Deuces Chemo!

In the chair for the last time!

On March 28th, 2013 I had my first round of chemo, and it is hard to believe I am done with all 8 rounds. July 5, 2013 was an important day for me, and it is over. In my mind, I am at mile 20 in this race. For those who have been at this point in a race know that things get tough here. In a marathon, you will always find a sign that says "Mile 20…you're almost there!!" Umm…not necessarily, ha. I actually get a little annoyed by these signs because you don't feel almost there, ha. It's still close to an hour left of running after your body has been going for maybe 3 hours or so. Close…but not mile 24 or 25 kind of close. The next phase of this race (final 6 miles-a 10k) will be grueling for several reasons: 1) I have to go 3-4 weeks with not treatment 2) Undergo and recover from major surgery 3) Recover from chemo or what they refer to as "chemopause". Surgery will be its own beast, and that in in itself will be difficult mentally and physically. I am closer to the road of remission, but I know it will take over the course of the year to fully recover from the ringer my mind, body, and soul experienced. 

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Ashton's and Brandy's Wedding:
Hesper, me, Kerri, and Amanda
Go Mustangs ;)

Ashton and me. Not just a good friend, but
 he's like a brother to me :). Congrats amigo!

Home is where the heart is. Hmm..so how do I answer that question. Well, I've lived in Austin for almost 14 years, and it is my home. Yet, when I go to Corpus to visit my parents and family that is home too. Visiting Ingleside felt like home. When I am around different groups of my friends, no matter where we are at, I feel at home. So, I have learned that I have many homes. The only way I can define it is with the good ole phrase "Home is where the heart is." My heart is with so many people in so many places. My visit to Ingleside and Corpus was another reminder of that. 

Z and Mitchell (Ashton's bro)
Good amigos too!

Good times-- Go Class of 97!
Travis, me, Drew, and Zach

The Cook Brothers

Z and Kerri-love these girls!

After my 7th round of treatment, Travis drove us to Corpus Chrisit, and I had such an awesome visit. I saw family, and I saw friends who I had not seen in years. Travis, Zelina, and I went to Ashton's wedding in Ingleside. I had not been to Ingleside in at least a few years. Travis finally got the opportunity to see the small town I grew up in. We told him not to blink-he would've missed all of "downtown!" The wedding was perfect…just what Ashton and Brandy wanted. I know I've talked about this before, but growing up in a small town affords unique friendships. Friendships you hold close to your heart. They are the kind of friendships where no matter the years, you just pick up where you left off.  To visit and reconnect with friends I had not seen in years brought so much life and energy to my soul. I believe some of this energy boosted me with extra strength to get me through the weekend. So many laughs, hugs, smiles, reminiscing, and lots of fun! Shout out to my Ingleside peeps!

To see my Tia Norma was special. We share a special bond and sisterhood...we are warriors. She can truly connect with my state of mind and emotions because she's been there. She battled stage IV breast cancer. She had a 50/50 chance, and look at her now! She is an inspiration. 

I also had the opportunity to visit with my Tia Norma, my cousins Steve, Jeanette, and Ashley. I had not see any of them since I began treatment, and again, our visit fueled me with a new breath of life. I had another visit that was very important to me. It was a visit I wanted and knew I had to make. I wanted to see my godfather/grandfather. I wanted Travis to meet him, and I wanted my grandfather to meet Travis. Unfortunately, Travis did not get to meet my grandmother, so I knew he had to at least meet my grandfather who is now 92 (he doesn't look it though!) I know at the beginning he was really worried about me, but I needed him to know I was going to be okay. We had such a good visit, and I was so happy! It was the perfect way to end our stay before getting on the road back to Austin. While it was a short visit home, I am so glad I was there to see loved ones.

Post Round 7

As for my 7th round of post-chemo....well, I will not bore you with the same details, but in case you were wondering….everything I experienced with my last treatment was the same. All the same side effects, all the same ups and downs, and all the same whines/complaints. I imagine the last round will be the same. As for my dosage, my oncologist did not change it. I understand why and respect that she kept it the same. For the last round, I was given the same high dosage of good ole taxol along with the shot. My last week of summer I will recover from treatment, then I will be back at work. Summer was not quite summer for me. I had more days of recovering than "good days." Oh well…I am willing to make this sacrifice in order to live a long, full, and healthy life! It was a blah week, but I had some things to look forward to along with some reminders to keep me positive with a fighting spirit. 

My flowers from Travis 

Travis stepped in quite a bit to be my caregiver most of the week. On Tuesday, he came over to bring me dinner and help out. AND...he surprised me with flowers!! He knew I was having a tough day and brought me roses and daisies. He got me flowers in Wonder Woman colors. I was so touched!! He also brought me my favorite cookie-chocolate chip peanut butter!! Isn't he the best boyfriend ever?!? On Wednesday, my friend Malinda came to visit, and it was so nice to catch up! I look forward to hanging out with Malinda again when she gets back from her pretty sweet vacation in St. Marteen. She SO deserves it. She worked her tail off this semester in her new position, so this trip is well overdue! Towards the end of the week, I had a lunch date with my friend Jane who always keeps me laughing! She is not only super funny, but when she shares stories about her two adorable kids, she puts me in tears! It was so nice to catch up and spend quality time with Jane and Malinda.

Travis and I at the prom with the Superhero Scholarship Winners!

