"Red Devil" DONE...Half-Way Through Chemo!

Doing My Best to Dig DEEP…And It's HARD

May 5: Cinco de Mayo...Cassie Mae's birthday...and 3 months since my diagnosis. Wow...a lot has happened in 3 months, and while I had a different set of challenges during that time, I am facing new ones...the kind of challenges I was warned about. 

I have to be honest…treatment is getting harder. I was reminded by my friend/colleague Norma about the "wall" you hit around mile 15 in a marathon, and well, I think I've hit the wall much earlier. Everything from physical to mental is harder because I get so sick, and I am so weak. As someone who has always been independent, it is hard to feel and find myself in such vulnerable states. I am doing my best to dig hard everyday. 

Before my 4th round of chemo, I had an appointment for lab work. Every week I see either my oncologist or the nurse oncologist, Lisa. It's chemo one week, and the next week I go in for lab work. Lisa went with through the basic routine, and then asked the golden question "how are we doing this round?" I looked at her and said, "I am not bouncing back like last time, and it's very frustrating." I discussed the same and some different series of side effects, and she looked at me, and said, "Clarissa, you've had 3 rounds of aggressive chemo, and you are beginning to feel the cumulative side effects of it. You come every 2 weeks, so we don't really give much time to bounce back."  She was encouraging, and even though it frustrates me, my medical team has been impressed with my overall response to treatment knowing I have not so fun times. My lab work came up abnormal, but only because my red blood count dropped. I am anemic now, and I had blood work after round 4 of chemo, and it hasn't changed. So, I imagine this time will be similar to last round-hooray. 

Round 3 Post-Chemo

It's a love/hate Relationship

I can certainly tell you that I was put to the test the week after my 3rd round of chemo. It was frustrating, everyday felt like an eternity, and I was at my weakest state since I started treatment. Thankfully, my parents stayed the whole week to help. Same side effects I always have nausea, body aches, headaches, no appetite, but this time my level of fatigue/weakness hit an all new high. To add to that, I was getting neuropathy in my arms and legs…very uncomfortable. All I could do was sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I would sleep through the night and still sleep many times throughout the day. I literally had no energy. By Wednesday, the day I usually put my body through the physical activity test, I decided to try a walk around Town Lake. My goal was 3 miles. As I began to walk, I had a feeling this could go one way or another so I told myself walk an easy first mile and see how you feel. Mile 1…hmm okay, drink some water and pick up the pace (which was not very fast at all). I hit 1.5 miles and tried to jog a half mile. My legs felt light, but a really weird kind of light. I couldn't tell if it was the kind of lightness where I was just ready to GO or funny lightness feeling because I had neuroapathy in my legs. By the time I hit the 2mile mark, I already knew-"Clarissa, you are walking the rest." The last mile felt like forever, and I was so ready to go home, shower, and sleep. I am glad I was able to get out there, but it was not pretty nor did I recover to a feel good status. Last time I did this, I recovered and had the energy to transition back to work. Not this time…

What Keeps Me Going

During the week was tough but I had the help of my parents which made a big difference. I also had some visitors which always makes me smile and gather extra strength. I was so thankful to see my friend Dave, who with a busy touring schedule, made some time to stop by and visit. Dave is a comedian who travels around the country so he's on the go quite a bit. He's not only a smart and funny guy, but an great friend. Check him out! (Yes, Dave…I'm bragging on you). http://www.davidhuntsberger.com

A colleague of mine from my former campus Garcia also came to visit. We had a chance to catch up and talk "school." Brandy is currently in the UT Principalship Program. I nominated her for the program, she applied, and got in! I am super proud of her, and our conversations reminded me of my role/lead as an administrator-very refreshing. 

Donna Redskins:
Abel,#65 my dad, #30 Richard,
#51 Alfredo

Display at Bob Bullock Museum

I am always grateful for the messages and visits…even if I seem out of out…don't make sense…or if it takes me a little extra time to get my words out, ha. It brings smiles to my face to get messages about bringing me "endless amounts of queso" or just referencing "magic queso" (Cristin and Devin). I also got a message from my dad's dear friend Richard who reminded me "I'm still with you…you've got that redskin blood in you!" I took that as a compliment! I have the utmost respect for my dad and the friends he grew up with in Donna, Texas (Donna Redskins!). They share a special history and friendship. A part of the history their share even got some attention from a director in LA who made a documentary about them. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1836852/

Again, the calls, messages, prayers, thoughts, check-ins…mean the world to me and always come at a good time. 

