It is Official:  One More Round Left!

Another pic from the photo shoot
at Gruene Hall. 

Stephanie sent me this awesome Wonder Woman
Cup-thanks Stephanie-love it!!

It is hard to believe the summer is here, and as I look back on the past few months, I found myself saying "Clarissa, you did it." And I did not do it alone! I made it through the last few months of the school year, and now, I am on the home stretch with chemo. One more round left--can you believe it?!? Today I finished round 7! I enjoyed the days before because I was feeling good and close to normal. My last round was SO HAARRDD!! I thought maybe my oncologist would reduce my dosage for this round, but NO--MAN! I was really hoping, but oh well, I am not the expert. As I sat in the chair to get ready for treatment (5 hours of it), I looked at Travis and said "Egh, I am getting the same dosage." His response "Well, would you start walking or stop at mile 21 of a marathon?" Umm...NO! 

I can see the light...I am closing in on the part of the marathon where you are getting so close, but it hurts, and well, you still have a long ways to go. I will be done with chemo in the next few weeks or so, but please know my marathon, my race, my unforeseen journey is not nearly complete. I have anywhere from 3-4 weeks with no treatment. I am not sure how this will make me feel. The down time allows my body to get healthy enough to undergo major surgery. The tumors on my right side are smaller, but not gone, and as of now, my medical team does not know anymore than that. Before beginning chemo, they informed me I was about a stage two based on the information they had at the time. My final pathology report is pending until I have surgery. Surgery in itself will be a another battle. Double mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery will not be pretty, will not feel great, and will take  weeks of recovery. Please, stay with me, Travis, and my family. We still have quite the journey before I am on the road to remission. 

Family to the Rescue and Round 6 Recovery

My padres at the Salt Lick

Over the week, I had lots of quality time with my parents. My parents sleep later than me these days, so while they were asleep, I started out my Saturday morning with a run. Well, I say run, but it was more like a run/jog/walk. My stamina and strength are at an all time low. Here is a run down to give you an idea of how much strength and stamina I've lost from the cumulative effects of chemo and from the number it's done on my hemoglobin and red blood cell count:
Before I found the lump and received my diagnosis, I ran the Houston Marathon and set a PR. A few weeks after my diagnosis, I ran the Austin Livestrong Half-marathon. I continued to work out and run with my running group through March, and once I knew I was not going to have surgery, I signed up for the Cap 10K. Within the first two weeks of treatment, I ran a 10K. In May, after my 3rd round of chemo, I ran a 5K which I paced at 9:30 for the whole race. So, what do I have now? In all those races and training workouts, I could run, but now it is a challenge to jog, and I have to take multiple walk breaks. 

About a month ago, I noticed I could not run 3 miles without stopping to walk. Now, after I jog (not run) a mile, I have to stop and walk. In my mind, I WANT to run  4miles or more and not stop, but sadly, my body won't let me. At first, I was really discouraged and bummed about it. For someone who has been running regularly, it is hard when I can't run past a mile. Then I realized, while I am not able to run certain mileages like I used to, I can still go out for an hour or more and keep my heart rate up  the whole time. On my good weeks, I make it through my workouts with David (which are not easy!). The other day I was pretty excited to jog 2 miles non-stop. I was determined to do it, and I did it!  I am accepting this as part of my training for future races when I am back to a normal routine. I have to tell myself I can only do what my body will allow, and after today's blood work, it will not get easier. My hemoglobin has dropped even lower. Hemoglobin carries oxygen which a big part of the reason I tire out so quickly, good and bad days. My body fatigues quickly. I am at a 9, and if patients drop to 8.5 or lower, then iron is needed which is administered through my port. I am so close to the end, so I am going to have a SERIOUS talk with my hemoglobin and red blood cells and let them know they need to "woman up and fight like a girl!" They need to know I don't have time for this nonsense ;) They are challenging me physically, but I hope in the long run, my body will get stronger. So, when I am back on a training plan, I will found out what I am made really made of.

My "gangsta" pic, ha. This was
the day I was covered head to toe
because I had constant chills.

I am becoming a little more experienced with this whole chemo thing. I have learned that within 48 hours of chemo, the side effects of the chemo begin to kick in. Within 24 hours of the nuelasta shot, taken 24 hours after chemo, these side effects begin to kick in too. Basically, when Taxol and nuelasta come together, it is the perfect storm. Crash and burn baby. Both make your body ache to the bone, and the pain is so intense, you are never quite comfortable. For round 6, I said, "yes, give me the pain meds," and sadly, the relief was minimal, but I still took them. Even with the steroid, claritin, and pain meds, my body hurt to the core. My body aches and pain kicked in with a whole new level of intensity and much earlier than the last round. No matter what I took or did to offer relief, my body just throbbed…it was the like the energizer bunny where it just kept going….AND…going…GOING! GRR..

