My First Chemo Experience

Laying with my grandmother's blanket

As I lay here in my bed, I realize all the little things I take for granted because now they do not come so easy. While I am grateful for things I have been able to do the past few days, there are day to day tasks that are hard to do:  driving (seatbelt crosses right over Mr. Roboto), restricted in my neck movement because of Mr. Roboto, showering, getting dressed, laying down, sleeping (I can only sleep on my back and right side), taking my dog for walk, feeding her, what to wear, getting a glass of water, typing, writing, and the list could go on. Days after chemo-it's been a roller coaster ride. Ups, downs, feeling jerked here and there, and yet I have not quite hit the point where I have said, "Oh, that was a blast!" It's not, ha. It has not even been one week, and the drugs are doing a serious number on me. Yep, I am officially in a battle. Here's a re-cap for you.

Mr. Roboto-Post Surgery

Mr. Roboto revealed-not pretty!

Wednesday, Marach 27: Surgery for Port- AKA "Mr. Roboto"…NOT fun! My friend Amber took the day off, and even spent the night with me to make sure I was okay. I was told I should be fine in the afternoon and could go about normal activities. That was not the case at all. I was in pain, could hardly move my neck, nauseated, and just plain miserable. My assistant/friend from work and counselor/friend came to visit me as well and brought me a few things. I'm learning how to ask for help. Cassandra and Sabrina came to help out while Amber took care of a few things in the evening. It was such a treat to have them here. Mr. Roboto was not fun, is not fun, and very unattractive. ha. 

All hooked up and ready to go

Thursday, March 28: Chemo: I was worried about my first day of chemo because Wednesday was so rough. I woke up feeling cruddy, but luckily the nausea was gone, and I was able to stomach a bit of food. I knew Travis would be at my place soon, so I made sure I had all my things with me: my bag ready with my medical binder and info, my grandmother/godmother's blanket, my devotional, some books, and a few other special items I said I would take with me. The port in my chest was still so sore and tender. I told Travis I was more worried about being set up with the IV through the port than anything else. Travis and I went into the chemo room, and I met my first nurse who was going to set up my first treatment-Kelly. Super nice and so helpful! She sprayed a freezing spray on Mr. Roboto because it was still tender, and pardon my language, but it hurt like hell!! The first thing they do, and this is for every treatment, is inject saline to clean the port, draw blood to look at overall blood work, inject pre-meds, and the final injections are the chemo medications. It takes about 2.5 to 3 hours every session. 

Travis did some work, and I laid there answered some messages, read, slept, and relaxed. The messages were so helpful as were the two videos sent to me while I was in treatment. The first came from my sister Michelle. She recorded my niece Addie singing how great and good God is...brought smiles and tears to my eyes! The second came from my friend Laurie who recorded her lil Georgia showing off her dance moves-PRICELESS! 

Other stuff that's killing the cancer!

I was the youngest one in the room, and sometimes I just watched others wondering how long they have been coming here. Other times I sat there surreal...and at times in disbelief that it is me sitting here being treated for cancer. Wow...that's when it hit me. I am 34 years old-in chemotherapy being treated for an aggressive form of breast cancer: Triple Negative Breast Cancer-that's intense...YIKES! 

The "Red Devil"-not nice, but it's killing cancer.

Once I wrapped up, we left and at the time, I felt okay. I got a little queasy on the ride home, but stopped to grab a bite to it thinking that would help. It did for a bit. Picked up nausea meds and headed home. Umm..it was pretty much downhill here from there. From 2 til about 8 I was miserable. Thanks God for my dear friend Robin Yeamans, a friend of almost 20 years, came to take the second shift since Travis had a track meet. She got there just in time to help me out. I suffered from nausea and could not even keep water down. I felt so bad because of all the times I had to get up and ask her to excuse me, ha. I tried one of my pills for the nausea, but it made me feel worse, egh! She brought me so many yummy things but unfortunately I could not stomach any of it: butternut squash apple soup, a veggie pot pie, organic jellybeans, chicken noodle soup, saltines, and gatorade. I had another friend, Lisa, who made me a delicious soup too, but sadly, could not eat anything that day. Robin went to pick up one of my other nausea meds, and during that time, I was thrilled to eat 4 saltine crackers in a 45 minute period. I was finally on the mend!