Tackling Work

I went to work for what was suppose to be a half day Friday. Silly Clarissa, you should know better than that. I went into to work with not much energy at all. I wasn't feeling great, but I did my best to handle the day. Well, the calmness did not last long because one thing happened after another. Even Connie, our nurse, looked at me and said "Clarissa, can I send you home?" I assured her I was leaving campus soon. I got home around 3, and when I looked in the mirror, I could not believe how pale I looked. It was not a good day. Needless to say I was on my sofa from 3 until I went to bed that evening. 

Most of you know, but in case you don't, I am a 9th grade assistant principal. We have about 690 freshman with one AP and one counselor, and let's just say we keep really busy. One end of our school to the other end is about a 1/4 mile long. Our administrative team logs some serious miles walking the campus, ha.  It's spring, and there is no down time or dull moment. Even if I work out of my office, and it usually doesn't last long. I look forward to going to work because I miss my colleagues and team, and it's extremely frustrating when I don't have strength/stamina to make it. Last time I knew I could go in and handle the hustle and bustle with breaks as needed. Not this time…I was SO weak. 

Saturday = ER

I signed up for the Chuy's Hot to Trot 5K thinking I would have a good weekend. Since Friday was no bueno, I went in with the mindset I was going walk it only or walk/jog. Travis and I did the race with our friends Lisa and David. Their daughter Lexi ran the Chuy's K, and it was the cutest thing EVER!! Kids had bibs and received medals at the end-too cute! It was our race time, so Travis, David, and I made our way to the start. I admit…it's hard to be at the start line of a race and not go in running it. David ran it with me, and I was not quite sure what my body would allow, but I went with it. I stayed with his pace and ended up running the 5K. I checked my Garmin, and I paced at 9:30 which is something I have not done since the Houston marathon. I was pretty excited! I immediately started drinking water, ate a banana, and drank some OJ to help recover and get my energy up. Typically I eat that much after a half-marathon...not a 5K, but these days, any run feels like a half-marathon/marathon!

Reason I was at the ER

It gets real exciting when I get in my truck to go home. I noticed some kind of red bruising around Mr. Roboto, and it continued to track red up the catheter to my clavicle bone. This could not be good. My mom used to be a nurse, so when I got home I showed her, and she agreed-not good. I called the doctor on call for my oncologist, and suggested I... 1) Go to the Er 2) Monitor it 3) Call the doctor who placed it. I called St. David's RR Hospital and spoke with a nurse, and she informed me I had to go to the ER. Geez, okay. At this point, I was beginning not to feel so hot and the area was getting warm. I got to the ER, and I was in a room in less than 10 minutes!! Can you believe that?!? I joked with my sister Michelle and said, "Well apparently when you have cancer they don't waste time." My sister even joked how I get VIP treatment in the ER, ha. The doctor came in less than 30 minutes. Tests were completed, they gave me meds, and I was released to go home. It was quite the Saturday. I was reminded with ports you can't mess around. My risk of infections are higher and the risk of the infection spreading into your blood is higher. On Monday, I went back to the hospital to have a radiologist look at it. Same stuff…antibiotics…monitor it, blah blah. Well, the meds helped, but I still wasn't feeling quite myself. I went back to work and the only day I felt good was Tuesday. Wednesday I got really nauseated in the morning and sat in my office for almost an hour before heading into the halls. I left early. Then.... Round 4…

Round 4 of Chemo~Half-Way Done

(God Willing)

Thursday morning I woke up, and yes, I went to work out with David. I woke up feeling good, and he had me on a strength workout the whole time. Let me just say, David is the best. He will text me just to say "You coming out in the morning?!" I so appreciate his encouragement and holding me accountable. I had a great workout and came home to get ready for my LAST round of the "red devil." WooHoo!! I took my antibiotics, and not even 10 minutes later, my body rejected them. Let's just say my body reminded me it didn't like the meds several times. I hadn't even left for treatment, and I was already sick. I mean….REALLY? Travis showed up, and I came out of the restroom to warn him "I've been sick a few times just so you know…" After my first round of chemo, he thought ahead and now keeps a garbage bag in his vehicle, ha. So, he was prepared in case I got "sick"on the way to treatment.

Before mani...

After mani...

I was pretty certain the antibiotics were making me sick and I told Travis "I am not taking these anymore!!." I saw Lisa and Dr. Hellerstedt and both agreed to stop the antibiotics-yay!! My blood culture test showed I did not have an infection, so they think it's a skin reaction to the "red devil" No infection was good news! If I had one, then the port would have to come out, and I would have to get another placed-no thank you! As it is, I have sensitive skin, and when my doctors looked at my nails, they could see how the "red devil" was taking a toll on my nails. Every single nail looked like I had slammed it into a door-no attractive at ALL!! Dr. Hellerstedt said she was going to get me some red polish, and Lisa suggested purple, ha. I didn't think I could polish my nails, but both said I could!! Dr. Hellersted suggested I go over the weekend. I love them! True women being honest, and believe me, I had no problem going to get a mani/pedi-doctors orders! Of course, because I am a cancer patient, I can't just go to any salon. With the help of Jackie, I went to Pure Nails where I was given lots of TLC and attention. I certainly have the best women (shout out to Jackie and Erica) who take care of my beauty maintenance :)

Round 4 misery

Good days ;)

I had my last round of the "red devil", and let's just say the "red devil" wanted me to know it was the last round. While getting treatment, I told Travis "I'm getting that look…that sick look." The look I noticed on cancer patients before I started treatment…wondering "am I going to look like that?" Yep, I do, BUT you all don't see it, ha. I make sure to keep myself at home on those days ;). Even with make-up I notice, and I know I probably notice it more than anyone. Oh well…what can I do, ha. At first I wasn't going to share the pic of me (on the left), but it is my reality post-chemo. Don't be alarmed!!...sometimes I can pull off looking like my pic to the right...but with a scarf ;). 

I was pretty sick once I got home, and had a hard time stomaching liquids. I sipped what I was able to handle. Travis left to go home, pick up Coach then come back to my place. The time he was gone was probably a good thing because my body was rejecting even the liquids, egh. He picked up some soup and coconut water for me, and thankfully, around 9 I was able to slowly eat some tortilla soup. I took my meds and headed for a packed bed, ha. Coach, Cas, me, and Travis. I wanted Travis to bring Coach because I don't see him as much. Once we were on the bed, it took some work for the pups to make room for Travis, ha. 

Old pic, but a goodie:
Me, Laurie, and Dina

On Friday I woke up and felt like absolute crude! My dear friend Laurie came to pick me up for my shot/fluid treatment. I was resting and drank chamomile tea to help with the nausea, and helped for a bit. Laurie is a friend of mine from college, and she always makes me laugh. We've been friends for over 10 years, and it's hard to believe how quickly time flies by. Back in the day, Dina, Laurie, and I were inseparable. We have such amazing memories which includes riding 3 deep in my truck, ha. The day I get rid of "Midnight" will be a sad day for many friends. I got home from treatment and was able to eat a little dinner. I rested, hydrated, and slept. 

I AM STRONG

Socks from Tia Norma
She had them blessed with holy for me.

While it may not make sense, the Saturday after chemo, I always make an effort to do something active. Physically it takes everything I have, but it helps me sweat out the toxins in my body. I can't tell you how toxic I feel on top of feeling stiff with a swollen body. I have to hydrate more, but the sweating helps….then I go home and pass out for hours. My goal was to jog 4 miles with my running buds Cristin and Ashlee, but once I hit the second mile, my body was too weak. I told them I would be a few strides behind them, and then a few strides turned into like 10 strides, ha. Mile 4 I had to walk more…oh well. At the beginning of the route, we talked races and upcoming marathons. I REALLy look forward to the day I can train again and be past this. I told the girls I probably would not be able to train for anything until winter, but I'm okay with that. I have the spring of 2014 to get strong, healthy, and plan for a marathon the 2014-2015 year.

My mantra for the week...

The weekend has been lots of resting and preparing for the days ahead….Taking one day at a time. This Tuesday 5/14 I have a big appointment. Travis and I will be going to my breast surgeon to get another measurement on my masses. Praying they are continuing to get smaller! This will also give me an opportunity to talk more surgery with Dr. Martinez. I will send another update in the next week to give you updates. 

Again, we cannot thank you enough for the support! The care calendar has been a blessing. It's not only been a help for me, but especially for Travis, Cassie Mae, and my parents. My next round of chemo is on May 23rd, and I will start a new phase of medication called Taxol. Getting there slowly but surely. Until the next time...

Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman