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Thoughtful friends from my hometown Ingleside
at Relay for Life. |
As you may recall from the last blog, I had to put up a good fight with round 2. I also referenced trying to settle into this race, and I am a bit further. I am thinking I'm approaching mile 7-8. Not quite to the half way point, but I'm getting there! One mile at a time.
When I sit down to type, I play my race mixes to remind me of the different struggles and successes I had in races. It's mental and physical. Battling cancer is the same, so I feel training has helped me work through some of the challenges I have faced over the past month. Round 2…It threw some good punches at me, and it even knocked me down for a few days. Round 3...well it's the same stuff, shocking? Not for me, ha.
You have a choice: 1) Get back up and fight 2) Give up…tap out..raise the white flag. I chose to fight back. Don't get me wrong, it's never easy, but I have to do it. It's my danger zone. And yes, I included some entertainment for you, and yes...it's on my race mix and I LOVE the movie, TOP GUN! http://youtu.be/vwBbrngafl0
Round 2 Chemo: The Knock-outs
From Sunday through Wednesday I was more sick than I had ever been before. Nausea, no appetite, fatigue, weakness, etc was at its peak performance…nice red devil. On Monday, it was so bad, I swallowed my proud and asked my sister to come stay with me. I knew Kristine was coming over, but I had a feeling the evening and Tuesday were going to be not so bueno. My friend Kristine came with her super cute lil girl Stella and seeing them brought so much joy. Luckily, I was able to eat the baked potato she brought for me, but sadly it didn't stay in my tummy :(. GRRRRR….frustrating! Kristine and Stella brought all kinds of goodies which included some ginger tea to help with nausea.
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| Z and C...I do miss my hair, ha. |
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| Cas loves napping these days. |
Zelina got to my place just in time, and she was such a huge help! Bringing more goodies and helping some household chores. I got so sick Monday night…it was bad :(. I took one of my meds and passed out. Zelina kept Cassie downstairs so the two of us could sleep. Yes, Cassie needs her rest too. Dogs are very special, but they are also very smart. Cassie knows I'm sick, and I think now she knows the routine. One week my mom goes somewhere, she comes back, and she is home for days. Then she is goes to work…repeat. On the days I have treatment Cas does not sleep well, and she has had more accidents than normal. I know she feels the stress of what is going on. Given that, she loves having visitors, ha. She barks like crazy, and as soon as you walk through the door, she jumps, gets a good sniff, and then darts to her favorite toy to show off. I am so happy God blessed me with such a special angel because she is at my side ALL the time (literally!)
Get up and fight back
Tuesday was not great, and thanks to Zelina she helped as much as she could before heading back to San Antonio. Once she left, I slept, and slept a lot. My friend Lee was coming that evening, so I was feeling so relieved to have a friend come back to check in and help out some in the evening. My appetite was so unpredictable so I was praying I could eat, and thanks be to God I was able to! I had my first meal Tuesday night-pork loin slices with a sweet potato. I so needed that! Just that little bit of food gave me the confidence to say to myself "tomorrow morning I am going for a jog/walk whatever I can do." I figured if I could do something active then I would know if I could go back to work and slowly get into a routine.
Robin was going to stop by Wednesday morning, but she met me at the trail instead and we went for a 3 mile walk around Town Lake together. For those of you who do not know Robin, she is a friend of mine from high school. We've been friends for over 17 years, and ran high school track together. We had a coach who put us through some grueling workouts. We were middle distance sprinters, so we were the group that left last from track practice. We always had to run more than everybody else!! Well, I guess Robin and I didn't know any better because years ago, we would meet on Town Lake and talk about miles and pace. The plan was to take it easy, but we never did, ha. It's been many years since we had been on the trail together so it was such a pleasure and certainly "good for the soul!" The 3 miles killed me, ha. I got home and slowly the body aches and fatigue kicked in-darn! I rested and knowing I felt cruddy, I made a decision to go to work the next day. I know…probably doesn't make sense, but I figured if I can walk 3 miles, recover, then I know I will be stronger. I got up Thursday morning, went to my doctor appointment, and then I went to work. I got home Thursday exhausted so I rested. Initially I was going to work half day Friday, but once I was rested, I told myself "I'm working a full day." Friday I worked a full day.
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| My Freshman Pod Family: Cassandra, me, and Sabrina |
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| In my office...very tired, ha. |
Before going to work on Thursday Devin and Kate talked to me about the admin team wearing caps or hats to support me coming back. I walked into the office Thursday and there was Sabrina and Cassandar in their hats. My heart was filled with so much emotion, and as I made my way to the cafeteria, I ran into Devin. I didn't not have my glasses, but as I got closer I saw that Devin shaved his head too. My heart continued to overflow with emotion. My admin team, the counselors, staff, and teachers on Thursday and Friday wore hats/caps. I don't know that I even have the words to explain how I felt…but I can say it made me stronger.
Magic Queso
On Friday, after working a full day I met Devin for an appetizer. I felt okay, and he asked what I was in the mood for, so I thought for a second and said "I could really go for chips and queso." While I am all about changes in my diet, there are just some things I can't give up...queso being one! I met him at a mexican restaurant and the queso was so good!! MY tastebuds were working normal, and I could taste it-WOOHOO! I enjoyed every chip and every bit. I even decided to order quesadillas…it felt like a feast!
I came home happy, full, and tired. Before going to bed, I decided I was going to get up early and run with the SHIP at 7 am. I met my friend Cristin, and I ran 7 miles!!! It was a road route that consisted of trail, flats, and hills. It was a beautiful morning with a temperature of 45 degrees in April…amazing! I told Devin on Monday "that queso was magic because I was able to run 7 miles!" Thanks Devin!!
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| My prima Sara |
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| Travis' Birthday at DH |
On top of running 7 miles, it was also Travis' birthday weekend. I was hoping and praying I would be good to spend it with him and his friends, and thanks be to God it worked out! Travis had a great birthday turnout at Draught House, and I was so happy he had such a good turn out! He definitely deserved an evening to enjoy himself and enjoy having a designated driver ;). My cousin Sara from Houston also stopped by to pay a quick visit. It was nice to see family. Her brothers, David and Anothony, sent me a pretty awesome painting reminding me to hold onto Wonder Woman powers ( pic is at bottom of blog)! I was so touched. It is an amazing painting which is now displayed in my living room next to my sofa. Overall, though I was exhausted, it was a good weekend.
Drum roll….now for the good stuff-GOOD NEWS!!
When I went for my labs a week after my second round of chemo, my oncologist and nurse practioner did a happy dance because the mass was getting smaller and softer! The following Tuesday on April 23rd I was due to see my breast surgeon for a follow-up visit. While I only had physical exams, I had not had an ultra sound so this was a big visit. When I had my first ultra sound in February my mass measured at 1.6 cm. The other mass measured close to 1 cm or so. The last ultra sound I had in March, my mass was at 2.5 cm. This last visit Dr. Martinez measured one mass at 1.3 cm!!! My medical team was so pleased as was I!! My tumor, in the words of my oncologist, is having a "kick ass response," and yes, she did state that "kick ass" was a medical term. (Pardon my language) So, while the treatment is still doing a number on me, I try my best to remind myself it's killing cancer cells and WORKING! If all goes as planned, my oncologist thinks I may be done with chemo the first week of July. Surgery could be as soon as August....prayers!
Round 3: Successes and Same Side Effect Stuff
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| David posted this on Facebook...Thank you!! |
I've was having some anxiety about round 3 because I was so sick last time. I was advised by my doctor to take a certain medication to relax me, but because I am so medicated and feel so toxic, I decided to do something better. Get up and workout with David for a track workout. Not only would it reduce my anxiety, but I would be getting in some physical activity before treatment. To me, that sounded much better than popping in another pill. I was so happy when I left the workout because I was able to do activities I had not been able to do since I started treatment. I did a mile with volume which basically consisted of running anywhere between 100-400 meters with rest breaks consisting of strength work. I did the whole thing and David ran with me…a huge help! Then we did strength work. Part of the workout was standing squats, then V-ups (ab work), and push-ups. Uh-oh…the last time I tried this 1) I couldn't even do a push up because of Mr. Roboto 2) Ab work took me forever…could barely do it because of Mr. Roboto. I didn't say anything to David, and said "Clarissa, just try it. If you really can't do it, let him know." I did all the reps, ran sprints in between, and completed the circuit for the allotted time-WOOHOO!! I told David how excited I was!! The final part of the workout was more strength work: squats with the barbel along with curl-ups and shoulder presses. I couldn't lift the barbel over my head for squats so David assisted me, but I did the rest on my own! Again, I was so excited!! It was such a great workout for me, and I will tell you what, that workout was better than popping in another pill!
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| Round 3..tried reading, but slept lots. |
On Thursday Julie, a friend of my mine from college who I also studied and lived in Costa Rica with, took me to both treatments Thursday and Friday. Mentally going to these appointments was challenging. So many things turn my stomach and make me feel nauseated. The sight of the infusion the room, and now things like, what I wear, what I take, and my bag for treatment turn my stomach. The other day, I went into my bag to get my wallet, and I thought I was going to throw-up. Egh!! It was during this visit I told my oncologist I ran 7 miles, and she looked at me like I was crazy,ha. She said "Clarissa, when we said stay active, we didn't mean you had to do your normal workout routines. Walking…walking around the block would've been good, but if you can do it…then, ok." Yes, if I can do more, then I am. I do know my limits, and I think my medical team has caught onto the fact that I am going to test my boundaries and make the necessary adjustments so I do not over do it.
The side effects and day to day feelings are still the same as round 2, so I won't take you through the misery with me again, ha. Because I had a feeling it would be the same, I asked my parents to come so they will be here to help me at home for post-chemo 3.
Mi Familia to the Rescue
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Tia Mary (left) and Tia Norma (sitting down).
Tia Norma battled breast cancer and survived it! I am battling and will survive it too! |
Over the weekend, I also got a special visit from my Tia Mary and Tia Annie. These are my dad's sisters. They battled breast cancer with my Tia Norma, and now they are battling it with me. They took such good care of me and Cassie over the weekend. As soon as they walked through the door after being on the road for hours, they cleaned my condo from top down! Laundry, errands, and lots of TLC gave me the time to rest, sleep, and visit with my tias who bring laughter and happiness to my life. I definitely know where my dad, Zelina, and a little bit of me gets our personality from….true Alvarados :).
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| Me and Tia Annie |
They left on Sunday, and I was not feeling great, but I knew my friend would be over later. My friend Amber, "Care Calendar Commander," came to spend the night with me on Sunday. Sunday is the day things begin to go downhill. Her timing was perfect, and it was nice to have her here. Cassie Mae is catching on to what's going on, so when visitors are here, she knows who to go to "ask" for something. When Amber stayed here, Cassie decided she should give her some TLC by sleeping in the guest room with her…all night. Yep, rather than sleeping with me, she chose to give me space and protect my friend. Dogs are furry angels on earth. Amber and I used to be roommates and always had a special bond…just ask Jane ;). I am including my care calendar info below along with Amber's info…just in case you missed the email.
Reflecting…
So, like last time, I am home to build enough strength to go back to work. In my past blogs, I wrote about you as "my team." I have also referenced various names and mantras to get me through this battle…this different kind of marathon. Everything from being Cancer Commander India Maria, a warrior, fighter, Wonder Woman, strong, and whatever that came to mind to overcome whatever challenge I faced. I am still in this battle…this different kind of marathon, and day to day I do my best to put my boxing gloves on and get back into the race. You have been my spectators, cheerleaders, inspiration, and strength. Again, I thank you a million times over. I leave you with an article about "People Who Watch Marathons." It is inspiring whether you are a runner or not. I hope you enjoy it….and I hope it encourages you to be a spectator at a race someday. Thanks again for your support in this different kind of marathon and for being a part of my team!
To access Clarissa Alvarado's personal CareCalendar site,
visit and enter the following information in the appropriate spaces:
CALENDAR ID : 145353
SECURITY CODE : 5667
Much love to you,
Clari
"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman
Each day you get stronger and force out the bad with the good. Keep it up! You will finish this race in 1st place.
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