Zee with the girls :)

Oh, and guess who came back to visit me??…queasy and nausea. How nice of them to visit me again! Sunday I was beginning to feel all side effects, and come Monday-WOW. Let me put it to you this way--

Yep, apparently God thinks I am a badass. It was "Miserable Monday." I was in so much pain, queasy, no appetite, and when I tried to eat, it turned my stomach. I had the kind of pain where you don't know whether you should laugh, scream, or cry from it. Monday was just terrible, and part of the reason it was so terrible was due to neuropathy. Yeah, I mean…who wouldn't love their feet to tingle and go numb---pain so intense it hurt to walk. Piercing pains shooting down your legs, arms, and random parts of your body. Hands also going going numb to the point where I could not open a water bottle. All I could think was "Clarissa, this is going to be a rough ride." Speaking of rough rides---During one of my rounds of chemo, my sister Michelle got really sick too :(. She was in the hospital for days. Michelle had a kidney stone and had to get her gallbladder removed too. We were in different cities, but in misery at the same time. In the words of my sister Michelle "We are Alvarados-either go hard or go home!" Haha! Alvarado women are hardcore for sure! So, while in this misery, I have to thank my sister and her colleagues. Zelina's supervisor has been so flexible and supportive. With a busy time at work, she allowed Zee to leave early so she could come and help me. Because Zee had class, she was only able to come for a few hours. Love that I have family who live close enough to make quick trips. 

Walls and More Walls

My friend Susan gave this to
me-love it! Thanks Susan!

Running a marathon, you get to a point where you hit many walls, and some are harder than others. I have certainly hit a wall in this race (one of many), and rather than give up, I had to talk to myself mentally to dig deep. Part of what helped me prepare for Tuesday was GI Jane. Yeah baby!!! I needed so motivation so I popped in the movie and got ready for my "A" game!! I just love GI Jane. I included a couple of clips to relive the moments! I have an all new appreciation for the scene where she shaves her head-how empowering!!! Here it is!
http://youtu.be/LU_mJDOB7ZM 
This clip is where the master chief explains that pain is your friend...I guess pain is my friend for now, ha. http://youtu.be/g1Bd5DhItKQ

At some point I will do a one arm push-up...and maybe look like GI Jane one day, ha! If only I could get by body to look like this...David B. help!!
Thanks to Lisa and David who let me borrow the movie :). By Tuesday, besides the overall body aches, my neuropathy was intense. Luckily, my parents came in to help me out. I could not walk down my stairs without holding onto the rail, and my walk was more like a shuffle. Doing more of a shuffle reminds me of my godmother/grandmother. God bless her soul. She was the most amazing woman and so strong in her faith. If you ever had the honor of meeting her, you instantly felt a special presence about her. I believe she was an angel on earth, and now she is my angel always at my side. Before she passed (couple years go), my grandmother had different medical complications with one being osteoporosis. She had to walk with a walker, and she didn't walk, she shuffled. Trying to walk was so painful for her sometimes. When her health took a turn for the worse, I remember seeing and hearing her in pain, and through it, she held on as long as she could because she was such a strong woman. During my moments of pain from round 6, I asked my grandmother to bless me with her strength. I asked for the strength, mentally and physically, to fight through the horrible pain the chemo was placing on my body. I can tell you it wasn't an instant relief or answer, but she gave me strength and answered my prayers many ways. 

Zee and I with grandma

My last pic with my grandmother at Christmas

Through the works of God and my grandmother, she got my parents to Austin safely to help with the day to days tasks I couldn't do.  I know this experience has been hard for my dad, but he gathers a smile laugh and strength to take care of me like a little girl again. She made sure my mom hand the strength everyday to be on the go so I could rest. My mom would bring me socks, cover me in blankets, whatever I needed to help with any pain I was in. Come Thursday, she gave me the strength to get up, get dressed, put some make-up on, and go to an administrative conference that afternoon. By Friday, I was able to drive to the conference on my own and spend a half day there. Friday afternoon, I still had to rest, but I could walk without feeling like my feet were on pins and needles. Saturday, I was able to walk/jog 5 miles with the neuropathy still present. So, while my relief didn't come instantly, I do believe my grandmother blessed me with many small gifts of strength to get me through the week. I also know God and my guardian angels have my back too! Of course, the positive words of encouragement and prayers I receive from you contribute to the fight I had to endure daily. A runner can't get through a race without "spectators." 

I was told Taxol is easier, and personally, I do not think that is the case. Taxol is a different kind of hard. The neuropathy for this round was so persistent and painful. Without chemo, nausea can happen for various reasons, but neuropathy is scary. Neuropathy reminds of the bad chemo does to me. It reminds me it is killing my good cells and damaging my nerves-not cool...not cool at all. 

Oh, and I am losing my eyelashes and eyebrows. I imagine if I had thinner eyebrows, I would have lost them weeks ago, but they are definitely thinner. I have areas where you can tell there is no hair at all, and I am hoping that's all I will lose. A good portion of my eyelashes are gone too, so I stopped curling my eyelashes and using mascara. It is best anyway. The mascara was beginning to burn my eyes. 

My friend Carol lives in New York now,
and she found time to make some of my
favorite cookies! Thanks Carol!!!

So, while I whine and complain of all the physical and mental effects the chemo has on my body, I can say I am ever so happy for the positive effects it is having on killing the cancer and shrinking the two masses. With that being said, I want to emphasize that my treatment has been VERY promising. The outlook is good, and before you know it, I will be on the road to remission!

