Renewing Body, Mind, and Soul

Short Version: Since my last blog, I've been focused on renewing my body, mind, and soul. Let's just say it's been a bumpy ride, but I'm getting better. So…here are some updates since February:

• I'm still in physical therapy. 
• I see my oncologist and breast surgeon again in May.
• Due to ongoing symptoms, I'm wearing compression everyday until May. Boo.
• Laverne and Shirley are good. I saw my plastic surgeon, and I'll see him in 6 months!
• Spring Break-We took the dogs to the beach. It was the perfect getaway!
• I can run up to 8 miles! I ran my first race for 2014: Cap 10K
• I am exercising 3-4 times a week
• I started yoga
• I've been on a regular work schedule for 2 months now.
• After 15 years, I let go of my girl Midnight, and now I have a new ride in my life~Pearl.
• We had a relaxed Easter, celebrated Travis' birthday, and look forward to seeing his parents this week. 
• Continuing (and trying) to move onward and upward.

Long Version:
A year ago, I started chemotherapy, and it was around this time where the reality of my world really started to go full throttle. One year later, I am ever so grateful to be where I am today. However, I am still giving my all to work out all the kinks and continue to learn through many trials and errors. I have to work harder to stay healthy. What worked before does not work as well or as effectively and that can be VERY frustrating. I have my flaws and my moments of weakness. I also have the moments where I gaze into the mirror, and I can see how the stress of the year has aged me. Yes, I know all of us notice something different year to year, but for me, what I see is more than what I've seen before. I look into the mirror, and I see the face of a very tired…tired…woman, ha. Like I've said many times over, it's the trade-off. While it is hurtful sometimes to see how much stress I see and feel inside and out, I am thankful to have the strength I do to rebuild my body, mind, and soul. It's quite the journey.

Over the past 2-3 months I've noticed many significant changes in my body. I've had ongoing changes due to the inevitable this year, but the most recent feel more permanent…if that makes sense. I'm doing my best to keep up and with that comes changes in my diet. Life is MUCH more expensive for me too. Half of what I'm referring to are the things I can't avoid, and the other half are the changes I've made because of the following quote:

Travis hears his share of…"you should buy that organic…you should eat that organic…don't' eat there because I saw what they put in that stuff…"My grocery bill doubled, but I'm okay with that. It is a personal choice, but I am particular about where I shop not just for groceries, but for day to day products. I have to be more cautious about what I put on my skin, what I wear, how I eat, how much water I drink..and the list goes on. Again, some changes are personal choices, and some are choices I just don't have. I'm a broken record with this statement, but….lots of maintenance in my life. Don't get me wrong, I still go to my favorite restaurants and treat myself from time to time with all the yummy joys in life! Thankfully, Austin's local restaurants are about serving healthy, natural, organic, and quality food. And-I'm all about keeping it local (Austin and weird). 

Cas loved the waves!

Medically…where am I? I see my oncologist in May for my 9 month check in. For this appointment, they are going to check my bone density and vitamin D levels. It is my hope that I will continue to see all good numbers across the board for my bloodwork. I will also see my breast surgeon. They are going to take measurements of my arm and get an update to determine whether or not I need to continue to wear compression daily. I have not been diagnosed with lymphedema, but due to ongoing symptoms, the compression was required to reverse any possible early symptoms of lymphedema. So far, it's been successful.

I am continuing to receive lymphatic treatment along with building my program to regain full strength and range of motion. I am excited about all the different movements I can perform now. I recently saw my plastic surgeon and had a great visit. As of now, I shouldn't have any major surgeries, but possibly outpatient stuff…no biggie. After all I've been through, I can pretty much handle any medical procedure. I'll see him in 6 months. I've also been seeing a dermatologist. My last visit,  I received steroid injections for some of my battle wounds. Some are beginning to keloid so hopefully the steroid injections will help (BTW…these injections are not fun).

Earlier in the month I ran my first race for 2014- Cap10K, and I was very excited that I was able to run the whole race without stopping. Because I had not been running much, my goal was to finish and walk when I needed to. I felt good when I started and coached myself through each mile thinking this may be the mile I literally lose all adrenaline, ha. It never happened. I was 55 seconds from setting a PR. I am working out 3-4 times a week, and on some days I wake up at 4 AM to begin working out at the gym by 5 AM. I know that may sound crazy, but by the end of the day, I am wiped out. Going to the gym after work is harder than waking up super early. I've noticed I am more productive and sleep better on the days I workout early AM. I also started going to yoga at pretty cool place called Wanderlust Yoga (thanks for the suggestion Amber!). 

