My One Year Cancerversary

My Unforeseen Journey 2014
Tackling Life After Breast Cancer: A Different Kind of "Normal"

Short Version:
I had my second and (God-Willing!) last reconstructive surgery on Thursday Jan. 30th. On top of beginning yet another recovery, I also had a pretty bad allergic reaction at the hospital. Overall, I am resting and trying to get healthy again. At the end of the month, I will see the many doctors on my medical team for my 6 month check in. I am doing my best to stay in good spirits, survivorship is still hard, but I am a focusing on 2014 as my year to bounce back and transform to A Different Kind of "Normal." February 5th is my one year cancerversary…the day my life changed forever. The celebrations throughout this journey would not have been possible without the support I received from family, friends, and from prayer warriors everywhere. While I could reflect and discuss every part of this journey again, I will not overburden you with "reruns," but rather invite you or new readers to look back on past blogs. I do every now and then to help me in my personal growth. One year later, I still wake up with my boxing gloves on and look to God for guidance. Lots to reflect on and lots to celebrate. 

Longer Version:
Looking back on one year ago, I didn't realize I had my biopsy on World Cancer Day (February 4th). If you are not familiar with it, here is a link to learn more. I encourage you to read and check it out. http://www.worldcancerday.org

One day later...February 5, 2013 I received the frightening phone call that changed my life forever. I can still feel the emotions, and it's haunting. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A week later I found out I had an aggressive form of cancer-triple negative. The lives of my loved ones also changed, and they became co-survivors.

One day I was walking by a classroom, and it had a small white board outside the door with a quote written on it. It said something along the lines of "Life is too short. Wrong! It's the longest thing we will experience." Wow. I read it over and over so clearly it resonated with me. It's very true. While we feel life slips past us too fast, life is the longest experience we will have. I am thankful to all those who walked with me hand in hand, to those who saw and still see me struggle day to day with life, and with so many life lessons I can't keep count. 

First and foremost, I decided to continue blogging about my experience because I want to continue to keep my family and friends in the know of this journey. My other reason is this: there is part of a cancer survivor's journey that sometimes goes unrecognized. It's part of the journey people don't always see, realize, or quite understand the challenges to it. Survivorship. I've referenced it in past blogs, but now I am really trying to grow, understand, and explore more of this phase to transform myself to a different kind of normal. I thought I had a good handle on it, but I have a lot to learn. My cancer marathon is complete, and now I am taking strides into a"survivor" marathon...though I am going to call it the "survivor ultra marathon." Survivorship is going to be a much longer race. Before you continue on…feel free to clink on the link and view…it gives a hint as to what I will be talking about next.

http://youtu.be/W2ZXjY5rTHg

Back in November, my oncologist referred me to a new dermatologist because I began to breakout like a teenage girl going through puberty! I am glad I got another dermatologist when I did because I had another skin issue. Early January I developed a new skin condition, and I had to change most of my products. Something else to keep maintenance on. SO.AWESOME. When I see my oncologist at the end of the month, we will discuss another specialist my dermatologist is recommending. Keep the specialists coming, ha! Okay…now onto "the switch." 

My second reconstructive surgery went smoothly with the exception of having an allergic reaction at the hospital. AS if my skin hasn't already taken a beating. Just.My.Luck!! I can already hear my former "tea rose" roomies laughing and having a flashback to our days when they took shifts watching me due to a bad allergic reaction I had to a sulfa drug. The memories, ha! I was about to be discharged, and as I was doing my best to change clothes, I looked in the mirror to see what I looked like, and rather than noticing "Laverne and Shirley," I saw my body covered in redness!!! My back and under my arms looked like I had a severe sunburn. I had hives everywhere! I was evaluated by doctors and nurses, and thankfully, they discharged me anyway. Even in my loopy and groggy state, I didn't want to stay there. I wanted to go home. 

My expanders were removed and placed with implants. I am happy the expanders are out. They were heavy and hard…not comfortable at all. I got used to them, but there is a major difference with implants. I even have a serial number on the implants, identification card, AND a warranty :). My surgeon also revised my scar from where my port was placed because he was not happy with the way it was healing. Just another perk from having a plastic surgeon! Now, I rest, recover, and heal, and then I will return back to physical therapy. It is my hope that beginning in March I can begin running again and start a yoga program. Rehab and rebuild! 




