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| It's hard to believe how chemo can change you in less than 6 months. |
I cannot believe the day is here. On Wednesday August 7th at 9:30 A.M my life will change forever. A new chapter in this journey will begin-REMISSION!!
When I started this blog, I used the analogy of running a marathon with this journey. Like I've said before, I am by no means an elite runner, and I still have so much to learn about running marathons and other challenging races, but what I do know is how to push mentally and physically through moments of weakness. Marathons challenge the body and mind, and I knew my unforeseen journey would challenge me in the same way.
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| Celebrating at Brewster Street Michelle and me :) |
For reasons I will never quite understand, only certain people are selected for this "race" you don't get to sign up for. You don't have a training plan ...there is no race course to view, and the "swag" bag looks VERY different, ha. It's not a choice, but the choice you do have is how you start, maintain, and finish. It is a different kind of marathon, and it is by far the hardest I've ever had to endure. I am always looking to PR in anything I run, but I can say there will be no PR compared to this one. Running is emotional, and BY GOLLY so is dealing with cancer! I know...nothing ground breaking. Yep...this PR is personal, and this PR will impact me for the rest of my life. Quite honestly, it will define me. I am not saying that I am branded by cancer in a negative way, but rather, carrying with me my internal and external battle scars. These scars are reminders of how I had to battle the big "C". It's also about the many lessons I learned day in and day out. It's about life. It's about the kindness and care I saw from others. It made me closer to God. It's about how I am a stronger woman for it. Cancer slowed me down. It made me appreciate life more. It made me appreciate the little things I took for granted. It made me understand I am not always in control, and that's okay. I could go on...I think you get the idea ;) Throughout these past 6 months, I envisioned a strong finish with all of you as my support cheering me along one mile at a time. Well, the moment is finally here. I am about to cross the finish line...can you see it?...can ya see me?!!
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| Brother and sisters! We are missing Zelina :( Me, Albert, Adriana, and Michelle |
Last night I read my first blog I sent to you, and it brought tears to my eyes. Not tears of sadness, but of many emotions. It's really not my strenght that carried me over the past 6 months. It was (and still is) the outpour of strength you showered me with from the moment I shared my diagnosis with you. It was the power and special work of God who brought YOU into my life, and it is also the work of God who has carried me to battle this darn thing! Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart...thank you for taking time to read my thoughts and updates, thank you for checking in, thank you for your positive thoughts, thank you for your support, thank you for the thoughtful gifts and cards, and thank you for prayers. Whether you are a spiritual person or religious person, there is something and someone beyond us.
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| My twin!! I didn't know how much my brother and I looked alike until I lost my hair, ha! |
Prior to today, I was more occupied with the "to-do's" and prepping for the big day. Every now and then I would get a little nervous about surgery, but I was too busy with so many other things. I was focused on getting as much taken care of as possible so I didn't have to worry about it later. However, I knew the days drawing closer may be different. I was right, ha!
Friday Aug 2nd was my last day at work. I was leaving early to get on the road for my brother's wedding in Corpus Christi. I always wake up feeling okay, but Friday was a little bit different. I was excited about the weekend, but the anxiety started to set in. Nothing about second thoughts on my decisions for the type of procedures I am having, but more so on surgery itself. I check-in at 7:30 AM on Wednesday, so those 2 hours before will be another moment recorded as one of the "longest moments of my life!!" I've had surgeries before, but not MAJOR surgery. I've also never been under for that long (4+ hours), so yes...this weekend I was freak'n out a little bit inside, ha!
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| Jamming and raising the roof to music and fireworks! |
Spending time with family helped with my nerves. Friday night we went to see the Spazmatics where we danced and sang our hearts out to 80's and 90's music. The evening was a pre-wedding celebration, my cousin Rene's birthday celebration, and I asked if I could crash the party with a pre-remission celebration too, haha! There was even a fireworks display at the Whataburger fields. I joked with my sister Michelle and said "Oh, ya'll shouldn't have...fireworks..thank you!!" So, yes I pretended the fireworks were for my pre-remission celebration. I even ran into friends as I was leaving the concert...it was such a pleasant surprise!!
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| Reunited!! Danny, Bebe, me and Monica |
Of course, Saturday was a big day---wedding day! It was a fun evening spent with family and friends celebrating Albert and Magda's new life together! It was a blast, and of course, our family is all about dancing, music, good company, good food, and mariachis :). For two nights I was up til 1 AM (this is a rare occassion!), and while I was extremely exhausted, I was ever so thankful to get to spend quality time with family before this major event in my life.
It was good to be busy because I was stressing over the weekend. While this is far from a strength, I do an excellent job of internalizng my stress, ha. I am doing my best to ask God for the strength to let the fears and anxiety go and release it to Him so I can feel at peace inside. It's hard, but I am trying!