Recently, new research was published on Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I've mentioned this before, but part of the reason I made the choices I did for treatment and surgery was because there is still so much doctors and researchers don't know about this type of cancer, and the research is ongoing. For cancers that are hormone positive, most women take medication from anywhere from 5-10 years as continued treatment. For women, like myself, who had triple negative breast cancer, there are no additional treatment options once chemo and surgery are complete. While there is an advantage to that, it's also kinda scary. Reoccurence and risks of other cancers are higher and while the next 5 years are critical, the first three years are even more critical. I'm not obsessed with the risk of getting cancer again, but it does scare me. As I've said a many, many times, my body is not and will never be the same, so I have to work harder at keeping it healthy. I have to work harder overall in this whole survivorship phase. I am getting better at handling this part of the journey, but it's never easy.

Pardon the language…but I read this and said yep--that's about right.

I still have my moments of weakness, but I noticed I have more moments of strength. The spring has truly been a season of renewal for me. Last year during this time, I was in the beginning of chemotherapy, I lost my hair, went GI Jane, and began to slowly disintegrate with all the cumulative side effects of chemo. One year later, I am building what's left of me. And quite honestly, what bothers me more are not the scars I see everyday, but rather, the tiredness in my face…the aging I've seen take place so rapidly. I know it eventually happens to all of us, but sadly, chemo makes the process happen sooner than later. Major boo!! If you find the fountain of youth, please let me know, ha! This is one of my of my personal confessions, and while it bothers me, I constantly have personal interventions to remind myself of the trade-off.

It was a tight fit in the Mazda!

This year already has many updates. Over spring break, Travis, Coach, Cassie Mae, and I took a road trip to Port Aransas and stayed at a house on the beach for the first half of the break. It was the perfect trip, and the dogs had a blast! We are going back in the summer because we had such a grand time and staying at the same house. We came back from Port A and enjoyed the rest of the week in Austin. After spring break, my truck, Midnight, took a turn for the worse. My friend Amber needed help picking up furniture and taking it to her new house (very exciting!). It was on this day I noticed Midnight was acting up. By Monday, I knew it was time. It was like she told me "this is it…I can't go anymore." I had to act fast, so one week later, I let "her" go and purchased Pearla AKA Pearl. Pearl is a 2014 Chevy Equinox, and I love it!

Coach loved the water too…and he loves his tennis ball.

Life is a bit different, but it feels good to get it back to a different kind of normal. Travis, the dogs, and I had a relaxing Easter weekend. We not only celebrated Easter, but we also celebrated Travis' birthday. We look forward to the upcoming week-Travis' parents are coming to Austin! So far, 2014 has been good to me, and I look forward to moving onward and upward on this journey of survivorship. Until next time…namaste ;)

Much Love to YOU,
Clari
All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." ~ Wonder Woman

My last pic and evening with "Midnight."

My One Year Cancerversary

My Unforeseen Journey 2014
Tackling Life After Breast Cancer: A Different Kind of "Normal"

Short Version:
I had my second and (God-Willing!) last reconstructive surgery on Thursday Jan. 30th. On top of beginning yet another recovery, I also had a pretty bad allergic reaction at the hospital. Overall, I am resting and trying to get healthy again. At the end of the month, I will see the many doctors on my medical team for my 6 month check in. I am doing my best to stay in good spirits, survivorship is still hard, but I am a focusing on 2014 as my year to bounce back and transform to A Different Kind of "Normal." February 5th is my one year cancerversary…the day my life changed forever. The celebrations throughout this journey would not have been possible without the support I received from family, friends, and from prayer warriors everywhere. While I could reflect and discuss every part of this journey again, I will not overburden you with "reruns," but rather invite you or new readers to look back on past blogs. I do every now and then to help me in my personal growth. One year later, I still wake up with my boxing gloves on and look to God for guidance. Lots to reflect on and lots to celebrate. 

Longer Version:
Looking back on one year ago, I didn't realize I had my biopsy on World Cancer Day (February 4th). If you are not familiar with it, here is a link to learn more. I encourage you to read and check it out. http://www.worldcancerday.org

One day later...February 5, 2013 I received the frightening phone call that changed my life forever. I can still feel the emotions, and it's haunting. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A week later I found out I had an aggressive form of cancer-triple negative. The lives of my loved ones also changed, and they became co-survivors.

One day I was walking by a classroom, and it had a small white board outside the door with a quote written on it. It said something along the lines of "Life is too short. Wrong! It's the longest thing we will experience." Wow. I read it over and over so clearly it resonated with me. It's very true. While we feel life slips past us too fast, life is the longest experience we will have. I am thankful to all those who walked with me hand in hand, to those who saw and still see me struggle day to day with life, and with so many life lessons I can't keep count. 

First and foremost, I decided to continue blogging about my experience because I want to continue to keep my family and friends in the know of this journey. My other reason is this: there is part of a cancer survivor's journey that sometimes goes unrecognized. It's part of the journey people don't always see, realize, or quite understand the challenges to it. Survivorship. I've referenced it in past blogs, but now I am really trying to grow, understand, and explore more of this phase to transform myself to a different kind of normal. I thought I had a good handle on it, but I have a lot to learn. My cancer marathon is complete, and now I am taking strides into a"survivor" marathon...though I am going to call it the "survivor ultra marathon." Survivorship is going to be a much longer race. Before you continue on…feel free to clink on the link and view…it gives a hint as to what I will be talking about next.

http://youtu.be/W2ZXjY5rTHg

Back in November, my oncologist referred me to a new dermatologist because I began to breakout like a teenage girl going through puberty! I am glad I got another dermatologist when I did because I had another skin issue. Early January I developed a new skin condition, and I had to change most of my products. Something else to keep maintenance on. SO.AWESOME. When I see my oncologist at the end of the month, we will discuss another specialist my dermatologist is recommending. Keep the specialists coming, ha! Okay…now onto "the switch." 

My second reconstructive surgery went smoothly with the exception of having an allergic reaction at the hospital. AS if my skin hasn't already taken a beating. Just.My.Luck!! I can already hear my former "tea rose" roomies laughing and having a flashback to our days when they took shifts watching me due to a bad allergic reaction I had to a sulfa drug. The memories, ha! I was about to be discharged, and as I was doing my best to change clothes, I looked in the mirror to see what I looked like, and rather than noticing "Laverne and Shirley," I saw my body covered in redness!!! My back and under my arms looked like I had a severe sunburn. I had hives everywhere! I was evaluated by doctors and nurses, and thankfully, they discharged me anyway. Even in my loopy and groggy state, I didn't want to stay there. I wanted to go home. 

My expanders were removed and placed with implants. I am happy the expanders are out. They were heavy and hard…not comfortable at all. I got used to them, but there is a major difference with implants. I even have a serial number on the implants, identification card, AND a warranty :). My surgeon also revised my scar from where my port was placed because he was not happy with the way it was healing. Just another perk from having a plastic surgeon! Now, I rest, recover, and heal, and then I will return back to physical therapy. It is my hope that beginning in March I can begin running again and start a yoga program. Rehab and rebuild! 




I am stating the obvious when I say I look at life differently, but shame on me...I am guilty of the same habits I wrote about from my last blog! I am guilty of not putting my health first and overwhelmed by little things. Not putting my health first has been heavy on my heart and mind. I also feel guilty when I complain, but I think I've earned earned some wiggle room to complain. Another personal intervention--It comes down to this---Before I can begin the full recovery and healing process I am focused on for 2014, I realized I have to be upfront and personal with the challenges I face one year later. I am probably being pretty raw, upfront, and forward here, but I come with a disclaimer ;). I am healing mentally and physically, but when you have to transition back to life after cancer….well-it is not the same. So here it goes--

On a daily basis, it's like I have to work 20 times harder…if not more, to function the way I did before my unforeseen journey. For that, I need continued patience and understanding. Internal healing is the hardest for others to understand--even for me. At the beginning of the cancer journey, people can physically see your hardships. No hair, scarves, ports, paleness, puffiness, weakness, chemo nails, etc. Then surgery happens, hair begins to grow back, and things tend to look normal on the outside. It appears all is good. She is good and back to normal. Yes and No. 