Travis (AKA-Dog Whisperer)
Cassie, Coach, Bella, and Maya

I want to share a few words on Travis, and I thank all of you who ask about him. Travis has been such a trooper through all of this. He has seen me at my weakest and most vulnerable moments. Lord, bless his heart when he has to hear me whine and complain, ha. He has been so patient when I have moments of NO patience, easily irritated, whiney, moody, and more indecisive than normal. I am sure he has his own list, ha. I know life has been a bit different for him, and he always has a smile on his face and keeps things light and funny. There was one night when I was in quite a bit of pain, so he massaged my knees to help alleviate the pain, and while he did so, I had a moment of sadness. I have them now and again. Sad that he has to see me go through this and experience it, and sad I am even having to go through this. Like I said, Travis is trooper and a super strong person. He is one of the strongest people I know who always has a positive outlook on everything and anything…and most importantly, it is driven by his extremely strong faith in God. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers as well. He has a long ways to go with me too. 

 Summer Time

Dancing with my daddy

I managed to finish out the year, and now I am on summer break. When I started to slowly feel better, I was able to gather the energy to do a few things with my family. Father's Day Weekend, we visited several small towns. We went to Gruene and New Braunfels on Saturday. We took my dad to the Phoenix Saloon which is a pretty awesome place! For Father's Day, we ate at the Salt Lick, and it was my parent's first visit. They really enjoyed it. It felt good to enjoy some outings and not be in constant pain. I thank God for my parents who can be at my side and help when I need them. In their retired state, they are quite funny too! 

Father's day with my dad

Salute to my dad: My dad...where do I begin. He is our rock, and like my sister said, our foundation. Simple, humble, strong, and a man with a big heart. He is self-less in every way. I know my diagnosis has been hard on him, but in his heart, I know he knows I will get through it. My dad endured many hardships, but I believe some of these hardships define part of who he is today. He grew up in a family of 8 as a poor migrant worker, and eventually, he grew up with a single parent, my grandfather. Through it all, he stayed in school, earned his diploma, he was a football state champ (Miracle at Donna), Vietnam Veteran with 2 Purple Hearts, degrees in Biology and Chemistry, and now enjoys the fruits of his labor. He retired two years ago. He is funny, and the life of our family pachangas (any pachanga really)! He says things I don't think to say. I could go on and on about my dad, but one person we are ever so grateful for is the late "Doc." My dad was shot twice in Vietnam (they were never able to remove the bullets), suffered a concussion, placed in a body bag and his head hit the bottom of a helicopter while being airlifted, and he flat-lined once he arrived to a hospital.  Doc saved my dad's life, and for years, he thought my dad didn't make it. As a matter of fact, some of the guys would look for his name on the Vietnam Memorial Wall. About 7 years ago or so, Doc and my dad were reunited. My dad's first words to him were "Doc, you saved my life." If it were not for Doc, my dad would not be here today. Love you dad!

After I get my nuelasta shot tomorrow, Travis and I will be traveling to Corpus Christi. One of my best friends, Ashton Cook, is getting married on Saturday. I have not seen him in years, and while I know Saturday is usually the day I begin to get body aches, I gave him my word I would be there. I want to be there! It is an important day for him, and I look forward to seeing friends from my small town :). I also have some family and friends who will visit me while we are there, and I am excited to see them. They have not seen me since I started treatment. My visit home will help me mentally to fight and dig hard for the upcoming week...it will not be an easy one. 

Reminder: Austin Race for the Cure is November 1oth. Our team name is "Bros and Bras." If you are able, please join us. My Care Calendar Commander, Amber Laroche, is the team captain, and I thank her taking the initiative to coordinate a team. 

Houston family and friends: Houston Race for the Cure Houston is Oct. 5th. Zelina's friend, Stephanie Jaramillo, has a team as well "The Rack Pack." She asked if they could do this in my honor, so I invite you to join. God willing, I can at least walk it! I hope you can join too. So honored and thankful Stephanie coordinated a team as well. 

Please know I pray for you and thank God for you. My family and friends are the world to me. I am so thankful for the ongoing support you have given me, Travis, and my family. The past 4 months would not have been possible without you-muchas gracias!! You are the BEST TEAM EVER!

Much love to you,

Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

Travis called this pic my "Wonder Woman Club". His nieces
and nephews wore temporary Wonder Woman tattoos for the Buffalo Half-Marathon too :)
Love this!!!

Moving Right Along....

Prom 2013-Hawk Family 
My admin team wearing PINK with our SROs.
Without their support work would have been
impossible. Missing kate and Officer Rock in this pic...

It felt SO GOOD to share good news with you on my last blog! As hard as it has been, the chemo is doing its job and has helped me stay focused on the finish line. I still have my ups and downs, but I manage to work through it and get back into the "race." I've had several people remind me of my strength and made reference to a high school track meet. My sophomore year, I ran the first leg of the mile relay on a broken foot. I had no idea it was broken. My foot felt funny, and by the time I hit the 200 m mark, I heard a pop and that was it. I finished the race on my heel (kinda) and handed the baton off to Robin. 