Remember the prom I told you about? Well, on Saturday June 29th Travis and I attended the Superhero Kids prom. Superhero Kids is a non-profit organization that supports kids who have cancer or a blood disease. Here is the link to learn more about them- http://superherokids.org Samia asked if I would be a judge to select 3 candidates for college scholarships. This was one of the hardest tasks I've ever had to do because each candidate was so deserving, but I was honored to do it. She also asked if Travis and I would present the winners at the prom...another honor! The scholarships were granted to seniors who are current or past Superhero Kids. The top candidate received $5,000 and the 2nd and 3rd place winners received $2500 each. Exciting, huh? The evening was great, and I was blown away by the positive energy around us. Cancer is hard for anyone who has to face the beast, but imagine being a student in school. Imagine having to deal with treatment, the side effects, the medical visits, and so much more all while trying to finish high school. These kids faced so many obstacles and through it all, they persevered to prove they can do whatever their hearts desired. For some, it was going to college. I was humbled and inspired on so many levels. It is a memory I will hold close to my heart. 

The Big Week!

Cards from students at Ann Richards

The week of my last treatment was a busy week. Travis' family came in on Tuesday, and we took them to the Salt Lick. Afterwards, we went to see the famous Austin bats! I came home late that evening and found a package at my door. I received a gift from my friend Abby who is a counselor at Ann Richards. She not only left me a bag of goodies, but she also left me cards some of her students made for me. WOW…talk about streams of tears flowing down my face. Tears of happiness, inspiration, determination, and tears of laughter. The girls left me such amazing quotes and words of inspiration. One student made a card that said "I don't have any inspirational quotes, but play tic tac toe with a friend!" She made tic tac toe tables on the card…how cute is that?!?! While these are not my students, for me it was certainly a reminder of why I am in education. I love the spirit of kids of all ages. Even in the secondary world students are still kids at hearts. Education is a passion of mine, and I can't imagine doing anything else (even on my most trying days, ha). 

My Hawk Family: Cassandra, Kate, me, Sabrina,
Kara, and Theresa

10th grade Team! No we did not plan the orange, ha.
That's how close we are ;)
Cassandra, me, and Sabrina

On Wedneday, I met up with friends from work at Shady Grove. We had such a great visit, and I was so happy to see them before my last round. I know I have talked about my work family, but again, I cannot say it enough, without their support, I would not have made it through juggling treatment and work. It means so much to me to work alongside such giving and heartfelt colleagues/friends. 

Egger Family fun in Austin!

Fireworks at Horeshoe Bay

Wednesday afternoon, I met up with Travis and his family to visit UT, and we wrapped up the evening at one of our favorite restaurants-Matt's El Rancho. It was so nice to get to spend time with the Egger Family. The night before my last treatment which was 4th of July, I got to spend the night at Horeshoe Bay Marriot on Lake LBJ. I had never been out there, and it was so tranquil. We had a view of the lake, and it was breath taking. The day was absolutely perfect. I got to relax at the pool, had dinner, watched fire dancers, and then wrapped up with a fantastic fireworks display. The 4th of July had a whole new meaning to me this year. For me, it was not just about recognizing and appreciating the freedoms I have in this country, but also the freedom I was about to receive the next day. Free from sitting in a chair for hours being pumped with meds to help my body battle cancer. As I watched the fireworks, I picked out which fireworks were for me, ha! The next morning I woke up to a beautiful sunrise over Lake LBJ, and I gazed outside the window to collect my thoughts. The last day of chemo---While I was relieved, I also had mixed emotions. There is always the thought…is 8 rounds enough? Did the 8 catch every and any cancer cell that may have traveled its way somewhere else? I can run this through my head over and over, but I have to tell myself-trust in God…only He knows. Not too shortly after thinking about this over and over again, I received a message from Travis' mom and got an email from my sister. Both had perfect timing. My sister's email reminded me of something I forgot. She reminded of some advice a friend gave me years ago about running the last 6 miles of a marathon. I was advised to dedicate each mile to someone to make it personal and battle it to the end. Here was my sister's email to me:

"I can't sleep..thinking of you...thinking of how I ran my first marathon, a friend advised you to dedicate the last six miles (?) to someone, & we chose uncle David & Aunt Norma. He'd be so proud of you, I know she is. You're coming in on the home stretch, & I just want to say, you're to be idolized! Your battle, your fight, your race, your marathon, your PR, is this! Hell of a job sister.

The sunset  over Lake LBJ I woke up to for
the last day of treatment. 

When we all would've understood if you wanted to just fall apart, you triumphed! I love you & I'm so proud of you! You are & always have been my hero. Dedicate & keep fighting for the ones who await results, their loved ones, the ones about to begin their battle, the ones still fighting, & the chosen who have faced defeat. I'll be thinking of you Wonder Woman..all my love!!"

I must stay strong because I have to admit...well, give you my true confession. For over 4 months, I have spent more days recovering from chemo than actually feeling normal. While I've had good days, they were minimal, and even in those good days, I was never quite 100 %. On my good days, I put a smile on my face and let you know I am good! For the most part I was, but quite honestly, I am tired mentally and physically. My body has been in a battle for over 4 months, and I still have much more to go. Now, I have to prepare for major surgery, but I also have to recover from chemo and accept that my body may not be the same again. It will take a year or longer to get past so many side effects from chemo. Here I was thinking that I'd get back to normal in a few months, but realistically, it will take much longer than that. While this is very discouraging for me, I am determined to overcome, but I know it won't be easy. I go back to work on July 15th, and I hate that don't feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Good lord I am tired of feeling sick!!! I am tired of not thinking clearly, feeling weak, and being jerked physically and mentally in so many directions. PHEW!! Egh, I could go on, but I will stop now, ha. Again, this is my confession, and as you can see, chemo has done a number on me. It's no joke, and while I am relieved to be done, this confession serves as another reason I shed so many tears. I am so grateful I had two of my very dear girlfriends with me Friday night. We used to be roommates, and it was like being in the Tea Rose house again (that was our street name). We laughed, cried, cried from laughing, and had a super fun girl's night. If Jane and Amber were not with me, I would've been a train wreck. I probably would have been in tears all night, ha. 

