all the little things I take for granted because now they do not come so easy. While I am grateful for things I have been able to do the past few days, there are day to day tasks that are hard to do:  driving (seatbelt crosses right over Mr. Roboto), restricted in my neck movement because of Mr. Roboto, showering, getting dressed, laying down, sleeping (I can only sleep on my back and right side), taking my dog for walk, feeding her, what to wear, getting a glass of water, typing, writing, and the list could go on. Days after chemo-it's been a roller coaster ride. Ups, downs, feeling jerked here and there, and yet I have not quite hit the point where I have said, "Oh, that was a blast!" It's not, ha. It has not even been one week, and the drugs are doing a serious number on me. Yep, I am officially in a battle. Here's a re-cap for you.

Mr. Roboto-Post Surgery

Mr. Roboto revealed-not pretty!

Wednesday, Marach 27: Surgery for Port- AKA "Mr. Roboto"…NOT fun! My friend Amber took the day off, and even spent the night with me to make sure I was okay. I was told I should be fine in the afternoon and could go about normal activities. That was not the case at all. I was in pain, could hardly move my neck, nauseated, and just plain miserable. My assistant/friend from work and counselor/friend came to visit me as well and brought me a few things. I'm learning how to ask for help. Cassandra and Sabrina came to help out while Amber took care of a few things in the evening. It was such a treat to have them here. Mr. Roboto was not fun, is not fun, and very unattractive. ha. 

All hooked up and ready to go

Thursday, March 28: Chemo: I was worried about my first day of chemo because Wednesday was so rough. I woke up feeling cruddy, but luckily the nausea was gone, and I was able to stomach a bit of food. I knew Travis would be at my place soon, so I made sure I had all my things with me: my bag ready with my medical binder and info, my grandmother/godmother's blanket, my devotional, some books, and a few other special items I said I would take with me. The port in my chest was still so sore and tender. I told Travis I was more worried about being set up with the IV through the port than anything else. Travis and I went into the chemo room, and I met my first nurse who was going to set up my first treatment-Kelly. Super nice and so helpful! She sprayed a freezing spray on Mr. Roboto because it was still tender, and pardon my language, but it hurt like hell!! The first thing they do, and this is for every treatment, is inject saline to clean the port, draw blood to look at overall blood work, inject pre-meds, and the final injections are the chemo medications. It takes about 2.5 to 3 hours every session. 

Travis did some work, and I laid there answered some messages, read, slept, and relaxed. The messages were so helpful as were the two videos sent to me while I was in treatment. The first came from my sister Michelle. She recorded my niece Addie singing how great and good God is...brought smiles and tears to my eyes! The second came from my friend Laurie who recorded her lil Georgia showing off her dance moves-PRICELESS! 

Other stuff that's killing the cancer!

I was the youngest one in the room, and sometimes I just watched others wondering how long they have been coming here. Other times I sat there surreal...and at times in disbelief that it is me sitting here being treated for cancer. Wow...that's when it hit me. I am 34 years old-in chemotherapy being treated for an aggressive form of breast cancer: Triple Negative Breast Cancer-that's intense...YIKES! 

The "Red Devil"-not nice, but it's killing cancer.

Once I wrapped up, we left and at the time, I felt okay. I got a little queasy on the ride home, but stopped to grab a bite to it thinking that would help. It did for a bit. Picked up nausea meds and headed home. Umm..it was pretty much downhill here from there. From 2 til about 8 I was miserable. Thanks God for my dear friend Robin Yeamans, a friend of almost 20 years, came to take the second shift since Travis had a track meet. She got there just in time to help me out. I suffered from nausea and could not even keep water down. I felt so bad because of all the times I had to get up and ask her to excuse me, ha. I tried one of my pills for the nausea, but it made me feel worse, egh! She brought me so many yummy things but unfortunately I could not stomach any of it: butternut squash apple soup, a veggie pot pie, organic jellybeans, chicken noodle soup, saltines, and gatorade. I had another friend, Lisa, who made me a delicious soup too, but sadly, could not eat anything that day. Robin went to pick up one of my other nausea meds, and during that time, I was thrilled to eat 4 saltine crackers in a 45 minute period. I was finally on the mend!