Believe me, I've had plenty of those moments at the half-way point of a marathon when I ask myself, "Clarissa…can you do this....I still have such a long ways to go!" One marathon I clearly recall was back in 2012. I had trained religiously for the Austin Marathon, and my high mileage runs were strong with good training paces. Days before the marathon, I got sick. I was on antibiotics and pretty certain I had walking pneumonia by the time it was all said and done. Race morning I could feel the weakness and acheiness in my body. I ran the marathon and felt okay until I hit about mile 10…then mile 14 I sat at the medic tent debating whether my body could still go and finish. After about 5 minutes, I got up and told myself one mile at a time. While I didn't hit my goal time, I managed to set a PR, and I finished the marathon literally one mile at a time. I've learned and "trained" in a sense to work physically and mentally through challenging moments. I'm doing my best to apply those same skills in this race. I'm at the half-way point…mile 13.1!  Once I am done with chemo, surgery will be the second part of the race!  All in all, I am moving right along, and again, giving my best EFFORT to focus on the finish line!!

Zee and I=Round 5

TAXOL (AKA Green Hornet): What's It Like…You May Ask?

Green Hornet: My friend/colleague Norma gave Taxol this name. Just a random thing walking in from bus duty. Taxon needed a nickname, and she gave it one...The Green Hornet

It is hard to believe that I finished my 5th round of chemo two weeks ago and finished the 6th round today. I imagine this next week will be like what I describe from round 5. It doesn't seem like that long ago I was sharing my crazy week of medical appointments to get ready chemo. Thanks be to God, I made it through the red devil and moved onto to Taxol. My parents and my sister Zelina (Zee or Z) drove in Wednesday for my 5th round.  I knew it was going to be a long day, so my mom and sister took shifts. I was in treatment for 5 hours!! Talk about a long day. Thankfully, for the first round of taxol, they gave me a good amount of benadryl so I was out most of the time. My dad decided to stay back to do some things around my place for me. 

While Taxol is suppose to be easier on you, I can say at this point, it has relieved me of the crazy nausea and traded off with intense body/joint/muscle pain. Basically, I still have all the same side effects with the exception of nausea and now overall body pain. This pain is unlike any pain I've ever felt before! I could not believe how bad my joints and muscles hurt. Over Memorial Day Weekend my parents and I drove to San Antonio to visit my sister that Sunday. While I was weak and in pain, it was nice to be driven and relax. I wanted to see my sister and her new place because I had no idea when I'd get to go. My body hurt like crazy. There were times my knees would give out on me. It was hard to even straighten out my knees. Muscle spasm also kicked in mostly in my legs, but I also got them in my abdominal area. My oncologist gave me a heads up on the body aches and joint pain along with neuropathy. Neuropathy is more present with taxol. So, again, while I am getting a break from the nausea, new side effects have stepped to say "welcome to taxol Clarissa!" Thank you taxol for giving me SUCH a warm welcome. It caused really intense and throbbing pain in all my joints, bones, and muscles. I walked like a viejita, and even when I laid down, my body throbbed. I've had my share of soreness and pain, but this is WAY different. On Tuesday morning, I woke up with tingling feet and hands…ahh the gift of neuropathy. Oh-AND the gift of chemo brain-nice...

My head is all over the place these days. At one of my visits I talked with my doctor about it, and she explained the whole "chemo brain" thing to me. It's kinda hard to explain how it makes me feel, but I can tell you I definitely have it. It's one of those where it might be hard for others to really understand, but to give you an idea, I included an article from AmericanCancer Society that gives a pretty good explanation. Feel free to read…or not. 

http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/physicalsideeffects/chemotherapyeffects/chemo-brain

New Perspective On Life and Reasons Why God is GOOD!

The other day, rather than watch TV, I decided to play brazilian jazz instead. I have a love different kinds of music especially various genres of world music. When I stopped to slow down and give my brain and body a rest, I was reminded of some of my favorite things that have been in hibernation, ha. For example-besides music…I used to go salsa/merengue dancing back in the days and loved it! I used to listen to music more than watch TV. My point...I am finally learning how to slow down and bring back the favorite things in my life. 

Several people told me how this whole "experience" makes you look at life differently. For example, taking a walk outside has a whole new meaning when I take in a breath of fresh air and look at what's around me . For the past few months, I felt bad thinking…"Umm, my head is going crazy, my body is a mess, and life is too crazy to stop and smell the flowers." I am beginning to understand it takes time to get to that point. My ah-ha moment took place one Saturday morning. I was walking across the bridge on Town Lake, and as I gazed across the water and trail, that breath of fresh air I was talking about became a whole new kind of fresh air. The water, trees, and everything around me had a different look. It was like going from regular TV to HD, ha! 

My nieces: Bella and Maya. A pic from our visit
to San Antonio

Minutes later I was walking past a woman who looked at me, smiled, pointed at her hair and said to me "that's beautiful." I thought I was going to cry…I was walking without my bandana. I had a little more pep to my step! I made my way to to the rock, and while waiting, I ran into Samia from Superhero Kids. It was such a pleasant surprise! After visiting, I was so excited to tell Travis about the volunteer opportunity Samia offered with Superhero Kids!! Let's just say he's going to be my prom date later this month :). I'll share in a future blog what this volunteer opportunity will be (besides the prom). 

I also ran into Amber, Malinda, and a colleague from my teaching days. It is a very rare occasion to run into so many people on Town Lake. I wasn't having a bad day nor was I in a funk so I kept thinking "why all the pleasant surprises today?"  My answer..All I can say is God is GOOD! I believe the Holy Spirit paid me a visit through various means to remind me of the precious gifts in my life. I was also reminded you don't have to be having a bad day or in a funk to be reminded God is always with you. Again, I am learning to slow down and TRULY LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST. I am not perfect at doing it,  but I can say I am much better than I was before. 