The efforts made to transition back to life after cancer is much harder than I anticipated. I live the positives and recognize all celebrations. After all, they are what get me through the days and keep me in good spirits. You would think after being in remission, there are rainbows, flowers blooming, birds chirping, and happiness all around. Yes…and No. But…like I've said before, I still have to wake up each day with boxing gloves on. I am in remission which is awesome, but I am not fully healed. It will take years. I will never be the same. My body will never be the same. I am changed forever. I don't mean this to be completely negative nor am I trying to be a downer, but rather stating the realities of what life was, what life is, and what life will be. These are my personal hardships. To not recognize or acknowledge them would be denying my ability to truly move forward and heal. Life before and after cancer affects everyone differently, but my hardships are not unique. It's the hardships I was warned about. The will be is the part I strive to make the most of, and of course, stay positive about.

Cassie and Coach

As I continue to move onward and upward into 2014, I hope to grow stronger in this phase of survivorship. While I've had these ongoing reflections, I've also had a whirlwind of trials, errors, many lessons learned along with lessons to be learned. It's harder than I thought. Really, I'm learning everyday. The internal battles and healing that take place are hard to describe and hard to communicate, but it's real. 

Maya and Bella

Over the year, so many of you took time out of your schedule to take me to medical appointments, treatments, visited me, brought me meals, cooked for me, walked Cassie Mae, stayed the night with me, gave up your Friday/Saturday night to hang with me, watched me in my sickest moments, visited me in the hospital, sent me cards, sent me messages, gifts, sent me love, prayers, and so much more. I felt them then, and I still feel the positive and vibrant energy. I made it to this point in my life because of you, and I mean that with all my heart. Cancer survivors can't thrive and survive without being surrounded by love. Love is all around us (Love Actually-my favorite movie)! 

In honor of this one year cancerversary, I want to honor you and give you a HUGE virtual hug thanking you for the ongoing support. It's amazing to think how much took place in one year, and thanks be to God, my treatments, surgeries, and outlook have been positive. I have chingos of maintenance and cleaning up to do, but most importantly, I have a full life ahead of me. A life I am going to give me all to rebuild. My health comes first, and if I lose focus on that, PLEASE set me straight. I am asking for your help. I can't do this survivorship thing alone. Help me help myself stay focused on the bigger picture-God, health, life, and happiness.

So, when I say much love to you-I mean it! Do a happy dance!! Have a drink for me! (BTW…my favorite celebration drink is Matt's El Rancho margarita!) Celebrate! One year later, we crossed the finish line to a different kind of marathon…Raise your glass (or your next one)

Here's to a FULL recovery, awesome health, defining survivorship, and putting the shattered pieces of my life back together. A slow process that will go day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year. It's not a sprint. It's a different kind of marathon. It's a different kind of "normal." It's my survivor ultra marathon.

http://youtu.be/3GwjfUFyY6M

Much Love to YOU,
clarissa
"All Women Can Do Wonders If They're Put To The Test." 
~ Wonder Woman

Flashbacks from the year…we've come a long way….

Houston Marathon January 2013

February 2013: Austin Half-Marathon
Team Superhero Kids

March 2013: Gruene Photo Shoot

The First Haircut March 2013

My first Chemo Treatment 

Half-way Through Chemo May 2013

June 2013

July 2013-Last chemo treatment

The night before bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery
Aug. 6, 2013

August 2013: Chemo nails 
AKA "ombre nails"

Morning of surgery Aug.7th, 2013

August 7th-10th  2013: St. David's Hospital

September 28th, 2013: Celebrating remission and my birthday

October 2013-Remission Photo Shoot

November 2013: Race For The Cure

Team Bros and Bras

December 2013: Christmas

Houston Marathon January 20th, 2014

Travis set a PR-Woohoo!

Reconstructive Surgery #2

To Be Continued…..

Adios 2013

These are all the scarves/bandanas I wore through treatment

A new year brings a new chapter to my unforeseen journey, but for now, I give you my farewell…my final blog---Adios 2013. 

When I began blogging, I compared my journey to a race. It was and still is a different kind of marathon. I spent a great deal of time thinking of how to begin and wrap up this final blog for 2013. Quite honestly, I had a hard time finding the right words and thoughts, but I guess that goes to show how overwhelming it was for me this year.  To say this is my final blog for 2013 strikes a great deal of emotion and intensity. 2013 changed me, my life, and the lives of my loved ones forever.

So…what to write…my first thought…. "Oh, I can totally write this as a dear john letter!" It could go something along the lines of…

Dear 2013,

It's been REAL…and I say that literally! 2013…what it comes down to is--well, it's not you, it's me. This isn't working for me. We're over!