I am stating the obvious when I say I look at life differently, but shame on me...I am guilty of the same habits I wrote about from my last blog! I am guilty of not putting my health first and overwhelmed by little things. Not putting my health first has been heavy on my heart and mind. I also feel guilty when I complain, but I think I've earned earned some wiggle room to complain. Another personal intervention--It comes down to this---Before I can begin the full recovery and healing process I am focused on for 2014, I realized I have to be upfront and personal with the challenges I face one year later. I am probably being pretty raw, upfront, and forward here, but I come with a disclaimer ;). I am healing mentally and physically, but when you have to transition back to life after cancer….well-it is not the same. So here it goes--

On a daily basis, it's like I have to work 20 times harder…if not more, to function the way I did before my unforeseen journey. For that, I need continued patience and understanding. Internal healing is the hardest for others to understand--even for me. At the beginning of the cancer journey, people can physically see your hardships. No hair, scarves, ports, paleness, puffiness, weakness, chemo nails, etc. Then surgery happens, hair begins to grow back, and things tend to look normal on the outside. It appears all is good. She is good and back to normal. Yes and No. 

The efforts made to transition back to life after cancer is much harder than I anticipated. I live the positives and recognize all celebrations. After all, they are what get me through the days and keep me in good spirits. You would think after being in remission, there are rainbows, flowers blooming, birds chirping, and happiness all around. Yes…and No. But…like I've said before, I still have to wake up each day with boxing gloves on. I am in remission which is awesome, but I am not fully healed. It will take years. I will never be the same. My body will never be the same. I am changed forever. I don't mean this to be completely negative nor am I trying to be a downer, but rather stating the realities of what life was, what life is, and what life will be. These are my personal hardships. To not recognize or acknowledge them would be denying my ability to truly move forward and heal. Life before and after cancer affects everyone differently, but my hardships are not unique. It's the hardships I was warned about. The will be is the part I strive to make the most of, and of course, stay positive about.

Cassie and Coach

As I continue to move onward and upward into 2014, I hope to grow stronger in this phase of survivorship. While I've had these ongoing reflections, I've also had a whirlwind of trials, errors, many lessons learned along with lessons to be learned. It's harder than I thought. Really, I'm learning everyday. The internal battles and healing that take place are hard to describe and hard to communicate, but it's real. 

Maya and Bella

Over the year, so many of you took time out of your schedule to take me to medical appointments, treatments, visited me, brought me meals, cooked for me, walked Cassie Mae, stayed the night with me, gave up your Friday/Saturday night to hang with me, watched me in my sickest moments, visited me in the hospital, sent me cards, sent me messages, gifts, sent me love, prayers, and so much more. I felt them then, and I still feel the positive and vibrant energy. I made it to this point in my life because of you, and I mean that with all my heart. Cancer survivors can't thrive and survive without being surrounded by love. Love is all around us (Love Actually-my favorite movie)! 

In honor of this one year cancerversary, I want to honor you and give you a HUGE virtual hug thanking you for the ongoing support. It's amazing to think how much took place in one year, and thanks be to God, my treatments, surgeries, and outlook have been positive. I have chingos of maintenance and cleaning up to do, but most importantly, I have a full life ahead of me. A life I am going to give me all to rebuild. My health comes first, and if I lose focus on that, PLEASE set me straight. I am asking for your help. I can't do this survivorship thing alone. Help me help myself stay focused on the bigger picture-God, health, life, and happiness.

So, when I say much love to you-I mean it! Do a happy dance!! Have a drink for me! (BTW…my favorite celebration drink is Matt's El Rancho margarita!) Celebrate! One year later, we crossed the finish line to a different kind of marathon…Raise your glass (or your next one)

Here's to a FULL recovery, awesome health, defining survivorship, and putting the shattered pieces of my life back together. A slow process that will go day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year. It's not a sprint. It's a different kind of marathon. It's a different kind of "normal." It's my survivor ultra marathon.

http://youtu.be/3GwjfUFyY6M

Much Love to YOU,
clarissa
"All Women Can Do Wonders If They're Put To The Test." 
~ Wonder Woman

Flashbacks from the year…we've come a long way….

Houston Marathon January 2013

February 2013: Austin Half-Marathon
Team Superhero Kids

March 2013: Gruene Photo Shoot

The First Haircut March 2013

My first Chemo Treatment 

Half-way Through Chemo May 2013

June 2013

July 2013-Last chemo treatment

The night before bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery
Aug. 6, 2013

August 2013: Chemo nails 
AKA "ombre nails"

Morning of surgery Aug.7th, 2013

August 7th-10th  2013: St. David's Hospital

September 28th, 2013: Celebrating remission and my birthday

October 2013-Remission Photo Shoot

November 2013: Race For The Cure

Team Bros and Bras

December 2013: Christmas

Houston Marathon January 20th, 2014

Travis set a PR-Woohoo!

Reconstructive Surgery #2

To Be Continued…..