On the way home from work one day I spoke with Ashton Cook, and I had not talked to him in a long time, but our conversation made my day. I look forward to going to his wedding later this month. After our conversation, I drove into my driveway and noticed a box at my front door. It was my friend Stephanie Peterson. A box full of goodies :) Madlibs was part of the box of goodies….I smiled and laughed out loud to myself. Back in our elementary days, Stephanie, Ashton, and I used to fill these in with all kinds of craziness. We probably thought we were the most hilarious people ever. I couldn't even tell you what we wrote about, haha. Stephanie, Ashton, and I have known each other since kinder. I've been friends with them for over 20 years…pretty amazing, huh? It warms my hear to maintain friendships with people I grew up with a small town. While I've always been and will be a city girl, a part of me is a small town girl. How can it not be a part of who I am? When I hear this song by John Mellencamp, it reminds me of my days growing up. I appreciate my memories and friendships I made and still have from Ingleside. 
http://youtu.be/N_so94yxRtI

Travis' temporary 
Wonder Woman tattoo

Love this woman! Amanda...former professor,
 former colleague, and best of all..a very dear
friend. Friends are the family we choose :)

The Brunner Family…I am so grateful to them for being so supportive. Over Memorial Day Weekend, Travis traveled back home to Buffalo to visit his family and run the Buffalo Half-Marathon. Before this whole cancer thing, I was planning on running it too. It would've been (according to my race calendar) my 10th half-marathon. Oh well…I'll get there. The Buffalo Half-Marathon was a first for Travis' sister Carrie, bro-n-law Chris, and brother David. I love that they got to share the experience together! Every one did a great job including Travis who PR'd with a 1:32! Travis told me all of them wore temporary Wonder Woman tattoos….I was so touched. 

I shared some of these stories because they bring smiles to my face, bring life to me, and of course, fuel me with strength. I can't do this alone, and I knew that from the get go. I am so honored and blessed to call you friends and family. With GOD and all of you, this marathon…this journey…this fight… would be IMPOSSIBLE. 

Chemo "Buzz"

My chemo buzz (my sister came up with this) causes me to talk crazy/forget...quotes from  today:

• "Yeah they texas me" (texted)
• "Are you going to Aston's wedding?" (Ashton)
• My sister said "I like that you play with your scarf like it's your hair." I replied "Yep, I love to feel the scarf blowing my wind." = "I love to feel the wind blowing in my scarf." (Of course I'm joking and being a little sarcastic here with this quote.)
• My sister asked if my new Tom's fit....my response? "I forgot they came in.
• "Zelina do you mind beaming me my wallet?" = (bringing)

And I slurred multiple times...my sister finally looked at me with her finger over her mouth and said "You should just stop talking!" HA! Gotta love some chemo brain....causes me to say crazy things, ANNDD I'm not so articulate. 

What Next?

Wow…so yesterday I wrapped up the school year with teachers and staff. This marks my 10th year in education-7 years teaching and 3 years as an administrator. WOW! June 5th also had a couple of meanings for me--- 1) 4 months since my diagnosis  2) 1 month left of chemo!! JULY 5TH = MY LAST DAY OF CHEMO---WOOHOO!! Yep…I am doing my happy dance. Check it out ;)

 http://youtu.be/BiAwpYIkRmU  

Round 6-Yeehaw! Though..I
don't feel like saying that in this pic, ha.

Zelina came down today to take me to my 6th round of chemo. Can you believe it? Round 6?!?  (which took 4 hours-phew!!)….2 MORE TO GO!! Beena, my nurse today, informed me to take it easy the next few days because I am taking a high dosage of Taxol. She said it's higher than what most patients are taking. I had NO idea! YIKES! Also, my red blood count and hemoglobin continue to drop. This has been the pattern the past month. Story of my life right now, ha. I can see the finish, and I have to keep reminding myself of---1 month left and 2 rounds to go! Stay with me though…I still have the second half of this marathon. The two masses on my right side are shrinking, but they are not gone. They have to come out! After chemo, I have to get through a double mastectomy with reconstruction, recover, and complete future procedures to be on the road to remission. Gotta keep on digg'n! 

As always, I thank you for the support, prayers, and thoughts! 

Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

More Good News!!

Zelina and her friends (Crissy and Bubba) ran the Color Run
My sister sent this picture to me after the race :)

Overall, the week after the "red devil" was pretty much the same stuff as last time. One distinct side effect popped up in this round: hot flashes-AWESOME! Yes, I was warned and told I would get them, and I did. Oh well, I'll take hot flashes over nausea. So…to the good stuff!

Tuesday May 16th: Travis came to pick me up, and we made our way to Texas Breast Specialist. I was anxious to hear and see the size of the tumors. Dr. Martinez did an exam first, and she had a big smile on her face! She said "I can hardly feel the lump!" After the exam, she set me up for an ultra sound. I wish I could show you pictures. It was pretty amazing to see. Three months ago I saw a big dark circular mass on the ultra sound, and Tuesday we saw….drum roll please!!!