Robin left close to 9, and by that point, I was ready to crash. I took another pill along with other meds, and called it a night. 

My Wonder Woman Moments

For those of you who do not know, I love Wonder Woman. She was my idol growing up, and I just thought she was pretty darn amazing. I always wanted to be her when I was a little girl, and I guess earlier in the week I thought I had my chance. Little did I know my moments of trying to be Wonder Women would result in some major crashing!

Friday, March 29: I woke up with no nausea, and felt okay overall. I was inspired by the reading in my devotional, so I said, okay I'm gonna try it…I'm putting on my running gear and hitting the trail! I told myself 3 miles only to see how I feel. I knew my body went through the ringer this week, but I also knew I need to stay active. I have to train myself to do some kind of activity even if I am not 100%. I arrived at the trail, took my first few steps, and it was not only the slowest strides I've ever taken, but the most painful as well.  Every breath, stride, and movement shot pain everywhere in my body. The first mile was tortuous, and I was pacing at a whopping 14 mile pace. Way off my regular pace. I settled into the last 2-3 miles in about a 12-13 minute pace. I finished 3 miles in 40 minutes. After all my body went through, I said I'll take it! I will be honest, it's kind hard knowing how much my body has slowed down, BUT I am thankful to be able to even jog! I treated myself with a Voltron smoothie and went home feeling great! Did a load of laundry, and around noon, my body crashed. I pushed myself a little too much so I rested until Travis came to pick me for my next appointment. 

At 2:45 on Friday, I had to take a shot of medication callee Nuelesta. For patients with aggressive chemo, it is given to keep your white blood cell count up high. The shot hurt, but I didn't start feeling symptoms until later. I went to mass with Travis that evening, and then I started to feel the body aches. Yikes…here we go again….

Saturday March 30: I'm Stubborn…Wonder Woman Take 2!  did not sleep well, and woke up quite a bit through the night. Around 5 am I started to fell nauseated so I took pill hoping it would help me sleep, but no-darn! I started feeling flushed and my body was really achey so I got up and took my temperature 97.5…okay at least it's not a fever. I tried going back to sleep, and no success. I finally got up, fed my dog, and took her out. That was when I realized I was beginning to move slower…darn. Okay, I was determined to try and go for a jog again, but I felt really cruddy. Then I told myself "Clarissa, you are not nauseated, nor are you throwing up, so go for it." I put my running gear on and made my way to the trail. On the way there in a weak state, and obviously crazy state of mind, I had the grand idea of seeing what I could handle, so rather than run the trail, I'll run a 4 mile hill route. 

That's what I did, ha. Yep, the first mile hurt with pains shooting everywhere possible, but I took on the hills of (if you are familiar with Austin) Exposition, Windsor, and Winstead. It took my 50 minutes to run 4 miles…once again, I told myself I'll take it! I am running, jogging really, next weekend so I need train my body a little bit. I am taking on my first race into treatment-Cap10K next Sunday…wish me luck, ha! 

So, I'm slowly feeling the side effects of chemo. Easter Morning, my body ached and I was weak. I gathered enough strength to make it to Easter Mass, and meet up with two friends, Janette and Laz. My parents came in that afternoon, and we spent a relaxing day and evening at home for Easter. 

Beautiful flowers from loved ones.

Yummy cookie bouquet!

Overall, I am hanging in there. My body aches like it's never ached before. Aches to the bone…aches in my chest when I take deep breathes. Geez, I had no idea I could feel this fatigued. I do not sleep through the night. Since I started chemo, I wake up consistently at midnight, 3 AM, and 5 AM. By 7 AM, I can't sleep anymore. So, of course, the next day doesn't make me feel great either. I see my doctor on Thursday for a follow-up so I am hoping they will give me something to help me sleep through the night. This is only the beginning. The prayers, support, and positive thoughts have helped me tremendously. Again, thank you a million times over. 

Much love to all of you,
Clari