My Unforeseen Journey: The 2015 Version of A New Normal. . . Because A New Normal Can Change Daily

In memory of my precious Bella Maya Alvarado. My fur-niece and co-survivor.

You will always be my "Bella Bella."

April 17th, 2008-February 10th, 2015.

Short and Sweet:

Travis and me at the Houston Marathon/
Half-Marathon Expo

~Simply stated I've learned in order to grow ya gotta let go!
~February 5th marked my 2 year cancerversary.
~My September and December check in with my oncologist went well. Labs have been steady and normal with the exception of my glucose and vitamin D levels. Gotta watch these (no biggie).
~I took another genetics test, and in December I found out I don't have a gene mutation AND....my risk for cancer reoccurrence is low (fist pump!)
~In October I ran Run for the Water (10 miler) for the first time in two years!

Flashing the bling-Way to go Laurie!
Austin Half-Marathon

~I also ran a half-marathon in December (Spicewood Half), January (Houston Half-Marathon), and on February 15th, I ran Austin-Half Marathon.
What's even better…I got to run with Laurie on her first half-marathon…proud of you chica!
~I can do 10 modified push-ups...woohoo!!
~My sister Zelina graduated from college in December and got a new position at Texas Brigades.
~I became a Great Aunt!! Ethan Michael Aguirre is adorable! And yes--in the pic below his onesie says "I wear Pink for My Aunt."
~Overall, this is the healthiest I've been in over two years!

Sit down and get comfy version:

Stephanie and Jaime…what a special friendship we've
had for over 20 years.
(November 2014)

Since August, life has been...just that--life…it's been up, it's been down, and it's been everything in between. Regardless if it is the happiest moment in your life or the most painful, we grow and we are better for it. Two years ago I made the decision to write a blog to not only help me cope with a breast cancer diagnosis, but I also wrote to keep my loved ones in the know. I've written about my innermost thoughts along with sharing victories, fears, physical and emotional challenges. The whole journey still seems so serile, and when I look back at pictures and old blogs, I can't help but think "wow…that really happened." Yep, cancer happened to me…sometimes I have to say that out loud for the message to truly resonate with me "I…had…cancer. Yes, I had cancer." Initially, I was very head strong about bringing closure to My Unforeseen Journey, but my intuition told me different. So, I have chosen to continue writing…

I started this blog months ago, and when I began reading, it, I thought…how hypocritical of me. I didn't like the flow of it, so I started over. After my last blog, I left you thinking I had been actively overcoming day to day challenges with a fierce attitude, but somewhere in the mix, I fell weak-emotionally. Weak emotionally…now I question as to whether I should even refer to that as weakness, but rather, denied myself feeling the authentic emotions that were necessary to experience in order to grow. Personal struggles are "personal" and unique to each person.

Zelina's graduation on December 16th, 2014.

To share my emotional struggles puts me in a very vulnerable position, and well, quite honestly, that is not easy to do. These are struggles not many people discuss because it's hard to be open about the emotional baggage cancer survivors have to tackle. Honestly, it does not even have to be cancer, but when life throws in a game changer that triggers extra stress, trauma, health changes, family changes, finance struggles, whatever it may be…it is only natural to feel an emotional overload. Whether it is grief, depression, loss, trauma, or pain sometimes these are emotions people can internalize and store away for a number of reasons. I know I did. The best of times and worse of times…both bring growth and renewal.

TBT from August 2013. Three weeks after the "big" surgery I started
physical therapy….a year and a half later, I am close to being discharged.

Chemo and recoveries from several surgeries knocked me down countless times, and while it was difficult to bounce back, I did, and I did it with strength. What's the difference with the emotional stuff? Well, it's not as noticeable, so after some personal interventions and deep reflections, I asked myself…."if Clarissa fell on a course or a route, would she walk off….or would she dust off the dirt, wipe up the blood, bounce back, and finish?" I would get back up and finish.

Friends are the family we choose…I consider friends my
family. Here are just a few more of my "family" members
that I love to pieces: Womack, Gammage, and Salazar!
(November 2014)

Evidently, cancer is traumatic, and kinda a big deal, ha. The complex emotions cancer survivors feel is exactly that…complex. Through reflection and acceptance, I've actively grown from this revelation and overall experience. I know my reality, and I choose not to live in fear anymore. I lived in fear and didn't realize it. I spent too many days worrying and obsessing, and didn't realize I was doing it-SO much. I truly believe God has an amazing life in the books for me, and I am excited to take in each day with optimism, strength, and happiness. As I continue growing and moving forward, I hope my words not only bring me a sense of peace, but also serve as a source of accountability to refer back to and say…these are your lessons and tips-LIVE BY IT!

I met the criteria for another genetics test that many women with triple negative breast cancer test positive for, and in early December I found out I do not carry a gene mutation. And…the test also noted my risk for cancer reoccurrence is low. Thanks be to God!

Pre-race dinner for Houston Half-marathon/Marathon with the fabulous Steve and Lourdes.
Blessed with many special friendships…good for the soul!

Before I wrap up this blog, I'll share my "survival revelations." I've been actively living by these, and I hope this may help you or a loved one…

Be authentic with your emotions. It's not a sign of weakness. Through weakness, we unveil our strength. And even through strength, we unveil our weakness.

Productive…define what it means for YOU. So what if you didn't get to all the things you wanted to do, and ya hung out on your coach all day! Maybe you needed to rest so you can tackle all the "to-do's" later.

Turn off notifications and follow true business hours 8-5. Unplug. No really…unplug and disconnect-often.

**"Survival revelations"….more for ya in the next rambling of mine!

Laurie and Dina…doing what we love: girl's night since 2001!
(February 2015)

I highly recommend watching video below…a song that hit the heart…
http://youtu.be/z0rxydSolwU

Overall, it feels good to run, and it feels even better to have the strength and stamina to tackle a somewhat regular professional and personal life. I can say with confidence…this is the healthiest I've been in over two years. I still have kinks to work out, but I continue to build my emotional and physical strength through all of life's trials…because let's face it….I've learned that...a new normal can change daily.

Much love to you,
clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." ~Wonder Woman