….the chemo is breaking up the masses, so they are not ONLY smaller, but the masses also look like they are flatter because the chemo is breaking them up. It was hard for her to get a precise measurement. The measurement she took was the part of the larger mass.  Dr. Martinez measured it at about .5 cm!! WOOHOO…I hope you are doing your happy dance :) Not only was she pleased, but we were too! The chemo is doing its job, and while I DO NOT like the number it's doing on me, it is killing cancer!!! In the words of my friend Steve Shiels "Bottom line-those tumors are toast!" 

It looks like I will be on schedule to wrap up with chemo the first week of July! Dr. Martinez told me surgery usually takes place about 3 weeks or so after chemo, so surgery may be end of July or early August. I will be having a double mastectomy with full breast reconstruction. My plastic surgeon is Dr. Haydon, and he works closely with my breast surgeon and oncologist. He is also a Texas Ex, and so that makes me all the more confident in him. Longhorns are pretty sharp people ;). 

It's hard to believe I'm already planning for surgery, but there is still a small journey before I get there…the second half of chemo. I begin taxol tomorrow (May 23). My parents and Zee will be with me. It will be a long one…4-5 hours. Yikes…AND yes, I am dreading it. Tomorrow I am going to put a little bit of Vicks under my nose just to help with the smell of the infusion room, ha. Thanks to my friend Norma-she gave me the idea. From one Latina to another...growing up we used Vicks for everything, ha. 

Flashback

According to Zee, I'm laughing
at cancer in this pic. I'm actually
laughing at Zee. She did something
crazy!

A few words on my sister Zee.. If you may recall from one of my earlier blog, I referred to my little sister as my "Public Relations Commander." She was the one who set up my photo shoot at Gruene Hall. She set this up on her own, and she TOLD me it was going to take place. Yes, told me...she did not ask, ha. She also set up my hair and make-up...shout out to Martin Flores! And of course, I cannot forget Robin Jansky for her time and efforts for a fun and fantastic photo shoot! Zee does quite a bit "behind the scenes" and I just love her for it! I included a few pics from Gruene Hall. Thanks again Zee...you are such a rock'n PR Commander!!!

After my 4th round of chemo, I was so thankful to be surrounded by such loving family and friends. Geez…I would not be where I am today without God and ALL OF YOU! Big thanks to Lee, Robin, Mrs. Peel, Amy, Gail, Jane, Amber, my primos Bridgette, Rene and familia,  my parents, Steve, Malinda, Kristine, and Travis for taking care of me during the week! And of course, I am always so thankful for the emails, text messages, phone calls, cards, thoughts and prayers. There are lots of ups and downs during this journey, and while I have a great  medical team, it certainly does not compare to my team of family and friends!!!!

Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

"Red Devil" DONE...Half-Way Through Chemo!

Doing My Best to Dig DEEP…And It's HARD

May 5: Cinco de Mayo...Cassie Mae's birthday...and 3 months since my diagnosis. Wow...a lot has happened in 3 months, and while I had a different set of challenges during that time, I am facing new ones...the kind of challenges I was warned about. 

I have to be honest…treatment is getting harder. I was reminded by my friend/colleague Norma about the "wall" you hit around mile 15 in a marathon, and well, I think I've hit the wall much earlier. Everything from physical to mental is harder because I get so sick, and I am so weak. As someone who has always been independent, it is hard to feel and find myself in such vulnerable states. I am doing my best to dig hard everyday. 

Before my 4th round of chemo, I had an appointment for lab work. Every week I see either my oncologist or the nurse oncologist, Lisa. It's chemo one week, and the next week I go in for lab work. Lisa went with through the basic routine, and then asked the golden question "how are we doing this round?" I looked at her and said, "I am not bouncing back like last time, and it's very frustrating." I discussed the same and some different series of side effects, and she looked at me, and said, "Clarissa, you've had 3 rounds of aggressive chemo, and you are beginning to feel the cumulative side effects of it. You come every 2 weeks, so we don't really give much time to bounce back."  She was encouraging, and even though it frustrates me, my medical team has been impressed with my overall response to treatment knowing I have not so fun times. My lab work came up abnormal, but only because my red blood count dropped. I am anemic now, and I had blood work after round 4 of chemo, and it hasn't changed. So, I imagine this time will be similar to last round-hooray. 

Round 3 Post-Chemo

It's a love/hate Relationship

I can certainly tell you that I was put to the test the week after my 3rd round of chemo. It was frustrating, everyday felt like an eternity, and I was at my weakest state since I started treatment. Thankfully, my parents stayed the whole week to help. Same side effects I always have nausea, body aches, headaches, no appetite, but this time my level of fatigue/weakness hit an all new high. To add to that, I was getting neuropathy in my arms and legs…very uncomfortable. All I could do was sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I would sleep through the night and still sleep many times throughout the day. I literally had no energy. By Wednesday, the day I usually put my body through the physical activity test, I decided to try a walk around Town Lake. My goal was 3 miles. As I began to walk, I had a feeling this could go one way or another so I told myself walk an easy first mile and see how you feel. Mile 1…hmm okay, drink some water and pick up the pace (which was not very fast at all). I hit 1.5 miles and tried to jog a half mile. My legs felt light, but a really weird kind of light. I couldn't tell if it was the kind of lightness where I was just ready to GO or funny lightness feeling because I had neuroapathy in my legs. By the time I hit the 2mile mark, I already knew-"Clarissa, you are walking the rest." The last mile felt like forever, and I was so ready to go home, shower, and sleep. I am glad I was able to get out there, but it was not pretty nor did I recover to a feel good status. Last time I did this, I recovered and had the energy to transition back to work. Not this time…

What Keeps Me Going

During the week was tough but I had the help of my parents which made a big difference. I also had some visitors which always makes me smile and gather extra strength. I was so thankful to see my friend Dave, who with a busy touring schedule, made some time to stop by and visit. Dave is a comedian who travels around the country so he's on the go quite a bit. He's not only a smart and funny guy, but an great friend. Check him out! (Yes, Dave…I'm bragging on you). http://www.davidhuntsberger.com

A colleague of mine from my former campus Garcia also came to visit. We had a chance to catch up and talk "school." Brandy is currently in the UT Principalship Program. I nominated her for the program, she applied, and got in! I am super proud of her, and our conversations reminded me of my role/lead as an administrator-very refreshing. 

Donna Redskins:
Abel,#65 my dad, #30 Richard,
#51 Alfredo

Display at Bob Bullock Museum

I am always grateful for the messages and visits…even if I seem out of out…don't make sense…or if it takes me a little extra time to get my words out, ha. It brings smiles to my face to get messages about bringing me "endless amounts of queso" or just referencing "magic queso" (Cristin and Devin). I also got a message from my dad's dear friend Richard who reminded me "I'm still with you…you've got that redskin blood in you!" I took that as a compliment! I have the utmost respect for my dad and the friends he grew up with in Donna, Texas (Donna Redskins!). They share a special history and friendship. A part of the history their share even got some attention from a director in LA who made a documentary about them. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1836852/

Again, the calls, messages, prayers, thoughts, check-ins…mean the world to me and always come at a good time. 

Tackling Work

I went to work for what was suppose to be a half day Friday. Silly Clarissa, you should know better than that. I went into to work with not much energy at all. I wasn't feeling great, but I did my best to handle the day. Well, the calmness did not last long because one thing happened after another. Even Connie, our nurse, looked at me and said "Clarissa, can I send you home?" I assured her I was leaving campus soon. I got home around 3, and when I looked in the mirror, I could not believe how pale I looked. It was not a good day. Needless to say I was on my sofa from 3 until I went to bed that evening. 

Most of you know, but in case you don't, I am a 9th grade assistant principal. We have about 690 freshman with one AP and one counselor, and let's just say we keep really busy. One end of our school to the other end is about a 1/4 mile long. Our administrative team logs some serious miles walking the campus, ha.  It's spring, and there is no down time or dull moment. Even if I work out of my office, and it usually doesn't last long. I look forward to going to work because I miss my colleagues and team, and it's extremely frustrating when I don't have strength/stamina to make it. Last time I knew I could go in and handle the hustle and bustle with breaks as needed. Not this time…I was SO weak. 

Saturday = ER

I signed up for the Chuy's Hot to Trot 5K thinking I would have a good weekend. Since Friday was no bueno, I went in with the mindset I was going walk it only or walk/jog. Travis and I did the race with our friends Lisa and David. Their daughter Lexi ran the Chuy's K, and it was the cutest thing EVER!! Kids had bibs and received medals at the end-too cute! It was our race time, so Travis, David, and I made our way to the start. I admit…it's hard to be at the start line of a race and not go in running it. David ran it with me, and I was not quite sure what my body would allow, but I went with it. I stayed with his pace and ended up running the 5K. I checked my Garmin, and I paced at 9:30 which is something I have not done since the Houston marathon. I was pretty excited! I immediately started drinking water, ate a banana, and drank some OJ to help recover and get my energy up. Typically I eat that much after a half-marathon...not a 5K, but these days, any run feels like a half-marathon/marathon!

Reason I was at the ER

It gets real exciting when I get in my truck to go home. I noticed some kind of red bruising around Mr. Roboto, and it continued to track red up the catheter to my clavicle bone. This could not be good. My mom used to be a nurse, so when I got home I showed her, and she agreed-not good. I called the doctor on call for my oncologist, and suggested I... 1) Go to the Er 2) Monitor it 3) Call the doctor who placed it. I called St. David's RR Hospital and spoke with a nurse, and she informed me I had to go to the ER. Geez, okay. At this point, I was beginning not to feel so hot and the area was getting warm. I got to the ER, and I was in a room in less than 10 minutes!! Can you believe that?!? I joked with my sister Michelle and said, "Well apparently when you have cancer they don't waste time." My sister even joked how I get VIP treatment in the ER, ha. The doctor came in less than 30 minutes. Tests were completed, they gave me meds, and I was released to go home. It was quite the Saturday. I was reminded with ports you can't mess around. My risk of infections are higher and the risk of the infection spreading into your blood is higher. On Monday, I went back to the hospital to have a radiologist look at it. Same stuff…antibiotics…monitor it, blah blah. Well, the meds helped, but I still wasn't feeling quite myself. I went back to work and the only day I felt good was Tuesday. Wednesday I got really nauseated in the morning and sat in my office for almost an hour before heading into the halls. I left early. Then.... Round 4…