Then, I think-really….I can't be COMPLETELY mad at 2013. I don't look to blame or search for all the why's and what ifs'. I can only do what I've been doing-accepting life for it's challenges (though it's not always easy) surprises, setbacks, but with that also comes celebrations, successes, and a plethora of blessings!

One evening I read all of my blogs, and once I got passed editing and catching all grammatical and spelling errors, I had many moments of asking myself "what the hell happened?!" I'd even stop and say out loud "Clarissa really?!" You worked on that day…or you ran that day-crazy head!! While I am still growing in my faith, I can tell you this, and I believe I've stated this before, there is a power much stronger than us. I may not be able to fully explain it, you just have to believe and have faith when I say, God is responsible for all I was able to do. He knows our journey and placed the family and friends I have knowing that my  life journey would take on a major challenge. I did my best to make life as normal as possible, and I was able to do so because God blessed me with ridiculously awesome family and friends! I have the BEST support system anyone could ask for. 


Monday January 21st, 2013 was the day my unforeseen journey began. February 5, 2013 it was a official. I crossed the start to a different kind of marathon-I had breast cancer.

There is an exhaustive list of memories-good and not so good, but there is one day that still comes to me now and then. l remember being so angry and grieved about my illness. A few days after my diagnosis I had a personal intervention. I remember the day very clearly. My parents, Zelina, and the dogs were downstairs. Everyone was up and moving around, and I hit a major low. The kind of low where it hurt so bad I was numb to it, so I snuck up to the guest room with Cassie Mae and shut my door. I laid down, curled up, and cried my heart out. The tears of hurt, uncertainty, pain, and the unknown consumed my heart and soul. It was the dream you wished was a dream, but no….it was real. It was almost too real. I'll never forget looking at Cassie and asking her "Cas, did you know?" The way she looked at me told me she did. Cas was little miss independent and was affectionate when she wanted to be. Months before my diagnosis, I noticed she cuddle up by me more than normal. I thought she was being more needy, but I truly believe she wanted to be closer to me because she knew her momma was sick. Love my lil fur angel :)

Turkey Chase-Thanksgiving 2013
Travis was 3rd in his age group…and won a turkey trophy!

I was pretty sickly that year to year and half before my diagnosis. One day at work I was talking to two of my friends/colleagues, and I shared with them something I had not said out loud. When friends or family asked why I ran or would choose to run during treatment, I always knew why. It wasn't just for the obvious reasons, but for a reason I didn't always share. I ran a lot before I was diagnosed. From 2011-2013, if I wasn't training for a marathon, I was running half-marathons or other races. A year ago around this time when I was training for Houston, I would get frustrated because there were days my body felt like it just couldn't go. I knew I was in shape…why I couldn't I just GO?! After a long run, it would take me the whole day to recover. Overall, I was more tired than normal and attributed my low energy to my life and hours at work. Now that I look back, it is no wonder why my body couldn't go! It was like my body was saying "Giiirrll…you got cancer up in heerre! Slow down!!" I was able to set a PR in the Houston Marathon, but during all those long work days, long runs, and crazy weeks, my body was fighting a battle I had yet to learn about.

By the time I found the lump and was diagnosed, I had two tumors in my right breast. The fact it had not spread to my lymph nodes was a blessing. After all the countless miles and many races I ran, I would like to believe running saved my life. Maybe…just maybe the running positively impacted my overall survival. So, on those days when I could've stayed home feeling sorry for myself, I got up…and I RAN! I highly recommend watching this video. It's a good representation of the many races I faced this year and the years passed…
***Once the video is over, you can stop it. No need to listen to the guy after, ha.

http://www.runnerspace.com/video.php?video_id=64548#ooid=g4dzhpNDp-rRybpyH_lw9xRCCghTLulY

Many of you saw me at my weakest-mentally and physically. Life has taught me valuable lessons, but I must confess-I am still guilty of getting overwhelmed, stressed, less patience, getting caught up in the flow, etc. I attribute part of it to my chemo brain, and the other part to plan ole "I'm still learning." I've been through the ringer, but I am better about stopping for a personal intervention to get my focus back and remind myself of the bigger picture…reflect-deep breath-visualize---what is most important in life. When I am stressed and anxious, I'm thinking too far into the future. When I am depressed, I am thinking about the past. When I can lay back and smile, I am living in the present. Honestly, these are not my words…I stole this from Robin Roberts, but she stated it perfectly. It is VERY TRUE. So when I get anxious or depressed, I stop and say "Clarissa, live in the present…live for TODAY!!"

Fashionista? Yes…it's the new trend
compression sleeve and glove :)

As for my medical stuff, I finished physical therapy on December 17th, but they have not discharged me yet. About mid November I began to have problems with some swelling and achiness in my arm, so I am in a compression sleeve and looking at other options for lymphedema prevention. I don't have it, and I don't want it! My physical therapist told me I have one spot that looks and feels like it could turn into lymphedema so I am making every effort to give it extra TLC. Prayers my body heals and pushes the nastiness out of my lymphatic system so there is no lymphedema. Another example of how the fun never stops for me! Good time, eh?

The awesome Flexitouch
massage gadget…fun stuff!

My next surgery which I will refer to as "the switch" is set for January 30th. I will be out of work for 2 weeks max and go back to the recovering, healing, and transition process. Overall I've managed to stay relatively healthy, but there is lots of maintenance in my life…and I am not exaggerating…like chingos of maintenance. It can be consuming, tiresome, and frustrating, but I have to remind myself it is the trade-off I was given. The last visit I had with my oncologist went well. My white blood cell count dropped, but it's expected. My body is in the rebuilding process. I am slowly learning through many trials and errors on what works and doesn't work for me overall. I will see her again, along with my breast surgeon, in February.

As for 2013….well….

2013 I love you, but I hate you. 
You broke my heart. 
You mended my heart. 
I shed countless tears. 
I counted many blessings. 
You changed my soul forever. 
My physical and invisible scars will haunt me forever. 
They are also my celebrations. 
You transformed me into a warrior. 
You transformed my loved ones into co-survivors.
They're stronger for it.
I'm stronger for it. 
Yep~All women can do wonder if they're put to the test. 

There ya go. That's my rare poetic moment for you, ha! Honestly, these were just random thoughts that came to me on the days my mind would race, and I just couldn't turn it off. As we look into the new year, we always look at the positive ways to change our lives and be better people. I have a list myself, ha. What is most important for me this year is to LIVE. Live in the moment. Live for today. Live for tomorrow. Live each day like it's going to be "The Best Day Of My Life." Thank you American Authors for writing such an awesome song. Love the song and its meaning. The clip captures some of the many treasured memories from this year. 

**(First video you can play on your laptop or iPad. Second video is for your mobile phone. Sorry if you have issues…not super tech saavy, ha)

Happy New Year to you and yours. I've been waiting for you 2014! Thank you for coming along for the ride, and if you are willing, then stay tuned for My Unforeseen Journey 2014. 



Much Love to You,
Clari
**Yep-that's me! Told ya Wonder Woman is my super hero…LOVED her as a kid :)
And no…don't know what's up with the pom poms, haha. 

Austin Race For The Cure 2013

On Sunday November 10th, almost 40 of my family and friends battled the crazy traffic and tons of people to participate in Austin's Race For The Cure. It was a moment I'll cherish and hold close to my heart. Again, a big thanks to all those that came out! If couldn't make it, no worries! I imagine Team Bros and Bras will be back in 2014!

After Team Bros and Bras got together for the final team pic, I wanted to thank everyone, but I knew it would NOT be easy. I could already feel the lump in my throat. The first few words did not come out clear, and my emotions took over! I cut myself off quick before the ugly cry, ha!

Sunday's Race For The Cure was my niece Ellie's first 5K. We walked the 5k together hand in hand, and it is a memory I'll treasure and cherish. She didn't have a bib, so after the race, I gave her mine :). As I took pictures with Team Bros and Bras, my heart was full of joy knowing the moment was BIG and BEAUTIFUL because of God. I am surrounded and blessed by such amazing family and friends. Rather than talk about Austin Race for the Cure and revisit why "this fight is personal," I thought I'd share a lil something to capture the day along with the memories that consumed my mind throughout the walk. 

(second video is mobile phone compatible)

A few weeks before Race for the Cure, I did another photo shoot with Robin Jansky. This was my remission shoot. She did such an awesome job, and there was one thing I wasn't prepared for. I brought the scarves and bandanas I wore through treatment. When Robin asked me what they meant to me, I almost broke down. Zelina didn't let it happen though! She did something crazy and made me laugh, ha. I by no means mind being asked personal questions, but sometimes I don't know how I will react. In this case, the scarves meant more to me than I thought. 

My mom and dad laid my scarves on a old fence at Floore's Country Store. My scarves and bandanas symbolized just how personal it is. The scars I see on a daily basis. My short hair. My aching and stiff joints. My fatigue. My setbacks. My chemo nails. I could go on. There are days I feel great, then there are days I feel-mmmm...not so great. Post-chemo has been rough-October was a mess! A couple of weeks after my appendectomy, I caught an inner ear virus that causes vertigo. It knocked me off my booty! I was so sick, and  it put me out of work for another week. Lesson learned-again. NEWSFLASH---Evidently, your immune system doesn't bounce back a few months after chemo. I knew it took about a year for chemo to run its course through your body, but overlooked my immune system still takes a hit from that. Not groundbreaking-I know this! I admit sometimes I forget (chemo brain) and have to be reminded. The journey continues to have its ups and downs, but thankfully November is being extra nice to me. So nice I was able to run my first 5K since May! No walk breaks…and it was slow, but I am making a running comeback! Below is the link to the photo session I had with Robin. She is awesome! A huge thanks to Robin, Martin Flores, and Stephanie Cortez for taking care of me!

 http://robinjanskyphotography.com/she-woke-up-each-morning-with-her-boxing-gloves-on/

My dad and Tom Banda. Tom held pictures that belonged to my dad for over 20 years ago. Over 8 years ago, my dad not only got the pictures back (pics of my aunts), but he was reunited with his "brother" from Vietnam. 

It was honor having my dad and Tom at the HHS Veteran's Ceremony

My dad is not just a veteran, but a co-survivor as well. 

I don't know about you, but I am WAY excited for the holidays and welcome 2014 with open arms! On Thursday November 21st, I will have my first 3 month check in with my oncologist. I'm not nervous…I know it will go well! It's onward and upward for me, and I will continue to keep updated!

Much Love to You,
Clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." ~Wonder Woman

Back to the Drawing Board...

Today, I walked around my complex...1/4 mile at turtle pace-AGAIN! It's frustrating, BUT...when I get knocked down...I get up again (Chumbawamba).

As most of you know, I am a huge Wonder Woman fan.
My parents can probably share some stories with you, ha!  She was and still is my super hero

Lesson for me...while it is great to be in remission, it will continue to have it's ups and downs. My body is whacked out! I will have days or weeks of smooth sailing, but I know not to be surprised if I have a setback. Dr. Hellerstedt warned me about survivorship. It's not easy. Yep...she's right. Friday's surgery certainly slowed me down. My body has been through a quite a bit the past few months, and I can say with confidence, my body is pretty unhappy right now. I definitely need to give it extra TLC. Here is what the past couple of weeks have been like...

For Travis and Zelina, it was deja vu! October 7th marked two months since I went into remission and had major surgery. Geez...AND---here I am back at the start line. Before all this mess, I had just worked my run/walk to 5 miles! I was working full days. Zelina and I were planning on going home to visit my mom for her birthday. I was gaining more strength and range of motion. Though I still get fatigued and have ups and downs, I was getting stronger each week.

He is not just my boyfriend, but my best friend...and a co-survivor. It takes a special person to stand by and support someone during difficult times. We are inside Easy Tiger drying off...just in case you're wondering...ha.

The day after my birthday, I woke up with a pain in my side. I didn't think much at first and thought it was something musculature. Friday morning comes along, and it is still there. Again, I don't think much of it and figure it will go away. I did duty at the volleyball game Friday night, and by the time I got home, I was very weak and tired. I attributed my physical state to being back full time with duty days. Saturday morning felt okay, so I got up and went to the trail. After my workout, I made my way to my favorite spot-The Soup Peddler! I always get the voltron smoothie, and while I was super excited, I wasn't all that hungry. Sadly, the smoothie didn't hit the spot like it normally did. That evening I was getting together with friends, and I didn't feel all that great. I could tell throughout the day my appetite was funky, and I just didn't feel right. By Sunday morning, the pain in my side was more present, my appetite was even more shot, and I felt achey. Okay...time to call my oncologist. This is not musculature.

I called Monday to speak with the nurse and inform her about my symptoms. They scheduled me for Tuesday afternoon. I had two doctors appointments that day. I am still seeing my plastic surgeon and go to physical therapy twice a week. As I left my appointment Tuesday, I called my mom to give her an update. My mom proceeds to tell me "don't be alarmed, but I am following the ambulance. Your dad is being rushed to the hosptial." WHAT?! While I was not feeling well, neither was my dad. God bless my mom! While my dad was in the hospital, I continued dealing with all my mess on top of worrying about my dad! Not a good week to say the least. 