Robin left close to 9, and by that point, I was ready to crash. I took another pill along with other meds, and called it a night. 

My Wonder Woman Moments

For those of you who do not know, I love Wonder Woman. She was my idol growing up, and I just thought she was pretty darn amazing. I always wanted to be her when I was a little girl, and I guess earlier in the week I thought I had my chance. Little did I know my moments of trying to be Wonder Women would result in some major crashing!

Friday, March 29: I woke up with no nausea, and felt okay overall. I was inspired by the reading in my devotional, so I said, okay I'm gonna try it…I'm putting on my running gear and hitting the trail! I told myself 3 miles only to see how I feel. I knew my body went through the ringer this week, but I also knew I need to stay active. I have to train myself to do some kind of activity even if I am not 100%. I arrived at the trail, took my first few steps, and it was not only the slowest strides I've ever taken, but the most painful as well.  Every breath, stride, and movement shot pain everywhere in my body. The first mile was tortuous, and I was pacing at a whopping 14 mile pace. Way off my regular pace. I settled into the last 2-3 miles in about a 12-13 minute pace. I finished 3 miles in 40 minutes. After all my body went through, I said I'll take it! I will be honest, it's kind hard knowing how much my body has slowed down, BUT I am thankful to be able to even jog! I treated myself with a Voltron smoothie and went home feeling great! Did a load of laundry, and around noon, my body crashed. I pushed myself a little too much so I rested until Travis came to pick me for my next appointment. 

At 2:45 on Friday, I had to take a shot of medication callee Nuelesta. For patients with aggressive chemo, it is given to keep your white blood cell count up high. The shot hurt, but I didn't start feeling symptoms until later. I went to mass with Travis that evening, and then I started to feel the body aches. Yikes…here we go again….

Saturday March 30: I'm Stubborn…Wonder Woman Take 2!  did not sleep well, and woke up quite a bit through the night. Around 5 am I started to fell nauseated so I took pill hoping it would help me sleep, but no-darn! I started feeling flushed and my body was really achey so I got up and took my temperature 97.5…okay at least it's not a fever. I tried going back to sleep, and no success. I finally got up, fed my dog, and took her out. That was when I realized I was beginning to move slower…darn. Okay, I was determined to try and go for a jog again, but I felt really cruddy. Then I told myself "Clarissa, you are not nauseated, nor are you throwing up, so go for it." I put my running gear on and made my way to the trail. On the way there in a weak state, and obviously crazy state of mind, I had the grand idea of seeing what I could handle, so rather than run the trail, I'll run a 4 mile hill route. 

That's what I did, ha. Yep, the first mile hurt with pains shooting everywhere possible, but I took on the hills of (if you are familiar with Austin) Exposition, Windsor, and Winstead. It took my 50 minutes to run 4 miles…once again, I told myself I'll take it! I am running, jogging really, next weekend so I need train my body a little bit. I am taking on my first race into treatment-Cap10K next Sunday…wish me luck, ha! 

So, I'm slowly feeling the side effects of chemo. Easter Morning, my body ached and I was weak. I gathered enough strength to make it to Easter Mass, and meet up with two friends, Janette and Laz. My parents came in that afternoon, and we spent a relaxing day and evening at home for Easter. 

Beautiful flowers from loved ones.

Yummy cookie bouquet!

Overall, I am hanging in there. My body aches like it's never ached before. Aches to the bone…aches in my chest when I take deep breathes. Geez, I had no idea I could feel this fatigued. I do not sleep through the night. Since I started chemo, I wake up consistently at midnight, 3 AM, and 5 AM. By 7 AM, I can't sleep anymore. So, of course, the next day doesn't make me feel great either. I see my doctor on Thursday for a follow-up so I am hoping they will give me something to help me sleep through the night. This is only the beginning. The prayers, support, and positive thoughts have helped me tremendously. Again, thank you a million times over. 

Much love to all of you,
Clari