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| Alvarado's!!---Go hard or go home ;) |
So, to kinda recap for you---I am having a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. In case you are wondering...here is a summary of the procedure:
Dr. Martinez, my breast surgeon, will do the mastectomy first. It's also a skin sparing mastectomy so she is only taking out breast tissue along with 2 lypmphnodes. The lymphnodes will be tested to determine if the cancer spread to my lymphatic system. Once she takes out all of my breast tissue along with any cancer that is in the tissue, Dr. Haydon steps in and finishes the surgery. He will begin reconstructive surgery and place tissue expanders which will be filled in with so many CCs of saline. Tissue expanders are like temporary implants. When I wake up, I will not be completely flat. Yes...I am getting a "boob" job, ha! Million dollar question....wondering if I am going to go a bit bigger? Maybe ;) Here's a little something for you...it's fun and random, but funny! Travis suggested it ( I know he was kidding) so I am sharing! Maybe we can have a party like this in my hospital room?
http://youtu.be/xVkU8dDSC9w
I am not sure how I will react when I am awake and alert, but I am prepared to have a breakdown. I don't think all of this has completely hit me full on yet, so I am keep telling myself "Clarissa...it's gonna come...be prepared!" I don't have second thoughts about my decision, but it's still emotional. I chose to go more radical for several reasons:
1) Researches and doctors are still learning quite a bit about triple negative breast cancer.
2) In the years ahead, I am not 100% completely in the clear of breast cancer, SO I have to know I did everything possible when I had the opportunity.
3) Simply stated, I don't want to do this again.
A pathology report will completed, and I will get results within 5 days. The report is extremely important. It will determine my final staging after chemo, and it will determine if I am in the clear or will need additional treatment. If I need more treatment, I am okay with that. Not that is was fun or anything, but I am all about doing what they gotta do to clear me of cancer. Again, it only takes one cancer cell...yes just one cell to effect another area in my body with cancer. UMMM....NO THANK YOU! If pathology looks good..then I am DONE!! Because my cancer is triple negative, I don't have to take medication or do any type of hormone therapy. The only things left for me will be be reconstructive procedures which includes another surgery to place the final implants.
Well...in less than 48hours I get so stay at the luxurious all-inclusive St. David's Hospital on 32nd street ;). While I wish I was really checking into a resort, I will settle for surgery so that sometime in the future, I can do it up all-inclusive resort style! I am getting things together like my hospital bag, and I am making a hospital mix for my iPod. A little bit of everything will be on my mix: mariachi loco, Ave Maria, Blurred lines, Thriftshop, Wake Up, Knights of Cydonia, Danger Zone, Three Little Birds, Over the Rainbow, and so much more!! I will also have special items with me to keep me comfortable. One of these items is a very special guardian angel given to me by my Aunt Ana. My uncle's battle with stomach cancer ended almost seven years ago. When he was in treatment, he was given a guardian angel. My aunt told me she knew he would want me to have it. She gave it to me this past Saturday, and of course, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I am taking it with me on Wednesday. I know I have very special guardian angels watching over me. I will be in the hospital for 1-2 nights. Also, during surgery Mr. Roboto will be removed. Our time together has come to an end. I know---it's sad. Here's to you Mr. Roboto! http://youtu.be/Gbkhla8Ivlk
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| How perfect is this card!! Thanks again Malinda! |
I know I am in good hands. I trust my surgeons and know they are going to take good care of me, but I am still nervous! Please say a special prayer not just for me, but for Travis, my family, and for the doctors, surgeons, and medical staff who will be taking care of me. We will do our best to send it out updates within the first week. In the mean time, you are welcome to check in with us. Again, thank you a million times over. I'll see ya at the finish line!! Share the moment with me, view, and celebrate!
http://youtu.be/Jmd4OLzhQw0
Clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman
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| From friends at work: A Wonder Woman Snuggie! I had no idea they had them! |
Austin Race for the Cure is November 1oth. Our team name is "Bros and Bras." If you are able, please join us. My Care Calendar Commander, Amber Laroche, is the team captain, and I thank her taking the initiative to coordinate a team.
http://austin.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/AUS_AustinAffiliate?fr_id=3486&pg=entry
Houston family and friends: Houston Race for the Cure Houston is Oct. 5th. Zelina's friend, Stephanie Jaramillo, has a team as well "The Rack Pack." She asked if they could do this in my honor, so I invite you to join. God willing, I can at least walk it! I hope you can join too. So honored and thankful Stephanie coordinated a team as well.
To access Clarissa Alvarado's personal CareCalendar site,
visit http://www.carecalendar.org/ logon/145353 and enter
the following information in the appropriate spaces:
CALENDAR ID : 145353
SECURITY CODE : 5667
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