I am glad Zelina reminded me of the last 6 miles of a marathon. I am hitting a wall, but her words helped me realize I am not only battling it out for myself, but for something more too...- "Dedicate & keep fighting for the ones who await results, their loved ones, the ones about to begin their battle, the ones still fighting, & the chosen who have faced defeat." Since my diagnosis, three people I know have died from cancer. Cancer does not discriminate nor does it have any prejudice. While we live in an imperfect world, it is diseases like this that allows our eyes to see the world and life through a different set of lenses. I have to stay focused, determined, and strong, and I still need my loved ones as I face surgery, recover, and recover for the next year as my body slowly adjusts to getting as close to normal as possible. For four months I've endured just about every side effect possible, and during most of it, worked and tried to keep a normal routine. As I look back now, I can only wonder how I did it, BUT I was never alone through it all! It was the blessings from God that got me through each day. These blessings include YOU....my family and friends. 

THE FINAL ROUND!!!
http://youtu.be/AuULcVaMTf0
**Feel free to view...I think I should've wore sweatbands to treatment ;)

My certificate for completing 8 rounds of chemo! 

My final meds and chemo

We met with Dr. Hellerstedt, and she laid out what the next few weeks would look like. I have several very important appointments coming up. I see my plastic surgeon on July 9th, breast surgeon July 15th, and July 18th I go for labs which will give my doctor an idea of when I will be ready for surgery. I should have a date confirmed by the end of July…at least I hope so! Our discussions were the same as before. Of course, the pending information is my pathology report. She informed me if I have any residual disease then the big question is radiation or chemo again. She emphasized my response to chemo has been good, so hopefully I won't have to do either, but we won't know for sure until I have surgery. Prayers I am in the clear! One last bit of information. As you recall from my last blog, I talked about neuropathy and how scary it can be. After my 7th round, I had a toe that went numb. I thought it would go away, but it stayed numb for weeks. I discussed this with my oncologist on Friday, and she asked me several questions such as whether or not it had compromised walking or running. I explained to her that I can feel my toe numb all the time, but the numbness has not bothered me with me workouts. As a matter of fact, I explained to her that I've ran with numb toes in long runs and during marathons so it didn't feel too much different. I guess my answer would've impacted whether or not I was going to get chemo because she said "Okay, we will move forward with treatment today." She also told me I would not get feeling back in my toe. I replied "okay," but in my head I wanted to say WAY more than that and ask more questions. My toe is numb and may never have feeling again…for the rest of my life? WHAT??? GREAT…chemo damaged my nerves! I told my Zelina, and of course, her response "Name your toe!" She asked which toe, and I told her it was my third toe on my left foot. I left her to the naming since she is my PR Commander and because she is witty and good with stuff like that. She named my numb toe Tres (spanish for 3, but not pronounced like you would in spanish, ha). It was good comic relief! 

My certificate given to me
by the nurses and medical staff.

Throwing confetti to celebrate completion of chemo!

Travis spent the first part of my treatment with me, and then my friend Amber came to finish it out. It was the same stuff, but what I was not prepared for was the end. My nurse Beena, who is awesome, told me "Okay, Clarissa you are done!" Then she informed me they were going to celebrate. I was not sure what that was going to look like, then I saw a group of nurses and medical staff walk towards me with big smiles. I felt a huge lump in my throat, and thought I was going to break into tears right then. I did my best to hold the tears back…not sure why. I guess I felt like I had to be strong and not cry. They gave me a certificate, put pink beads around my neck, and threw confetti to "celebrate" my final treatment. Then the tears came. I gave my nurse a big hug, got my things together, and walked out of the infusion room. I am happy Amber was there to share the moment with me. As we walked out, I ran into one of my students. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks after me, and I am so glad she stopped me on the way out. Her mom is in remission now. It was such a pleasure to see her. 

My nurse Beena. She took such good care of me. I broke down here  :(

As I walked out of the building, I continued to cry. I told Amber I didn't think I was going to be so emotional. I had tears of happiness, tears of victory, tears of the unknown (again), and tears of the hardship I faced for over 4 months. Tears of how tired I am, and tears knowing I still have another major obstacle to face.  It was a very emotional afternoon for me. It's still very emotional for me.

Reflecting. . . 

Through the course of treatment, some of my days felt like an eternity, but I was grateful for each day of life. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know much so initially I felt like I had been given a death sentence. As you may recall from my first blog, it was a week of emotions with grieving being one of them. Of course, as I was more educated about my cancer and treatement in general, my outlook became one of determination. Determined to be a warrior like so many other women, and even more determined to overcome the "roadblock" placed on this journey we call life. 