Round 4 of Chemo~Half-Way Done

(God Willing)

Thursday morning I woke up, and yes, I went to work out with David. I woke up feeling good, and he had me on a strength workout the whole time. Let me just say, David is the best. He will text me just to say "You coming out in the morning?!" I so appreciate his encouragement and holding me accountable. I had a great workout and came home to get ready for my LAST round of the "red devil." WooHoo!! I took my antibiotics, and not even 10 minutes later, my body rejected them. Let's just say my body reminded me it didn't like the meds several times. I hadn't even left for treatment, and I was already sick. I mean….REALLY? Travis showed up, and I came out of the restroom to warn him "I've been sick a few times just so you know…" After my first round of chemo, he thought ahead and now keeps a garbage bag in his vehicle, ha. So, he was prepared in case I got "sick"on the way to treatment.

Before mani...

After mani...

I was pretty certain the antibiotics were making me sick and I told Travis "I am not taking these anymore!!." I saw Lisa and Dr. Hellerstedt and both agreed to stop the antibiotics-yay!! My blood culture test showed I did not have an infection, so they think it's a skin reaction to the "red devil" No infection was good news! If I had one, then the port would have to come out, and I would have to get another placed-no thank you! As it is, I have sensitive skin, and when my doctors looked at my nails, they could see how the "red devil" was taking a toll on my nails. Every single nail looked like I had slammed it into a door-no attractive at ALL!! Dr. Hellerstedt said she was going to get me some red polish, and Lisa suggested purple, ha. I didn't think I could polish my nails, but both said I could!! Dr. Hellersted suggested I go over the weekend. I love them! True women being honest, and believe me, I had no problem going to get a mani/pedi-doctors orders! Of course, because I am a cancer patient, I can't just go to any salon. With the help of Jackie, I went to Pure Nails where I was given lots of TLC and attention. I certainly have the best women (shout out to Jackie and Erica) who take care of my beauty maintenance :)

Round 4 misery

Good days ;)

I had my last round of the "red devil", and let's just say the "red devil" wanted me to know it was the last round. While getting treatment, I told Travis "I'm getting that look…that sick look." The look I noticed on cancer patients before I started treatment…wondering "am I going to look like that?" Yep, I do, BUT you all don't see it, ha. I make sure to keep myself at home on those days ;). Even with make-up I notice, and I know I probably notice it more than anyone. Oh well…what can I do, ha. At first I wasn't going to share the pic of me (on the left), but it is my reality post-chemo. Don't be alarmed!!...sometimes I can pull off looking like my pic to the right...but with a scarf ;). 

I was pretty sick once I got home, and had a hard time stomaching liquids. I sipped what I was able to handle. Travis left to go home, pick up Coach then come back to my place. The time he was gone was probably a good thing because my body was rejecting even the liquids, egh. He picked up some soup and coconut water for me, and thankfully, around 9 I was able to slowly eat some tortilla soup. I took my meds and headed for a packed bed, ha. Coach, Cas, me, and Travis. I wanted Travis to bring Coach because I don't see him as much. Once we were on the bed, it took some work for the pups to make room for Travis, ha. 

Old pic, but a goodie:
Me, Laurie, and Dina

On Friday I woke up and felt like absolute crude! My dear friend Laurie came to pick me up for my shot/fluid treatment. I was resting and drank chamomile tea to help with the nausea, and helped for a bit. Laurie is a friend of mine from college, and she always makes me laugh. We've been friends for over 10 years, and it's hard to believe how quickly time flies by. Back in the day, Dina, Laurie, and I were inseparable. We have such amazing memories which includes riding 3 deep in my truck, ha. The day I get rid of "Midnight" will be a sad day for many friends. I got home from treatment and was able to eat a little dinner. I rested, hydrated, and slept. 

I AM STRONG

Socks from Tia Norma
She had them blessed with holy for me.

While it may not make sense, the Saturday after chemo, I always make an effort to do something active. Physically it takes everything I have, but it helps me sweat out the toxins in my body. I can't tell you how toxic I feel on top of feeling stiff with a swollen body. I have to hydrate more, but the sweating helps….then I go home and pass out for hours. My goal was to jog 4 miles with my running buds Cristin and Ashlee, but once I hit the second mile, my body was too weak. I told them I would be a few strides behind them, and then a few strides turned into like 10 strides, ha. Mile 4 I had to walk more…oh well. At the beginning of the route, we talked races and upcoming marathons. I REALLy look forward to the day I can train again and be past this. I told the girls I probably would not be able to train for anything until winter, but I'm okay with that. I have the spring of 2014 to get strong, healthy, and plan for a marathon the 2014-2015 year.

My mantra for the week...

The weekend has been lots of resting and preparing for the days ahead….Taking one day at a time. This Tuesday 5/14 I have a big appointment. Travis and I will be going to my breast surgeon to get another measurement on my masses. Praying they are continuing to get smaller! This will also give me an opportunity to talk more surgery with Dr. Martinez. I will send another update in the next week to give you updates. 

Again, we cannot thank you enough for the support! The care calendar has been a blessing. It's not only been a help for me, but especially for Travis, Cassie Mae, and my parents. My next round of chemo is on May 23rd, and I will start a new phase of medication called Taxol. Getting there slowly but surely. Until the next time...

Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman