Thursday, June 6, 2013

Moving Right Along....




Prom 2013-Hawk Family 
My admin team wearing PINK with our SROs.
Without their support work would have been
impossible. Missing kate and Officer Rock in this pic...
It felt SO GOOD to share good news with you on my last blog! As hard as it has been, the chemo is doing its job and has helped me stay focused on the finish line. I still have my ups and downs, but I manage to work through it and get back into the "race." I've had several people remind me of my strength and made reference to a high school track meet. My sophomore year, I ran the first leg of the mile relay on a broken foot. I had no idea it was broken. My foot felt funny, and by the time I hit the 200 m mark, I heard a pop and that was it. I finished the race on my heel (kinda) and handed the baton off to Robin. 

 Believe me, I've had plenty of those moments at the half-way point of a marathon when I ask myself, "Clarissa…can you do this....I still have such a long ways to go!" One marathon I clearly recall was back in 2012. I had trained religiously for the Austin Marathon, and my high mileage runs were strong with good training paces. Days before the marathon, I got sick. I was on antibiotics and pretty certain I had walking pneumonia by the time it was all said and done. Race morning I could feel the weakness and acheiness in my body. I ran the marathon and felt okay until I hit about mile 10…then mile 14 I sat at the medic tent debating whether my body could still go and finish. After about 5 minutes, I got up and told myself one mile at a time. While I didn't hit my goal time, I managed to set a PR, and I finished the marathon literally one mile at a time. I've learned and "trained" in a sense to work physically and mentally through challenging moments. I'm doing my best to apply those same skills in this race. I'm at the half-way point…mile 13.1!  Once I am done with chemo, surgery will be the second part of the race!  All in all, I am moving right along, and again, giving my best EFFORT to focus on the finish line!!

Zee and I=Round 5
TAXOL (AKA Green Hornet): What's It Like…You May Ask?
Green Hornet: My friend/colleague Norma gave Taxol this name. Just a random thing walking in from bus duty. Taxon needed a nickname, and she gave it one...The Green Hornet
It is hard to believe that I finished my 5th round of chemo two weeks ago and finished the 6th round today. I imagine this next week will be like what I describe from round 5. It doesn't seem like that long ago I was sharing my crazy week of medical appointments to get ready chemo. Thanks be to God, I made it through the red devil and moved onto to Taxol. My parents and my sister Zelina (Zee or Z) drove in Wednesday for my 5th round.  I knew it was going to be a long day, so my mom and sister took shifts. I was in treatment for 5 hours!! Talk about a long day. Thankfully, for the first round of taxol, they gave me a good amount of benadryl so I was out most of the time. My dad decided to stay back to do some things around my place for me. 

While Taxol is suppose to be easier on you, I can say at this point, it has relieved me of the crazy nausea and traded off with intense body/joint/muscle pain. Basically, I still have all the same side effects with the exception of nausea and now overall body pain. This pain is unlike any pain I've ever felt before! I could not believe how bad my joints and muscles hurt. Over Memorial Day Weekend my parents and I drove to San Antonio to visit my sister that Sunday. While I was weak and in pain, it was nice to be driven and relax. I wanted to see my sister and her new place because I had no idea when I'd get to go. My body hurt like crazy. There were times my knees would give out on me. It was hard to even straighten out my knees. Muscle spasm also kicked in mostly in my legs, but I also got them in my abdominal area. My oncologist gave me a heads up on the body aches and joint pain along with neuropathy. Neuropathy is more present with taxol. So, again, while I am getting a break from the nausea, new side effects have stepped to say "welcome to taxol Clarissa!" Thank you taxol for giving me SUCH a warm welcome. It caused really intense and throbbing pain in all my joints, bones, and muscles. I walked like a viejita, and even when I laid down, my body throbbed. I've had my share of soreness and pain, but this is WAY different. On Tuesday morning, I woke up with tingling feet and hands…ahh the gift of neuropathy. Oh-AND the gift of chemo brain-nice...

 My head is all over the place these days. At one of my visits I talked with my doctor about it, and she explained the whole "chemo brain" thing to me. It's kinda hard to explain how it makes me feel, but I can tell you I definitely have it. It's one of those where it might be hard for others to really understand, but to give you an idea, I included an article from AmericanCancer Society that gives a pretty good explanation. Feel free to read…or not. 

New Perspective On Life and Reasons Why God is GOOD!

The other day, rather than watch TV, I decided to play brazilian jazz instead. I have a love different kinds of music especially various genres of world music. When I stopped to slow down and give my brain and body a rest, I was reminded of some of my favorite things that have been in hibernation, ha. For example-besides music…I used to go salsa/merengue dancing back in the days and loved it! I used to listen to music more than watch TV. My point...I am finally learning how to slow down and bring back the favorite things in my life. 

 Several people told me how this whole "experience" makes you look at life differently. For example, taking a walk outside has a whole new meaning when I take in a breath of fresh air and look at what's around me . For the past few months, I felt bad thinking…"Umm, my head is going crazy, my body is a mess, and life is too crazy to stop and smell the flowers." I am beginning to understand it takes time to get to that point. My ah-ha moment took place one Saturday morning. I was walking across the bridge on Town Lake, and as I gazed across the water and trail, that breath of fresh air I was talking about became a whole new kind of fresh air. The water, trees, and everything around me had a different look. It was like going from regular TV to HD, ha! 

My nieces: Bella and Maya. A pic from our visit
to San Antonio
Minutes later I was walking past a woman who looked at me, smiled, pointed at her hair and said to me "that's beautiful." I thought I was going to cry…I was walking without my bandana. I had a little more pep to my step! I made my way to to the rock, and while waiting, I ran into Samia from Superhero Kids. It was such a pleasant surprise! After visiting, I was so excited to tell Travis about the volunteer opportunity Samia offered with Superhero Kids!! Let's just say he's going to be my prom date later this month :). I'll share in a future blog what this volunteer opportunity will be (besides the prom). 

 I also ran into Amber, Malinda, and a colleague from my teaching days. It is a very rare occasion to run into so many people on Town Lake. I wasn't having a bad day nor was I in a funk so I kept thinking "why all the pleasant surprises today?"  My answer..All I can say is God is GOOD! I believe the Holy Spirit paid me a visit through various means to remind me of the precious gifts in my life. I was also reminded you don't have to be having a bad day or in a funk to be reminded God is always with you. Again, I am learning to slow down and TRULY LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST. I am not perfect at doing it,  but I can say I am much better than I was before. 

On the way home from work one day I spoke with Ashton Cook, and I had not talked to him in a long time, but our conversation made my day. I look forward to going to his wedding later this month. After our conversation, I drove into my driveway and noticed a box at my front door. It was my friend Stephanie Peterson. A box full of goodies :) Madlibs was part of the box of goodies….I smiled and laughed out loud to myself. Back in our elementary days, Stephanie, Ashton, and I used to fill these in with all kinds of craziness. We probably thought we were the most hilarious people ever. I couldn't even tell you what we wrote about, haha. Stephanie, Ashton, and I have known each other since kinder. I've been friends with them for over 20 years…pretty amazing, huh? It warms my hear to maintain friendships with people I grew up with a small town. While I've always been and will be a city girl, a part of me is a small town girl. How can it not be a part of who I am? When I hear this song by John Mellencamp, it reminds me of my days growing up. I appreciate my memories and friendships I made and still have from Ingleside. 
http://youtu.be/N_so94yxRtI
Travis' temporary 
Wonder Woman tattoo
Love this woman! Amanda...former professor,
 former colleague, and best of all..a very dear
friend. Friends are the family we choose :)



















The Brunner Family…I am so grateful to them for being so supportive. Over Memorial Day Weekend, Travis traveled back home to Buffalo to visit his family and run the Buffalo Half-Marathon. Before this whole cancer thing, I was planning on running it too. It would've been (according to my race calendar) my 10th half-marathon. Oh well…I'll get there. The Buffalo Half-Marathon was a first for Travis' sister Carrie, bro-n-law Chris, and brother David. I love that they got to share the experience together! Every one did a great job including Travis who PR'd with a 1:32! Travis told me all of them wore temporary Wonder Woman tattoos….I was so touched. 

I shared some of these stories because they bring smiles to my face, bring life to me, and of course, fuel me with strength. I can't do this alone, and I knew that from the get go. I am so honored and blessed to call you friends and family. With GOD and all of you, this marathon…this journey…this fight… would be IMPOSSIBLE. 

Chemo "Buzz"

 My chemo buzz (my sister came up with this) causes me to talk crazy/forget...quotes from  today:
  • "Yeah they texas me" (texted)
  • "Are you going to Aston's wedding?" (Ashton)
  • My sister said "I like that you play with your scarf like it's your hair." I replied "Yep, I love to feel the scarf blowing my wind." = "I love to feel the wind blowing in my scarf." (Of course I'm joking and being a little sarcastic here with this quote.)
  • My sister asked if my new Tom's fit....my response? "I forgot they came in.
  • "Zelina do you mind beaming me my wallet?" = (bringing)
And I slurred multiple times...my sister finally looked at me with her finger over her mouth and said "You should just stop talking!" HA! Gotta love some chemo brain....causes me to say crazy things, ANNDD I'm not so articulate. 

What Next?

Wow…so yesterday I wrapped up the school year with teachers and staff. This marks my 10th year in education-7 years teaching and 3 years as an administrator. WOW! June 5th also had a couple of meanings for me--- 1) 4 months since my diagnosis  2) 1 month left of chemo!! JULY 5TH = MY LAST DAY OF CHEMO---WOOHOO!! Yep…I am doing my happy dance. Check it out ;)

Round 6-Yeehaw! Though..I
don't feel like saying that in this pic, ha.
Zelina came down today to take me to my 6th round of chemo. Can you believe it? Round 6?!?  (which took 4 hours-phew!!)….2 MORE TO GO!! Beena, my nurse today, informed me to take it easy the next few days because I am taking a high dosage of Taxol. She said it's higher than what most patients are taking. I had NO idea! YIKES! Also, my red blood count and hemoglobin continue to drop. This has been the pattern the past month. Story of my life right now, ha. I can see the finish, and I have to keep reminding myself of---1 month left and 2 rounds to go! Stay with me though…I still have the second half of this marathon. The two masses on my right side are shrinking, but they are not gone. They have to come out! After chemo, I have to get through a double mastectomy with reconstruction, recover, and complete future procedures to be on the road to remission. Gotta keep on digg'n! 

As always, I thank you for the support, prayers, and thoughts! 



Much love to you,
Clari

"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman















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