Life certainly has a whole new meaning to me. In life, so many times we are so rushed with the hustle and bustle of daily demands that we lose focus on the bigger picture. God knows I am guilty of it. I was guilty of being too focused on the days ahead or things that I could not control or were not in my control for that moment. I would end up wasting the days away and stressing over way too much. Geez, how many times have I done this? So many days wasted when I knew God wanted me to take in each day of life to it's fullest. Don't worry about tomorrow or the next…live for the day and all good things  will come. I tried to do this, but often times I fell short. Though I know I will slip, after all I am human, this journey has taught me the importance to LIVE for each day. Every day we are given life, it is a precious gift from God. I am grateful for mine. 

If I had not caught the cancer when I did, my diagnosis and journey would look so different. I do not forget I have an aggressive form of cancer. My cancer cells were dividing at 95%. Triple Negative Breast Cancer is a scary cancer to be diagnosed with, but it can also be defeated. I got past my tears, and I transformed into warrior woman mode because feeling sorry for myself was not going to do anything for me. I could not let "C" win! In a sense, I could not myself let me "...worry my life away." So, with that I leave you with an oldie, but goodie from Jason Mraz (who I am a huge fan of!). It's a song called "The Remedy." He wrote it for a friend who had cancer, and I can relate to this song on SO many levels. It is my song to close this part of my journey, but yet prepare me for the road I still have to travel. 
http://youtu.be/lYfcJM-07BI

I have a very important part behind me---chemotherapy. God-willing, I will not have to undergo chemo again. Today I went in for my last shot, and as of yesterday, my body began to crash. Today the pain is more intense, so here it goes again. I will be spending my last week of summer vacation recovering from chemo. What fun, right?! Don't you wish you were me ;) J/K!  Surgery is almost here so I will keep you posted.

I feel so in debt to you. Your outpour of support and prayers carried me this far. While I am not at the end, I am SO close! Please stay with us. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. 

Much love to you,

Clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

It is Official:  One More Round Left!

Another pic from the photo shoot
at Gruene Hall. 

Stephanie sent me this awesome Wonder Woman
Cup-thanks Stephanie-love it!!

It is hard to believe the summer is here, and as I look back on the past few months, I found myself saying "Clarissa, you did it." And I did not do it alone! I made it through the last few months of the school year, and now, I am on the home stretch with chemo. One more round left--can you believe it?!? Today I finished round 7! I enjoyed the days before because I was feeling good and close to normal. My last round was SO HAARRDD!! I thought maybe my oncologist would reduce my dosage for this round, but NO--MAN! I was really hoping, but oh well, I am not the expert. As I sat in the chair to get ready for treatment (5 hours of it), I looked at Travis and said "Egh, I am getting the same dosage." His response "Well, would you start walking or stop at mile 21 of a marathon?" Umm...NO! 

I can see the light...I am closing in on the part of the marathon where you are getting so close, but it hurts, and well, you still have a long ways to go. I will be done with chemo in the next few weeks or so, but please know my marathon, my race, my unforeseen journey is not nearly complete. I have anywhere from 3-4 weeks with no treatment. I am not sure how this will make me feel. The down time allows my body to get healthy enough to undergo major surgery. The tumors on my right side are smaller, but not gone, and as of now, my medical team does not know anymore than that. Before beginning chemo, they informed me I was about a stage two based on the information they had at the time. My final pathology report is pending until I have surgery. Surgery in itself will be a another battle. Double mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery will not be pretty, will not feel great, and will take  weeks of recovery. Please, stay with me, Travis, and my family. We still have quite the journey before I am on the road to remission. 

Family to the Rescue and Round 6 Recovery

My padres at the Salt Lick

Over the week, I had lots of quality time with my parents. My parents sleep later than me these days, so while they were asleep, I started out my Saturday morning with a run. Well, I say run, but it was more like a run/jog/walk. My stamina and strength are at an all time low. Here is a run down to give you an idea of how much strength and stamina I've lost from the cumulative effects of chemo and from the number it's done on my hemoglobin and red blood cell count:
Before I found the lump and received my diagnosis, I ran the Houston Marathon and set a PR. A few weeks after my diagnosis, I ran the Austin Livestrong Half-marathon. I continued to work out and run with my running group through March, and once I knew I was not going to have surgery, I signed up for the Cap 10K. Within the first two weeks of treatment, I ran a 10K. In May, after my 3rd round of chemo, I ran a 5K which I paced at 9:30 for the whole race. So, what do I have now? In all those races and training workouts, I could run, but now it is a challenge to jog, and I have to take multiple walk breaks. 

About a month ago, I noticed I could not run 3 miles without stopping to walk. Now, after I jog (not run) a mile, I have to stop and walk. In my mind, I WANT to run  4miles or more and not stop, but sadly, my body won't let me. At first, I was really discouraged and bummed about it. For someone who has been running regularly, it is hard when I can't run past a mile. Then I realized, while I am not able to run certain mileages like I used to, I can still go out for an hour or more and keep my heart rate up  the whole time. On my good weeks, I make it through my workouts with David (which are not easy!). The other day I was pretty excited to jog 2 miles non-stop. I was determined to do it, and I did it!  I am accepting this as part of my training for future races when I am back to a normal routine. I have to tell myself I can only do what my body will allow, and after today's blood work, it will not get easier. My hemoglobin has dropped even lower. Hemoglobin carries oxygen which a big part of the reason I tire out so quickly, good and bad days. My body fatigues quickly. I am at a 9, and if patients drop to 8.5 or lower, then iron is needed which is administered through my port. I am so close to the end, so I am going to have a SERIOUS talk with my hemoglobin and red blood cells and let them know they need to "woman up and fight like a girl!" They need to know I don't have time for this nonsense ;) They are challenging me physically, but I hope in the long run, my body will get stronger. So, when I am back on a training plan, I will found out what I am made really made of.

My "gangsta" pic, ha. This was
the day I was covered head to toe
because I had constant chills.

I am becoming a little more experienced with this whole chemo thing. I have learned that within 48 hours of chemo, the side effects of the chemo begin to kick in. Within 24 hours of the nuelasta shot, taken 24 hours after chemo, these side effects begin to kick in too. Basically, when Taxol and nuelasta come together, it is the perfect storm. Crash and burn baby. Both make your body ache to the bone, and the pain is so intense, you are never quite comfortable. For round 6, I said, "yes, give me the pain meds," and sadly, the relief was minimal, but I still took them. Even with the steroid, claritin, and pain meds, my body hurt to the core. My body aches and pain kicked in with a whole new level of intensity and much earlier than the last round. No matter what I took or did to offer relief, my body just throbbed…it was the like the energizer bunny where it just kept going….AND…going…GOING! GRR..

Zee with the girls :)

Oh, and guess who came back to visit me??…queasy and nausea. How nice of them to visit me again! Sunday I was beginning to feel all side effects, and come Monday-WOW. Let me put it to you this way--

Yep, apparently God thinks I am a badass. It was "Miserable Monday." I was in so much pain, queasy, no appetite, and when I tried to eat, it turned my stomach. I had the kind of pain where you don't know whether you should laugh, scream, or cry from it. Monday was just terrible, and part of the reason it was so terrible was due to neuropathy. Yeah, I mean…who wouldn't love their feet to tingle and go numb---pain so intense it hurt to walk. Piercing pains shooting down your legs, arms, and random parts of your body. Hands also going going numb to the point where I could not open a water bottle. All I could think was "Clarissa, this is going to be a rough ride." Speaking of rough rides---During one of my rounds of chemo, my sister Michelle got really sick too :(. She was in the hospital for days. Michelle had a kidney stone and had to get her gallbladder removed too. We were in different cities, but in misery at the same time. In the words of my sister Michelle "We are Alvarados-either go hard or go home!" Haha! Alvarado women are hardcore for sure! So, while in this misery, I have to thank my sister and her colleagues. Zelina's supervisor has been so flexible and supportive. With a busy time at work, she allowed Zee to leave early so she could come and help me. Because Zee had class, she was only able to come for a few hours. Love that I have family who live close enough to make quick trips. 

Walls and More Walls

My friend Susan gave this to
me-love it! Thanks Susan!

Running a marathon, you get to a point where you hit many walls, and some are harder than others. I have certainly hit a wall in this race (one of many), and rather than give up, I had to talk to myself mentally to dig deep. Part of what helped me prepare for Tuesday was GI Jane. Yeah baby!!! I needed so motivation so I popped in the movie and got ready for my "A" game!! I just love GI Jane. I included a couple of clips to relive the moments! I have an all new appreciation for the scene where she shaves her head-how empowering!!! Here it is!
http://youtu.be/LU_mJDOB7ZM 
This clip is where the master chief explains that pain is your friend...I guess pain is my friend for now, ha. http://youtu.be/g1Bd5DhItKQ

At some point I will do a one arm push-up...and maybe look like GI Jane one day, ha! If only I could get by body to look like this...David B. help!!
Thanks to Lisa and David who let me borrow the movie :). By Tuesday, besides the overall body aches, my neuropathy was intense. Luckily, my parents came in to help me out. I could not walk down my stairs without holding onto the rail, and my walk was more like a shuffle. Doing more of a shuffle reminds me of my godmother/grandmother. God bless her soul. She was the most amazing woman and so strong in her faith. If you ever had the honor of meeting her, you instantly felt a special presence about her. I believe she was an angel on earth, and now she is my angel always at my side. Before she passed (couple years go), my grandmother had different medical complications with one being osteoporosis. She had to walk with a walker, and she didn't walk, she shuffled. Trying to walk was so painful for her sometimes. When her health took a turn for the worse, I remember seeing and hearing her in pain, and through it, she held on as long as she could because she was such a strong woman. During my moments of pain from round 6, I asked my grandmother to bless me with her strength. I asked for the strength, mentally and physically, to fight through the horrible pain the chemo was placing on my body. I can tell you it wasn't an instant relief or answer, but she gave me strength and answered my prayers many ways. 

Zee and I with grandma

My last pic with my grandmother at Christmas

Through the works of God and my grandmother, she got my parents to Austin safely to help with the day to days tasks I couldn't do.  I know this experience has been hard for my dad, but he gathers a smile laugh and strength to take care of me like a little girl again. She made sure my mom hand the strength everyday to be on the go so I could rest. My mom would bring me socks, cover me in blankets, whatever I needed to help with any pain I was in. Come Thursday, she gave me the strength to get up, get dressed, put some make-up on, and go to an administrative conference that afternoon. By Friday, I was able to drive to the conference on my own and spend a half day there. Friday afternoon, I still had to rest, but I could walk without feeling like my feet were on pins and needles. Saturday, I was able to walk/jog 5 miles with the neuropathy still present. So, while my relief didn't come instantly, I do believe my grandmother blessed me with many small gifts of strength to get me through the week. I also know God and my guardian angels have my back too! Of course, the positive words of encouragement and prayers I receive from you contribute to the fight I had to endure daily. A runner can't get through a race without "spectators." 

I was told Taxol is easier, and personally, I do not think that is the case. Taxol is a different kind of hard. The neuropathy for this round was so persistent and painful. Without chemo, nausea can happen for various reasons, but neuropathy is scary. Neuropathy reminds of the bad chemo does to me. It reminds me it is killing my good cells and damaging my nerves-not cool...not cool at all. 

Oh, and I am losing my eyelashes and eyebrows. I imagine if I had thinner eyebrows, I would have lost them weeks ago, but they are definitely thinner. I have areas where you can tell there is no hair at all, and I am hoping that's all I will lose. A good portion of my eyelashes are gone too, so I stopped curling my eyelashes and using mascara. It is best anyway. The mascara was beginning to burn my eyes. 

My friend Carol lives in New York now,
and she found time to make some of my
favorite cookies! Thanks Carol!!!

So, while I whine and complain of all the physical and mental effects the chemo has on my body, I can say I am ever so happy for the positive effects it is having on killing the cancer and shrinking the two masses. With that being said, I want to emphasize that my treatment has been VERY promising. The outlook is good, and before you know it, I will be on the road to remission!

Travis (AKA-Dog Whisperer)
Cassie, Coach, Bella, and Maya

I want to share a few words on Travis, and I thank all of you who ask about him. Travis has been such a trooper through all of this. He has seen me at my weakest and most vulnerable moments. Lord, bless his heart when he has to hear me whine and complain, ha. He has been so patient when I have moments of NO patience, easily irritated, whiney, moody, and more indecisive than normal. I am sure he has his own list, ha. I know life has been a bit different for him, and he always has a smile on his face and keeps things light and funny. There was one night when I was in quite a bit of pain, so he massaged my knees to help alleviate the pain, and while he did so, I had a moment of sadness. I have them now and again. Sad that he has to see me go through this and experience it, and sad I am even having to go through this. Like I said, Travis is trooper and a super strong person. He is one of the strongest people I know who always has a positive outlook on everything and anything…and most importantly, it is driven by his extremely strong faith in God. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers as well. He has a long ways to go with me too. 

 Summer Time

Dancing with my daddy

I managed to finish out the year, and now I am on summer break. When I started to slowly feel better, I was able to gather the energy to do a few things with my family. Father's Day Weekend, we visited several small towns. We went to Gruene and New Braunfels on Saturday. We took my dad to the Phoenix Saloon which is a pretty awesome place! For Father's Day, we ate at the Salt Lick, and it was my parent's first visit. They really enjoyed it. It felt good to enjoy some outings and not be in constant pain. I thank God for my parents who can be at my side and help when I need them. In their retired state, they are quite funny too! 

Father's day with my dad

Salute to my dad: My dad...where do I begin. He is our rock, and like my sister said, our foundation. Simple, humble, strong, and a man with a big heart. He is self-less in every way. I know my diagnosis has been hard on him, but in his heart, I know he knows I will get through it. My dad endured many hardships, but I believe some of these hardships define part of who he is today. He grew up in a family of 8 as a poor migrant worker, and eventually, he grew up with a single parent, my grandfather. Through it all, he stayed in school, earned his diploma, he was a football state champ (Miracle at Donna), Vietnam Veteran with 2 Purple Hearts, degrees in Biology and Chemistry, and now enjoys the fruits of his labor. He retired two years ago. He is funny, and the life of our family pachangas (any pachanga really)! He says things I don't think to say. I could go on and on about my dad, but one person we are ever so grateful for is the late "Doc." My dad was shot twice in Vietnam (they were never able to remove the bullets), suffered a concussion, placed in a body bag and his head hit the bottom of a helicopter while being airlifted, and he flat-lined once he arrived to a hospital.  Doc saved my dad's life, and for years, he thought my dad didn't make it. As a matter of fact, some of the guys would look for his name on the Vietnam Memorial Wall. About 7 years ago or so, Doc and my dad were reunited. My dad's first words to him were "Doc, you saved my life." If it were not for Doc, my dad would not be here today. Love you dad!

After I get my nuelasta shot tomorrow, Travis and I will be traveling to Corpus Christi. One of my best friends, Ashton Cook, is getting married on Saturday. I have not seen him in years, and while I know Saturday is usually the day I begin to get body aches, I gave him my word I would be there. I want to be there! It is an important day for him, and I look forward to seeing friends from my small town :). I also have some family and friends who will visit me while we are there, and I am excited to see them. They have not seen me since I started treatment. My visit home will help me mentally to fight and dig hard for the upcoming week...it will not be an easy one. 

Reminder: Austin Race for the Cure is November 1oth. Our team name is "Bros and Bras." If you are able, please join us. My Care Calendar Commander, Amber Laroche, is the team captain, and I thank her taking the initiative to coordinate a team. 

Houston family and friends: Houston Race for the Cure Houston is Oct. 5th. Zelina's friend, Stephanie Jaramillo, has a team as well "The Rack Pack." She asked if they could do this in my honor, so I invite you to join. God willing, I can at least walk it! I hope you can join too. So honored and thankful Stephanie coordinated a team as well. 

Please know I pray for you and thank God for you. My family and friends are the world to me. I am so thankful for the ongoing support you have given me, Travis, and my family. The past 4 months would not have been possible without you-muchas gracias!! You are the BEST TEAM EVER!

Much love to you,

Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman

Travis called this pic my "Wonder Woman Club". His nieces
and nephews wore temporary Wonder Woman tattoos for the Buffalo Half-Marathon too :)
Love this!!!

Moving Right Along....

Prom 2013-Hawk Family 
My admin team wearing PINK with our SROs.
Without their support work would have been
impossible. Missing kate and Officer Rock in this pic...

It felt SO GOOD to share good news with you on my last blog! As hard as it has been, the chemo is doing its job and has helped me stay focused on the finish line. I still have my ups and downs, but I manage to work through it and get back into the "race." I've had several people remind me of my strength and made reference to a high school track meet. My sophomore year, I ran the first leg of the mile relay on a broken foot. I had no idea it was broken. My foot felt funny, and by the time I hit the 200 m mark, I heard a pop and that was it. I finished the race on my heel (kinda) and handed the baton off to Robin. 

Believe me, I've had plenty of those moments at the half-way point of a marathon when I ask myself, "Clarissa…can you do this....I still have such a long ways to go!" One marathon I clearly recall was back in 2012. I had trained religiously for the Austin Marathon, and my high mileage runs were strong with good training paces. Days before the marathon, I got sick. I was on antibiotics and pretty certain I had walking pneumonia by the time it was all said and done. Race morning I could feel the weakness and acheiness in my body. I ran the marathon and felt okay until I hit about mile 10…then mile 14 I sat at the medic tent debating whether my body could still go and finish. After about 5 minutes, I got up and told myself one mile at a time. While I didn't hit my goal time, I managed to set a PR, and I finished the marathon literally one mile at a time. I've learned and "trained" in a sense to work physically and mentally through challenging moments. I'm doing my best to apply those same skills in this race. I'm at the half-way point…mile 13.1!  Once I am done with chemo, surgery will be the second part of the race!  All in all, I am moving right along, and again, giving my best EFFORT to focus on the finish line!!

Zee and I=Round 5

TAXOL (AKA Green Hornet): What's It Like…You May Ask?

Green Hornet: My friend/colleague Norma gave Taxol this name. Just a random thing walking in from bus duty. Taxon needed a nickname, and she gave it one...The Green Hornet

It is hard to believe that I finished my 5th round of chemo two weeks ago and finished the 6th round today. I imagine this next week will be like what I describe from round 5. It doesn't seem like that long ago I was sharing my crazy week of medical appointments to get ready chemo. Thanks be to God, I made it through the red devil and moved onto to Taxol. My parents and my sister Zelina (Zee or Z) drove in Wednesday for my 5th round.  I knew it was going to be a long day, so my mom and sister took shifts. I was in treatment for 5 hours!! Talk about a long day. Thankfully, for the first round of taxol, they gave me a good amount of benadryl so I was out most of the time. My dad decided to stay back to do some things around my place for me. 

While Taxol is suppose to be easier on you, I can say at this point, it has relieved me of the crazy nausea and traded off with intense body/joint/muscle pain. Basically, I still have all the same side effects with the exception of nausea and now overall body pain. This pain is unlike any pain I've ever felt before! I could not believe how bad my joints and muscles hurt. Over Memorial Day Weekend my parents and I drove to San Antonio to visit my sister that Sunday. While I was weak and in pain, it was nice to be driven and relax. I wanted to see my sister and her new place because I had no idea when I'd get to go. My body hurt like crazy. There were times my knees would give out on me. It was hard to even straighten out my knees. Muscle spasm also kicked in mostly in my legs, but I also got them in my abdominal area. My oncologist gave me a heads up on the body aches and joint pain along with neuropathy. Neuropathy is more present with taxol. So, again, while I am getting a break from the nausea, new side effects have stepped to say "welcome to taxol Clarissa!" Thank you taxol for giving me SUCH a warm welcome. It caused really intense and throbbing pain in all my joints, bones, and muscles. I walked like a viejita, and even when I laid down, my body throbbed. I've had my share of soreness and pain, but this is WAY different. On Tuesday morning, I woke up with tingling feet and hands…ahh the gift of neuropathy. Oh-AND the gift of chemo brain-nice...

My head is all over the place these days. At one of my visits I talked with my doctor about it, and she explained the whole "chemo brain" thing to me. It's kinda hard to explain how it makes me feel, but I can tell you I definitely have it. It's one of those where it might be hard for others to really understand, but to give you an idea, I included an article from AmericanCancer Society that gives a pretty good explanation. Feel free to read…or not. 

http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/physicalsideeffects/chemotherapyeffects/chemo-brain

New Perspective On Life and Reasons Why God is GOOD!

The other day, rather than watch TV, I decided to play brazilian jazz instead. I have a love different kinds of music especially various genres of world music. When I stopped to slow down and give my brain and body a rest, I was reminded of some of my favorite things that have been in hibernation, ha. For example-besides music…I used to go salsa/merengue dancing back in the days and loved it! I used to listen to music more than watch TV. My point...I am finally learning how to slow down and bring back the favorite things in my life. 

Several people told me how this whole "experience" makes you look at life differently. For example, taking a walk outside has a whole new meaning when I take in a breath of fresh air and look at what's around me . For the past few months, I felt bad thinking…"Umm, my head is going crazy, my body is a mess, and life is too crazy to stop and smell the flowers." I am beginning to understand it takes time to get to that point. My ah-ha moment took place one Saturday morning. I was walking across the bridge on Town Lake, and as I gazed across the water and trail, that breath of fresh air I was talking about became a whole new kind of fresh air. The water, trees, and everything around me had a different look. It was like going from regular TV to HD, ha! 