My good ole medic bucket.

Waiting to be taken back for surgery

I had a CT scan on Wednesday, and Thursday I had my results. Thursday: Jennifer, the nurse for my oncologist and nurse oncologist, informed me it was my appendix. The schedulers called me next, and by the next morning (Friday), I was seeing a surgeon. I took a half day expecting to be back at work that afternoon. I thought I would either have more tests done or get a "what next plan." NOPE...because of the tenderness I had during my exam, CT results, along with other symptoms, the doctor told me if we waited, it would get worse. We had to act now. What? Next thing you know, I am being admitted to Seton Hospital. I called Zelina and Travis, and they made the arrangements to be with me. And for the record, I NEVER want to go to Seton Hospital again. St. David's is my go to hospital. Friday I had an appendectomy. Good times again. I am so thankful Travis and Zelina could be there with me. Devin also came to visit. It was nice to have the support there. It's frustrating to get knocked back down, but the support helps me bounce back. Really...it could be worse. All went well, and I was out late the next day (and ready to leave that place).

Meanwhile...my dad was still in the hospital, but thanks be to God they released him on Monday!! He has pancreatitus. He's been in good spirits and doing better. He will have surgery to remove his gallbladder, so we are waiting as to when that will take place. 

Other than the setback, I've been making progress. It's not always easy, but I just roll with it. Being that it's breast cancer awaremness month, I've had many emotional moments I wasn't expecting. On October 1st, Good Morning America had a special episode for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I must confess...between watching Robin Roberts, GMA, and the whole breast cancer thing in general, I was in tears!! I am still so tender and raw to this whole experience, so sometimes I think it's healthy to have a good cry. Tears of happiness along with other emotions are needed now and then. It's not just about me, but it's about the millions of women and men who are diagnosed daily with breast cancer, those who lost their battle to it, and those who await results.  And really...it's not just breast cancer, but ANY type of cancer. It's a beast, but there are many who beat it. My friend Robin sent me a Wonder Woman card with a message that resonated with me. She said "Cancer did not define me. I defined cancer." I have yet to meet a cancer survivor who did not define cancer. There is a fight in all those who have to battle the big "C."


Whether you are reading this for the first time or have kept up with my blog, I encourage you to read my first blog. So many women asked me how I found the lump. I found it by doing a self-exam. In July of 2012 I had my annual exam, and breast exams are always completed. I found the lump in January 2013, so in a matter of 6 months, I had two tumors in my right breast. My journey could've looked very different if I hadn't completed a self-exam and discovered the lump. Self breast exams are SO IMPORTANT! Encourage others, but most importantly, encourage yourself to make it a point to complete exams monthly. My message isn't intended only for women, but men too. 



Flashback:  The pictures below are from my surgery in August. My sister forgot she had them and showed them to me last Friday. The last place I wanted to spend my weekend was in a hospital, but I feel pretty relieved it's not the kind of experience and pain I had a couple of months ago. Seeing these pictures are good reminders of the progress I've made!

I am in lots of pain here and can't lift my arms. Travis is feeding me small pieces of crackers. 

The day after surgery my surgeons wanted me up and moving. I am wearing the ridiculous belt, ha!

When I saw this picture, it broke my heart. It really made me sad. I had NO idea how swollen I was and how distressed I looked. Zelina just looked at me and shook her head in agreement. My body has taken a beating-ouch :(

Thanks be to God I did not leave the hospital on Saturday with 4 drains and a pain pump! The surgery I had a couple of months ago has me more than prepared to recover from an appendectomy. I am moving onward and upward. It's back to the drawing board. At this point, I know how to increase my stamina and strength. I know my body even better now. I'll be just fine! 

When I turned 35 a couple of weeks ago, typically I would've made a statement implying how old I am, ha! I would've attributed new aches and pains to the good ole I've hit my mid-thirties-YIKES! My attitude has changed. This birthday had a whole different meaning to me. I welcome each day, week, month and year God blesses me with. The aches, pains, and setbacks remind me I'm ALIVE!  I'll joke, whine, complain, vent, and be vulnerable, but deep in my heart, I know what matters most...the gift of life. 

Much love to you,
Clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." Wonder Woman