My nieces: Bella and Maya. A pic from our visit
to San Antonio

Minutes later I was walking past a woman who looked at me, smiled, pointed at her hair and said to me "that's beautiful." I thought I was going to cry…I was walking without my bandana. I had a little more pep to my step! I made my way to to the rock, and while waiting, I ran into Samia from Superhero Kids. It was such a pleasant surprise! After visiting, I was so excited to tell Travis about the volunteer opportunity Samia offered with Superhero Kids!! Let's just say he's going to be my prom date later this month :). I'll share in a future blog what this volunteer opportunity will be (besides the prom). 

I also ran into Amber, Malinda, and a colleague from my teaching days. It is a very rare occasion to run into so many people on Town Lake. I wasn't having a bad day nor was I in a funk so I kept thinking "why all the pleasant surprises today?"  My answer..All I can say is God is GOOD! I believe the Holy Spirit paid me a visit through various means to remind me of the precious gifts in my life. I was also reminded you don't have to be having a bad day or in a funk to be reminded God is always with you. Again, I am learning to slow down and TRULY LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST. I am not perfect at doing it,  but I can say I am much better than I was before. 

On the way home from work one day I spoke with Ashton Cook, and I had not talked to him in a long time, but our conversation made my day. I look forward to going to his wedding later this month. After our conversation, I drove into my driveway and noticed a box at my front door. It was my friend Stephanie Peterson. A box full of goodies :) Madlibs was part of the box of goodies….I smiled and laughed out loud to myself. Back in our elementary days, Stephanie, Ashton, and I used to fill these in with all kinds of craziness. We probably thought we were the most hilarious people ever. I couldn't even tell you what we wrote about, haha. Stephanie, Ashton, and I have known each other since kinder. I've been friends with them for over 20 years…pretty amazing, huh? It warms my hear to maintain friendships with people I grew up with a small town. While I've always been and will be a city girl, a part of me is a small town girl. How can it not be a part of who I am? When I hear this song by John Mellencamp, it reminds me of my days growing up. I appreciate my memories and friendships I made and still have from Ingleside. 
http://youtu.be/N_so94yxRtI

Travis' temporary 
Wonder Woman tattoo

Love this woman! Amanda...former professor,
 former colleague, and best of all..a very dear
friend. Friends are the family we choose :)

The Brunner Family…I am so grateful to them for being so supportive. Over Memorial Day Weekend, Travis traveled back home to Buffalo to visit his family and run the Buffalo Half-Marathon. Before this whole cancer thing, I was planning on running it too. It would've been (according to my race calendar) my 10th half-marathon. Oh well…I'll get there. The Buffalo Half-Marathon was a first for Travis' sister Carrie, bro-n-law Chris, and brother David. I love that they got to share the experience together! Every one did a great job including Travis who PR'd with a 1:32! Travis told me all of them wore temporary Wonder Woman tattoos….I was so touched. 

I shared some of these stories because they bring smiles to my face, bring life to me, and of course, fuel me with strength. I can't do this alone, and I knew that from the get go. I am so honored and blessed to call you friends and family. With GOD and all of you, this marathon…this journey…this fight… would be IMPOSSIBLE. 

Chemo "Buzz"

My chemo buzz (my sister came up with this) causes me to talk crazy/forget...quotes from  today:

• "Yeah they texas me" (texted)
• "Are you going to Aston's wedding?" (Ashton)
• My sister said "I like that you play with your scarf like it's your hair." I replied "Yep, I love to feel the scarf blowing my wind." = "I love to feel the wind blowing in my scarf." (Of course I'm joking and being a little sarcastic here with this quote.)
• My sister asked if my new Tom's fit....my response? "I forgot they came in.
• "Zelina do you mind beaming me my wallet?" = (bringing)

And I slurred multiple times...my sister finally looked at me with her finger over her mouth and said "You should just stop talking!" HA! Gotta love some chemo brain....causes me to say crazy things, ANNDD I'm not so articulate. 

What Next?

Wow…so yesterday I wrapped up the school year with teachers and staff. This marks my 10th year in education-7 years teaching and 3 years as an administrator. WOW! June 5th also had a couple of meanings for me--- 1) 4 months since my diagnosis  2) 1 month left of chemo!! JULY 5TH = MY LAST DAY OF CHEMO---WOOHOO!! Yep…I am doing my happy dance. Check it out ;)

 http://youtu.be/BiAwpYIkRmU  

Round 6-Yeehaw! Though..I
don't feel like saying that in this pic, ha.

Zelina came down today to take me to my 6th round of chemo. Can you believe it? Round 6?!?  (which took 4 hours-phew!!)….2 MORE TO GO!! Beena, my nurse today, informed me to take it easy the next few days because I am taking a high dosage of Taxol. She said it's higher than what most patients are taking. I had NO idea! YIKES! Also, my red blood count and hemoglobin continue to drop. This has been the pattern the past month. Story of my life right now, ha. I can see the finish, and I have to keep reminding myself of---1 month left and 2 rounds to go! Stay with me though…I still have the second half of this marathon. The two masses on my right side are shrinking, but they are not gone. They have to come out! After chemo, I have to get through a double mastectomy with reconstruction, recover, and complete future procedures to be on the road to remission. Gotta keep on digg'n! 

As always, I thank you for the support, prayers, and thoughts! 

Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman